Weddingbee Blog

So, my dress is what they call ’diamond white.’ But my teeth? Um, let’s just say if they were diamonds, they’d be like Grade N. (That would be the least of my problems though, because I’d have a fly diamond grill.)

My teeth aren’t bad either, but I mean…everything looks less white next to bright-white, you know?

Girlfriends, I am a “coffee drinker” in the way that humans are “breathers.” For me, the caffeine is incidental—it’s the taste that I care about. So I drink the blackest, richest coffees I can find, relishing every sip. The way some people are with wine, I am with coffee—I savor every flavorful note and have strong, snobby preferences. (At Starbucks, French Roast, and Gold Coast and Casi Cielo are literally the siren’s call.) I have to maintain a respectful distance from my LDS friends for fear of involuntary contact high. And the “drink it through a straw” thing? Um, no thanks. Not the same experience.

I’ve cut back over the years, on doctor’s orders. (At which I wept into the examining room napkin dress and begged her to take it back, TAKE IT BACK.) But the enamel damage is done, my friends.

Easy enough! Crest Whitestrips to the rescue. Mr. PD was not about to get out-whited by me, so he came home from the grocery store with two boxes. We put them on, fine and dandy. Oh yes, the first night was all fun and games.

Three mornings later, I took a sip of hot coffee—blinding pain shot through what felt like the inside of my teeth, like every nerve was pissed off. Same thing with cold water. Um, OUCH.

NOT SMILING NOW, are you, self?

I stopped using them immediately. Oh but guess what? Pdog has no pain whatsoever. Just slightly whiter teeth. Jerk.

I considered professional whitening, but I’m too scared that my teeth would be fake-y, veneer-y, Ross Geller white. So guess what I’m doing? NOTHING. Nope, not worth it. I brush with whitening toothpaste, I floss, I use mouthwash, etc. And you know what? This is why a photographer is an important investment for me. If I’m wrong and my teeth ARE a sad story next to my white-as-snow-reflecting-direct-sunlight dress, then they shall be edited out. Ta-da!

Anyone else smiling at themselves in the mirror and saying, “Eh…good enough.” …? You got any better ideas for me?

P.S. Thanks a mill for your kind words about my puppy victrola last week. He conveys his gratitude with a look of annoyance, but I swear—it’s only because seeing a camera is new and confusing to him. As is, um, everything.