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“Just tell me the location, date and time of the wedding and I’ll show up,” joked Mr. French Toast when we first started planning the wedding.
Or was he?
Early on in the planning process, Mr. French Toast expressed his desire to not play a big role with planning the wedding. After all, he couldn’t tell the difference between chiavari vs. folding chairs, pintuck vs. regular linens and all the other wedding details I bombarded him with. His only objective was to get married, even if it meant a small and intimate civil ceremony.
In retrospect, I’ve had moments where I wished I could have his attitude toward our wedding. That way, the money we saved up could be spent towards insulating our home, buying a new car, or taking a grand vacation. But like all little girls who dreams of a fairytale wedding, I was set on making my own come true and had Mr. French Toast’s full moral support.
Mr. French Toast and I established that he would be responsible for three things for the wedding, namely the photobooth, slideshow and video montage, and that he would help me when it comes time to big decisions by nodding yay or nay. For instance, I presented him three options for the invitations and he helped me pick the final design. I showed him three options for the cake design, and he picked the one we went with. That way, his time can be spent sourcing the photobooth and creating the slideshow; the things that he won’t find to be a drag.
This process has worked extremely well for us because I can plan to my heart’s content and micromanage all the fine details, while Mr. French Toast checks-in from time to time to make sure I’m still sane. I’ll be completely honest and say that it hasn’t been all sunshine and blue skies in the French Toast home. We’ve had our fair share of bickering when it came to discussing the wedding, but at the end of the day, we remind ourselves to step back and look at the big picture—the moment we become husband and wife and sharing the rest of our lives together.
How did you divvy up the wedding planning between you and your FI? Any tips to share with the hive?
As evidenced by the sock incident in Chez Lox, I suck at creating equality in the wedding planning process! I should have thought out more tasks in advance so I could recruit help more calmly. Good tip! 
thats how mine is. its great cus i can pick what i want and offer his input. but when it comes to little things like, centerpeices and stuff he dosent really notice lol
my SO told me the same thing!!!
the exact same way…although as time went on he wanted to get slightly more involved and started coming to A FEW vendor meetings…
I like the way you did things, ours is going in a similar fashion (although I may adopt some more of your style now!).
I feel very strongly having my fiance involved in the bigger decisions because that way he can’t complain later that something doesn’t look like he wants. But I definitely like the idea of giving him limited choices to provide a final decision.
I planned and Mr. Timber nodded yay or nay lol. He requested a wedding/reception instead of eloping (my idea) but I actually did enjoy researching and planning and proudly showing off my triumphs It was a joint effort even if it didn’t seem like it at the time. We came to the agreement early on that we would make an effort to have conversations that did NOT include wedding planning. It’s easy to turn every discussion toward such a major event but we also needed to stay connected to each other. That was the beginning of building our marriage
My FI has gone to every vendor meeting. He actually found our reception site all on his own. Neither of us make any decisions without the other weighing in.
Completely the opposite here. He wants to be part of the planning for everything and if I find something I like, he has to think of how to give it his own spin. Needless to say, I’ve been unable to begin certain projects because I’m waiting on the “ok” or just for a decision to be made.
Mr. E is a big fan of doing things that he is good at (anything with the computer, tools) and like you, I narrow down other options and have him select the winner.
Yup yup–I’m also part of the “here’s three options, pick one” club. 
There are certain things Mr. T has been really involved in, but others he washes his hands of!
Yeaaaa, FI only really cared about the venue. Now that that’s out of the way, he doesn’t really have an opinion either way. But that’s alright… That’s what my momma is for!
My FI pretty much said the same thing yours did from the get go. But there has been some aspects of the wedding planning where he has really gotten interested and involved. Just a few details, but oh, how I’ve cherished them! Its nice to have some stuff in the wedding with his touch as well.
Mr. P is VERY involved. I think the only thing that stopped him from helping more with the invites was that he didn’t know how to use Illustrator. He’s always game for giving an opinion or suggestion alternatives when I’m driving myself batty. (And he’s finally caught on that we’re getting married in less than 99 days!)
I informed my FI that he would at least have to give me a yay/nay headshake before I finalized anything, because if he tried to say he didn’t like something AFTER I asked him about it and AFTER he told me he didn’t care, and AFTER it was already paid for, I might have to stab him with a spoon.
P.S.-I totally don’t abuse my dearest FI, promise!
Mr. M. was pretty good about just letting me do the planning part and then helping with any project work.
Invite wording, Music playlist making and “Which one do you like? This or this?” - Mr. O is clear on his wedding planning duties, too
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Mrs. French Toast, Pleasanton, CA Age and Occupation: 29, Marketing & PR Fiance's Age and Occupation: IT geek by day, self-proclaimed handyman by night Engagement Date: October 2009 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: Palm Event Center About Me: I’m a city girl at heart who moved to the suburbs a year ago. Now I’m adjusting to life with a front lawn, nosy neighbors, cooking attempts, and making sure the garbage pail is pulled out on time every week! When I’m not traveling, Mr. FT and I enjoy marathon sessions of Law & Order: SVU, snowboarding, photography, spoiling our 3-year old yorkie-poodle Mokka and disagreeing over what music to listen to in the car. We’re planning a small winery wedding while incorporating some cultural elements into the day as a nod to our Chinese backgrounds.
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