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OK hive, I have a confession to make. Remember when I told you all about my lofty goal to sew all the napkins and escort flowers for the wedding? I left out an integral piece of information. I don’t know how to sew. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Hey, I taught myself how to knit. I’m in a profession where I’m supposed to be good with my hands. Sewing would be a piece of cake, right?
Eh, not so much.
It started out innocently enough. I began to sew an escort flower by hand, as per the tutorial. I finished with something that didn’t look too bad. Then I looked at the clock. Just putting a simple running stitch in one flower took 45 minutes, and I still had to sew the pin and button in the middle. Sewing fail.
No problem, though. I figured I’d try to up my ego and sew a few napkins. I wasn’t quite sure how to do this, but my grandmother had a sewing machine sitting in my room at her house that I could experiment with. The next time I went over there, I attempted to give it a go. How hard could it be? I mean, the instructions to thread the machine were located on it. However, I underestimated my ability to read Ikea-esque instructions on a faded sticker. Sewing machine: 1 Miss Biscuit: 0.
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| Yes, it really looked like this. |
But it wasn’t over yet.
My parents had just bought a new sewing machine, and since it was already threaded, I figured attempting to sew a napkin wouldn’t be too hard. Clearly, I underestimated the Husqvarna from hell, mocking me from my parents’ basement.
I don’t quite know how, but extremely bad things happened as I tried to sew. The bobbin got tangled, the straight stitch looked like a 5 year old sewed it, and I somehow created a divot in my fingernail.
But I wasn’t going to let the Viking win. The next day, I was determined to sew a napkin. I actually spent the time to read the instruction manual—a novel idea, I know. I also looked at a tutorial for how to sew a napkin. Apparently, there’s an iron involved. Who would have thought? And I finally did it. I made six napkins.
Sure, I still have 294 napkins to sew, but now that I actually know how to sew them, I can devote my time and effort into efficiently making them. Someday, if I get a good system going, I’ll post a tutorial.
Anyone have any major DIY fails?
I think DIY fails are always part of learning something new….I know I’ve seen my fair share!
wow, I can’t believe you stuck to it! I’m sure they will be totally worth it in the end (even if they are just a personal victory)
lol! Your drawings are so hilarious! I too am sewing challenged and the threading diagram almost always defeats me before I can get started. Glad you got the napkins figured out…eventually it will be like clockwork!
Good on you for sticking with it 
Hopefully the process will go much easier now!
I have a DIY graveyard in one of those bins in my dining room. No lie.
Biscuit I’m loling over your pic of the threading chart! Take this from a girl who learned all her sewing skills from industrial seamstresses don’t press it’s a waste of time once u have the first inch turned and under the needle a gentle tug is all u need to keep the fold going along the leangth of the napkin. As for diy fails mine involved me slamming a hammer through an ikea frame….mr ccandy was not amused
You are a braver woman than I. The sewing machine reduces me to tears every time I try to use it. I turn to Cinnamon Buns and sniffle ‘Can you do it?’ and he does. That’s how sewing gets done around here. 
i love you pics! they always crack me up. my coworks must think i’m sniffing glue over here or something!
i haven’t had any failures, but i have ahd a lot of frustration. we went to print our invites last weekend and the roller in our printer smeared the ink. an hour later we were at mr.c’s parents using their printer. another hour later i was finshed reformatting the invite so the thing would print properly on the new printer. 8 hours later, they were all done.
it was about 12 hours total to get them all glued and everything. i learned a lot though!
whoa. can we get a spell check on my post? yikes. sorry!
Bahahaha. Your pictures are hilarious - very hyperboleandahalf-esque.
I actually just learned how to sew, and am sewing 40 pillow covers. It took 5 pillows and LOTS of profanity to get it right.
Bravo on persevering!
You’re drawings are always so funny! You have far more patience than I do. I can’t sew either & if I had tried this it would have involved multiple four letter words and possibly the sewing machine being thrown across the room. Good for you for sticking with it! I can’t wait to see how your napkins come out!
Mr. T does all the sewing in our family–I think the last time I got near one I emerged looking like something from Tales of the Crypt with all of the tattered fabric and thread draped around me. You can du eet, though! Good luck!
@Miss Cotton Candy: Thanks for the tip! I may try that soon. I’m a little scared to though, not gonna lie :(.
@Chocolatte: Ahahahaha your trials have made me LOL!
@Mrs. Octopus: Yes ma’am. I was surprised no one else caught on to that!
@Miss Tartlet: My dad is the sewer as well! My mom hates to!
@Miss Lox: That’s amazing. I was actually thinking of you when I wrote this post. At least our hearts are in the right place!
I used to sew when I was in middle school and maybe a little when I started high school (ahh the joys of home ec). I don’t remember why but I stopped, then a couple years ago my mom got me a sewing machine for Christmas because I wanted to get back into it. No manual came with it because it was used, I tried to remember how to get everything set but ended up getting frustrated and gave up.
Since then Ultra bond and Liquid stitch have become my best friends. It’s surprising how many projects I have done with them.
Kudos to you for sticking with it!
I don’t know much about diy or sewing, but one thing I do love it your visuals from Paint. You’re so funny.
I’m getting married in a little over 2 months, I don’t have time to sweat the diy.
Cheers for sticking to it. I started sewing when I was a kid, my first machine was one of those Barbie things that sewed with glue. I love to sew! I could whip up the napkins for you on my serger in no time…..only thing is I have to be in the mood. Try to thread a serger, not an easy feat. I think the serger and the Viking are partners in sewing machine hell!!
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Mrs. Biscuit, Morgantown, WV Age and Occupation: 24, Dental Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Chemist at a pharmaceutical company Engagement Date: April 2010 Wedding Date: July 2011 Venue: Catholic Church, Lakeview Golf Resort and Spa About Me: I'm an engineer who decided to trek back to my hometown three years ago to become skilled in the arts of drilling and filling. I'm engaged to a pretty awesome guy who tests your assorted benzodiazepines by day and home brews by night. Together we have two fur children, Tsali and Tobias N. Fünkat. I'm a lazy perfectionist and eternal sorority girl who enjoys running, crafting, string cheese, good beer, and bad reality TV. We are planning a Big Fat Italian/Sicilian/Polish wedding filled with DIY details and are expecting 300 +/- 50 guests. Our whimsical summer affair is themed "Alice attends the Mad Hatter Vintage Garden Tea Party in a Ballroom. She Thinks That The Venue is Odd for a Vintage Garden Party, but is Tripping on LSD, so She Doesn't Really Care." Yes, I am the Dickens of themes.
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