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When Mr. S and I hired a month-of coordinator, our goal was to get someone reliable and dependable to execute the details of the wedding so that we could relax and have a good time. We were paying for peace of mind.
Unfortunately, recent events have shown me that we might have made a mistake. We might not get that peace of mind. And guys? I don’t know what to do.
See, while technically, we hired her for the month before our wedding, she made the suggestion that we should meet after the new year to just go over some preliminary details. We had an appointment for a Sunday afternoon, but about 20 minutes before I was going to leave my house, the coordinator emailed me: she didn’t feel well and needed to reschedule.
I was bummed, but I didn’t blame her for being sick, and I understood. I was really busy for the next few weeks, so we rescheduled for a Sunday in late February. Since my schedule was so jam-packed, I actually had to miss a good friend’s going-away brunch, but it was literally the only time that weekend that I could’ve met with the planner.
But as I was in my car, on the way to our meeting, I got an email on my phone. I checked it at a red light, and saw that it was from my planner. She said that she had to cancel our meeting because she had a “hysterical” bride who needed her ASAP, and she asked if she could text me later that day.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
I was furious. Furious that, for the second time, she canceled on me. Furious that she didn’t even call me, but sent an email about it. Furious that she asked if she could text me later that day instead of reschedule for later that day. And furious that she couldn’t even make her “hysterical bride” wait an hour. I mean, what could possibly be such an emergency that a bride getting married in a month couldn’t wait one single hour? I am a paying customer, and it felt really crappy being put on hold, again, for someone else.
I wanted to call her and chew her out, but I figured that wasn’t the best idea. I turned around and drove home. When I checked my email again, there was another one from her. She wanted to make sure I got the email and to insure me that as we got closer to my own wedding, she’d do the same (cancel on another bride getting married further out) for me if I needed her.
I thought about my reply for a long, long time. I wanted to make it very clear how upset I was, but still remain professional. Here’s what I came up with:
[Planner],
I hope you understand how disappointing and frustrating this is. This is the second time you’ve canceled on me last minute. I don’t mean to be harsh, but if I can’t even count on you to make a meeting, how am I supposed to have any confidence when it comes to my wedding?
I’m going through a very busy time in my life and already had to rearrange my schedule for this meeting. I don’t know when I’ll be able to meet again - not for several weeks, unless it’s an a weeknight, and I don’t want to drive all the way out to NJ after work just to get canceled on again.
I look forward to hearing any ideas or solutions you may have to improve my faith in this whole situation.
[Sloth]
She emailed me back several times over the next few days. She apologized a few more times and even offered to make it up to me by printing some programs for free (which I had to decline because we’re not having programs). It seemed like she was being sincere, but even after my initial anger finally abated, the main issue was that I no longer trusted her to be reliable. The peace of mind was gone.
I’ve spent the past few weeks stressing over what to do, what the options are. I could try to get out of the contract and get my money back, but that could get legally messy. And even if I get a refund, I don’t think I’ll be able to book another coordinator for what I paid this one. Or, I could just suck it up and let her prove to me that she’s trustworthy and dependable. But what if she’s not? What if we don’t get the peace of mind we paid for?
I’m stressed, guys.
Did you have any issues with your vendors pre-wedding? Did they come through in the end?
I’m so sorry, Sloth. Peace of mind is truly priceless, especially when you’re planning a wedding! This past week I’ve felt like the monkey-in-the-middle in a massive game of “he said, she said.” It’s so frustrating, and it really shakes your confidence. 
Unfortunately I’m in the same place where I’m wondering what I should do, so I’m definitely interested in reading the responses you get!
That is horrible to hear! I completely agree with you, she has not proven in any way to be reliable. You shouldn’t have to pay someone and also find a backup for in case that person doesn’t follow through. Maybe you could outline your expectations for her and have her sign off on it? Sort of as a counter to your contract with her. You shouldn’t have to pay someone that doesn’t fill their end of the contract. I really hope it all works out for you in the end!
Yikes that is a tricky situation! I would probably would have thought to give her another chance, but there is one thing in your post that for me raised a very very red flag.
“she’d do the same (cancel on another bride getting married further out) for me if I needed her”
Uhm… What? So basically she is saying that is was totally ok for her to cancel on you last minute just because you are getting married further out? And that she’ll do it again depending on who is getting married first?
Hey, if she can’t handle her load she should not have taken up so much work! What BS is that?
I think I would try to get out of the contract… She simply does not sound professional or reliable… I had to do something similar, and was terrified of my decision as I had no back up, but guess what - a couple of days later I already had a better alternative and all was fine again! Don’t let being afraid of not having a coordinator get you stuck with one you cannot work with!
ugh… this has red flags popping up all over. Any for her to email? No. If it’s last minute, you call, no matter how much you don’t want to make that call.
She seems passive and non-confrontational, which is something you don’t want in a planner. What if she has to stand up to a vendor for you? Sounds like she would run and hide and email them later.
I really don’t know what you should do. I personally would try to get out of it. I wish I lived closer to you so I could help!
hmm, I can totally understand her cancelling the first time, people get sick and I get that, but the second time? She should have just told hysterical bride to wait an hour, it wouldn’t have killed her, very unprofessional of her.
I would attempt to get out of the contract. She sounds a wee bit flaky to me
Poor sloth! We didn’t hire a day of/month of coordinator, because the coordinator from my venue did this for us. She was irreplaceable and I don’t think I would have mainted my sanity without her. If I were in your shoes, I would look for another doc . . .
so what would have happened if you didnt get e mails on your phone? she would have e mailed you and you wouldnt know until you were already waiting and had gone home! how un professional! i know my DOC dosent get her e mails on her phone but if i have to cancel, reschedule or just pop in her office to say hi i call. thanks to modern technology thats possible…
Oh man, Sloth This is horrible. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. This is really unprofessional of her and, like you said, now your peace of mind is gone. Think about how you are going to feel on the morning of your wedding with her in charge. Are you going to be relaxed? Unfortunately, it might be worth your peace of mind NOW to ditch her. What a crappy situation! I hope it works out!
If your no longer getting peace of mind, I’d say save the money your paying her or get a new planner. The best indication of future behavior, is past behavior. Good luck!
I absolutely agree with Miss Carousel. If she’s admitting she will willingly cancel on other brides based on “priority” that is not a good message. Instead of fixing the situation with you she’s admitting that she’ll cause this same situation with another bride when you finally become the priority. I know it’s hard to think of that other future potential bride, but I know I wouldn’t want to do business with someone who has 1) Proven to me TWICE that they cannot fulfill their obligations to me and 2) Would be willing to treat other clients the same way. No dice.
UGH, so frustrating! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. And with your Coordinator, no less! I would say, if there is any way you could get out of the contract, do it; she may end up being more trouble than she’s worth, and you may be able to book someone more reliable.
That being said, I know it’s tough to find coordinators that aren’t booked. I hope this works out for you, Sloth. Let me know if you want me to go find this person and raise some hell; I’m in the Princeton area 
I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t go with this person. Good possibility that she dropped you the second time because her other bride has a more expensive contract and doesn’t see you as worth her time/money.
I would rather hire a trusted friend of relative to help coordinate things. Our venue asked us to designate such a person to be the go to for any questions or concerns that may arise the day of so I’m not bothered with it. I’m going with my no-nonsense school teacher of an Aunt who will probably make someone cry if anything on her beloved niece’s day get ruined.
Your DOC has clearly shown that a) you are not a priority b) is unprofessional and c) that she doesn’t have the time or the skills necessary to do her job. You’ll be better off if you drop her.
Run. Run now.
Do people get sick? Yes. Do they know they are sick 20 minutes before you are supposed to get there? Pretty damn likely. However, like you, I would have given her a second chance. She blew it, bigtime.
Hi Ms. Sloth!
I read your post and couldn’t help but to tell you that what your coordinator has done is totally unprofessional. I have been a coordinator for over 10 years and have been sick, but I have NEVER cancelled at such a late hour and I have NEVER and would NEVER reschedule a meeting because of another bride. I have a staff of atleast 10 that could have handled things a bit better for sure. It has always been my practice that meetings are meetings and they’re set in stone unless the bride/ groom cancel. Emergencies happen, but unless I am in an ER somewhere with food poisoning, I’m making a meeting! If I happened to receive a call from a hysterical bride, I would suppliment my presence with a team member, attend my scheduled meeting and then attend to the other bride. Hysterics happen, but aren’t scheduled. There should be priorities. If I had cancelled twice, I would have assumed that I would need to provide a refund. Its bad business and quite frankly irritating because it gives professional planners a bad name.
That being said, I’m happy to provide assistance shuold you need some. I’m in the NYC area, but have done Philly weddings many times before. I’m reasonably priced, punctual and professional. I’d even be happy to try and negotiate a refund from the other MOC. If you’d like to chat, please feel free to give me a call. I’m happy to answer any questions that you might have. If you’ve decided to move forward with your first hire, then please allow me to still extend my offer to contact me should you have any questions about typical practices, etc. I’d also like to say a big congrats to you and Mr. Sloth. Take care and be well.
Regards,
Sarah Cook
http://www.cookproductionsandevents.com
347.948.2306
PS I’m not sure how much you paid her, but I typically only take a 25% deposit, ask for the remainder of the money on the day off and provide a 100% guarantee with a total refund offer should you not be satisfied.
Sloth, you need to get out of the contract.
If there are any issues with your refund you may want to mention that you blog on a very popular wedding site and you’d really really hate to give her a bad review which would certainly be detrimental to her so-called-business.
I really don’t like that she didn’t call when the “emergency” happened. It really bothers me even more that instead of calling you when she didn’t hear from you she emails you a second time. That’s just flat out rude.
My opinion is that I think you should try and find someone else because the thing about dealing with people is that you have to be able to trust that they will do what they say they will do and she keeps showing that she has a hard time with that…
@Miss Carousel: I agree with Carousel too. The customer you’re handling at that moment (or scheduled to handle) IS your most important customer, and if she can’t deal with schedule conflicts (of her own creation!) she really shouldn’t be in the coordinating business.
Best of luck Sloth–I dropped a vendor last minute and was super worried about it, but the replacement is 100% better and easier to work with.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re in this difficult situation! I’m an event planner myself and I would never do that to my clients. Usually it is my clients cancelling on me and I’m completely fine with it because I understand things do come up for them. But if it happens more than once, that just shows absolutely no regard for your time. Now that I’m a bride as well, I hold my vendors up to the same high expectations, exactly what I would deliver to my own clients. Be on time, be responsive, respectful, and reliable. Unfortunately your coordinator has shown NONE of those qualities. I think you need to look into hiring another coordinator!
run. like. the. wind.
I ad a gut level reaction to my WP when I met her, didn’t like her personality, etc. I pushed that aside and booked her anyway. Big mistake. She was eh, ok I guess before the day of the wedding on our wedding day I HATED her! I was so unhappy! Go with your gut! No matter the cost. Seriously.
JUST. SAY. NO.
sloth, you are an awesome person and deserve to have an equally awesome wedding! i think this is the universe’s way of saying *waving arms* “This lady is CRAAAZY!”
i’ll be thinking good thoughts for you and hope that someone terrific will come and save the day. *hugs*
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Ms. Sloth, Philadelphia Age and Occupation: 35, Account Manager and Fashion Blogger Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Design Admin Engagement Date: December 25, 2009 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Bartram's Garden About Me: I'm an internet junkie and music snob with a good eye for a bargain. I couldn't live without thrift store shopping, cheeseburgers, sushi, Coke Zero, websites devoted to silly photos of baby animals, Photoshop, and Mr. Sloth. Speaking of which, he and I are a pair of goofball homebody nerds who love our beagle (the most ridiculously adorable dog EVER) to an embarrassing degree. We're planning a low-key and intimate yet festive and quirky outdoor wedding with DIY details and deeply personal touches, and it's all taking place in the city where we fell in love and call home: Philadelphia.
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