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You see, what had happened was this. Mr. Magic and I went to check out a caterer for our magical feast.
Background: I knew, from reading Harry Potter more times than the average human, that food is one of the Five Principal Exceptions to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration. So even if I were a witch (no commentary needed, Mr. Magic!) and did know magic, I couldn’t just conjure up food with my wand. Bummer.
I also knew, from my intensive research (reading Brides magazine and Weddingbee, natch) that catering is, like, super expensive. I think it’s like 40–60% of the overall alleged budget’s costs. I’m sure there is some hard and fast (kinda) number or percentage or integer or equation but, honestly, I can’t be bothered to do this math stuff.
Seriously. I realllllllllllly cannot be bothered. One time I took a personality test at work (all my coworkers did—I wasn’t singled out for being a freak or anything like that) and when my analysis came back, it actually said this:
“You eschew rational thinking, especially regarding finances.”
Well, duh. I knew that. This just validated what I had known for years! Money just ain’t my thang. I mean, I like having money. But I’m not really good at managing money. And when the IRS sends me a letter saying I owe over $2,000, I tend to burst into tears and then avoid, avoid, avoid!!! I am a champion avoider. Whenever anything changes to make me anxious, I just bury my head in the sand (or drink margaritas—same diff, really).
OK, back to the story. So what had happened was, we went to check out a local catering company. This catering company had decent reviews, appeared only moderately pricey, and served mini-hamburgers. Seemed like a good option.
I was really excited to go because I thought that once we figured out our catering budget we could figure out our actual total budget.
Yes, that was the sound of a record scratching.
Confession time. Uh, yeah. So we might not know our total budget yet. I mean, I know what some aspects will cost…and I’m trying to save as much money as possible on other aspects…but since the final number is an estimate anyway, can’t we just estimate it after we find a caterer? Am I insane??? (Remember, I do eschew all rational thinking!)
Well, we went to the caterer, and first it was really fun! We talked about menu options for our heavy hors d’oeuvres wedding (Mini-burgers! Bacon-wrapped things!). Then, the fun ended. He asked what we wanted to drink, and would people want sweet tea, or coffee, and how many people did we think would want coffee, and would people want regular and decaf, and how many coffee mugs would we need. UM, SERIOUSLY? WTF? TOO MANY DECISIONS! BRIDAL SHUTDOWN!
After going through the food and the FREAKISHLY EXPENSIVE AND RIDICULOUSLY DETAILED RENTALS…we were about $2,000 over what I had wanted to spend. And since I also owe over $2,000 to Uncle Sam…well, this was not looking good. My eyes must have either glazed over or welled up with tears because Mr. Magic and the catering guy both started looking concerned and asking me if I was OK. I verbally told the guy it was a bit more than we wanted to spend, but I’m pretty sure my non-verbal communication clearly conveyed “Are you f*#@ing kidding me?!?”…and so he went back and made some cuts. He cut $500 and looked at me as if to say “Better?”
Um, no. No, it’s not “better.” Because that would mean we would still be paying more than I think we can afford for only a heavy hors d’oeuvres reception. Not even freaking passed hors d’oeuvres, y’all. Buffet. WTF!
The guy could tell I had hit the wall. He assembled all our papers and a printout of our itemized list with costs, and said he would be in touch. I spilled my coffee on the way out. And as soon as I got ten feet out the door, I burst into tears. Then I rejected Mr. Magic’s hug (because I was mad at the world, dammit!), got in my car, and promptly drove the wrong way on the highway and got lost.
And since then, I’ve been avoiding, avoiding, avoiding any talk about money, wedding planning, and especially caterers!
Have you avoided anything about your wedding? Can you recommend a way for me to embrace catering and finances, instead of avoiding it? If not, can you come do it for me? Thanks so much.
no catering = no food = no guests = no wedding that you wanted. capiche?
Just keep researching!!! You’ll find one within your budget. Some of these people were came across were INSANE in the membrane!
*hugs*
Ugh…learned this all too well this week. We knew the catering costs, but add a few people, add a little extra to the liquor costs, no biggie, right? Wrong. A huge biggie…like $3,000 biggie. And feeling the same Uncle Sam pain. Looks like pretty things like a few pashminas for guests, lanterns, OOT bags might have to go…sad faces. Hoping you the best!
catering was by FAR our biggest struggle, so i can totally relate. but i will say that once you find a vendor and have them booked, it is like a tremendous weight is lifted off your shoulders. keep looking - you’ll find someone!
p.s. LOVED the HP premise for this post!
We are doing our own catering, but only having about 75 guests is allowing us to do it relatively easy. Although sometimes I really wish we would have just bit the bullet and hired a caterer. Ugh foresight.
Do you have a lot of flexibility with caterers or does your venue limit which caterers you are allowed to choose?
For me, I couldn’t book the venue until I had catering proposals because some venues only allowed certain caterers. So even if I decided to splurge on the venue, I couldn’t because I couldn’t afford their preferred caterers! Felt like a way for them to keep the riff raff out and I started to feel really badly…
Also I am planning a brunch wedding and thought caterers would go easier on me because it is (a) Sunday, (b) morning, and (c) friggin EGGS! But they didn’t. They quoted very near what I’ve seen for surf and turf for galas I’ve planned. It disgusts me what they quote brides. Finally found one that is semi-reasonable…and includes a simple bar and a simple cake…and the venue works too so I am feeling much better. It was a long process though.
ANyway, maybe now that you’ve seen a proposal you can use that as a template to get preliminary quotes over email and do some less time-consuming comparisons. MAybe have your fiance help with that sort of correspondence until you see something promising and then set up another tasting.
Good luck–you will find a way!!!!
Aw, I hear ya! My plan for things I don’t like thinking about is avoid, avoid, AVOID. …this does not serve me well, usually. Best of luck!
I’m totally in the “avoid, avoid, avoid/stick my head in the sand/drink margaritas” category. Thankfully, my parents are footing the bill and my dad and FI love talking money (uck) I’ve been able to do all three of those things a lot. I don’t have any advice but I hope it gets better for you soon!
I feel much more in control of my money after listening to “The Total Money Makeover” audio book by Dave Ramsey. Since then we have paid off our debt (our cars and student loans), and budgeted for our wedding that we are paying for ourselves. I HIGHLY recommend him.
Oh Magic, I avoided money for so many months it wasn’t even funny. When I finally stopped avoiding? Mr. Lox and I fought for about a month. I think we’re all evened out now at least tho!
Oh no! 
Catering is a big chunk of money fo’ sho’, and I hope your estimate comes back closer to what you feel comfortable with.
Poor Magic…it will work out. I agree with the research suggestion, keep looking. Something will work out!
Miss Magic, I live in the same area - if you like (or LOVE) italian food, Caffe Luna (in Raleigh) will do a buffet for ~$40/person. If you were to use the restaurant for the venue, alcohol is included in that price, and the venue fees are waived after you reach a certain price. I don’t know what the cost is to have them cater, but the owner is very sweet and the events coordinator was also very friendly 
Um you are amazing because you use Harry Potter references. That is all.
Magic I avoided finding a caterer too! At some point i remember going into the ugly cry because every estimate we were receiving was 2-3k over our budget and only included like 1 app and a sad little piece of chicken!
Oh sweetie, math avoidance happens to the best of us. Once we figured out the catering part of it, everything else fell into place. It’s a big chunk of the budget.
I am that you didn’t have a good first catering experience, but 
at your Potter knowledge!!
Oh hon! I am so sorry. And yes I am with you that the catering and rentals are the two biggest things we have to cover for the reception. Have you thought about going with a restaurant? We found a fabulous one that agreed to do tapas style food for a fraction of the price of any caterers. And the food is delicious.
I understand because I avoid talking/thinking/dealing about/with finances as much as possible. That said, my suggestion for handling the catering is to work backwards on your budget. You already know the basic percentage of your overall budget catering will take. So 60% of what is $2,000 more than you want to spend? Knowing that caterer charged you more than you wanted to spend gave you the catering budget number.
Keep that number in mind as you decide what food you want. Heavy hors d’oeuvres can be very affordable; check with your favorite local restaurant and see what they would charge for the food you want, and if they will provide a large urn for coffee. You can separately then hire servers to keep the hors d’oeuvres trays full, possibly from a local college’s culinary arts/hospitality management program, or your local restaurant.
I hope you get some ideas that work for you from this thread
Agreed with MrsTimber above - I think catering companies that do lots of weddings often inflate their prices. Instead, we contacted our favorite small local restaurant and it turns out they have a catering menu, and it’s much more affordable! (With no added wedding premium, since they charge the same for all types of events.)
We’re also separately buying our own booze and hiring a bartender through a college “student-staffed agencies” program. It’s a bit more work, but this is one way to save money and get precisely what you want.
And don’t worry about not having a budget yet! We really didn’t, either, until we had initially priced out the big stuff like catering, rentals, etc. Then it was clearer which things we could cut in order to splurge elsewhere.
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Mrs. Magic, Chapel Hill, NC Age and Occupation: 30, Licensed Clinical Social Worker Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Researcher Engagement Date: December 1, 2009 Wedding Date: October 2011 Venue: Barn at Valhalla About Me: I’m a tall drink of water (5’10”!) and a Southern bride with an enormous appetite for Mexican food, good deals, anything French, and all things wedding! By day I am lucky enough to work with individuals with autism and their families. By night, I’m even luckier to be able to spend time hanging out with awesome friends, crafting, shopping, thinking about exercising, and kicking it with Mr. Magic and our two cats. I tend to have sudden, intense cravings that will not be denied (seafood enchiladas! new jeans!) and I’m prone to being a disorganized mess of anxiety and stress. After waiting (and waiting!) to get engaged, I am finally planning the colorful, fun, fabulously awesome Fall wedding of our dreams. In an effort to share the fun and craziness that is wedding planning, I’m gonna blog about it for y’all---the good, the bad, and the pretty!
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