Weddingbee Blog

I recently mentioned that my sister and I spent some time planning the details for my engagement party. And you may have found yourself thinking, “Hmm, why is Miss Sparkler having an engagement party when she and Sparks have CLEARLY been engaged for nine months??? That seems so silly!” Good question. It does seem so silly. (And have I really been engaged for NINE months? Geeeez.) While I am beyond excited to celebrate with my friends and family, I have to be honest with you all: this is a bittersweet affair.

Our original party was supposed to happen last November, when Sparks and I were (sort of) freshly engaged. I have to admit, that month was shaping up to be pretty good for the two of us. I had two marathons to run, Sparks had so many concerts to go to that he actually made a daily schedule, and my mom was throwing us a (sure to be beautiful) engagement party. I woke up almost every day feeling overly thrilled about the fun stuff coming our way.

Then, as I was pinning on my bib the morning of my second race, we got a phone call that changed everything.

My grandfather had collapsed at home and was rushed to the hospital where he was now on life support. I tried to process the information, but it was impossible. I just kept telling myself that it would be OK, that it HAD to be OK. I had never lost a grandparent. All four were strong and healthy…I was in no way mentally prepared for something like this.

Sibs the morning of the race. Shamelessly wearing my Chicago shirt.

So we ran our race. And afterward, it was apparent that things would not be OK. We had to talk. The engagement party was supposed to be that Saturday, and I was adamant that it needed to be cancelled immediately. I didn’t give a crap about celebrating. Everyone else was adamant that it must go on: “Your grandfather would be furious if we cancelled this because of him!”, they kept telling me. They were right, but I just couldn’t handle the thought of smiling through a party when all I wanted to do was cry. So we decided not to decide. I flew back to Chicago, my family went home to Virginia, and we waited to see what the doctors would tell us.

On Thursday evening, in the most unexpected way, things got worse. Sparks got a call at 5 AM that his father was in the hospital. His family suggested that he fly home. Sparks and I stood together in our dark kitchen, just staring at each other wondering what in the hell was going on. Later that day, my family took my grandpa off life support.

We cancelled the party with 24 hours notice and flew home to our families.

A lot of people have asked me if this experience brought Sparks and me closer together. The easy answer would be “sure,” but the honest answer is, “not really.” It shook our world. Sparks and I aren’t particularly superstitious, and we don’t believe in “fate,” but it was impossible to ignore the timing and impact of these events. I’m being honest when I tell you that I lost it for a little bit. I never questioned whether or not we should get married; I was just…worried. I think. I don’t really know what I was.

I still cannot believe that my grandpa is gone. He was my biggest fan. We talked multiple times during the week, and he read my blog every day. He was always telling me how proud he was of me, how much he loved my writing…It’s still so hard to talk about.

My sister and me in my grandpa’s Navy hats. He was a Vietnam vet.

Sparks and I are very thankful, however, that his dad recovered from what was a serious and scary ordeal. We are thankful that we have each other to lean on, and that we are able to celebrate with our wonderful friends and family in a few weeks. If any of you are reading this, I hope you understand how floored we are that you would cancel your flights on such short notice, and then rebook without a question when we announced the new date. You are a constant reminder of the reasons we want to bring our two families together. We love you and we can’t wait to toast with you.

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.”

Muhammad Ali

I know there are brides out there who have experienced a similar loss. I would love to hear from you. How did you cope with such a change during your planning?