Weddingbee Blog

Nowadays it is very easy to share ideas and gather wedding inspiration from all over the world. However, regardless of the style and design choices, wedding customs and conventions are still very much local. (Yes, even weddings have gone glocal.)

At our wedding there will be guests from different countries and continents. They will all have different wedding expectations and will compare our wedding to what they are used to. Here is a small overview of what kind of expectations we might be dealing with:

Northern Europe

From what I’ve seen, in Northern Europe proposals and marriages are very underrated. There is not much pressure to get married to begin with, as many couples never get married at all. Engagement rings are often simple bands and the ceremony is a private affair where only close family participates. All the friends join later on in the evening (or even the day after) for a dinner plus disco-style dancing, which often goes on till the wee hours of the morning.

Southern Europe

In Southern Europe weddings usually start with a traditional ceremony and continue with a lavish, endless gourmet meal, during which everyone gets merrier and merrier. Sometimes there is dancing, but it’s not common or expected. Couples do add their own touches to the affair, but the event is still seen as “only” a wedding and not as the embodiment of a couple’s personality.

United States

In the States I have the impression that weddings are bigger, longer, and more expensive affairs, as there are many other elements surrounding the wedding itself. For example, in mainland Europe it is not customary to have a rehearsal dinner (What?? You pay for TWO meals??) or a bridal party. In the States weddings are also more personal and end up involving lots of people. I like that, as I imagine it often brings people closer together!

Disco Style: 1, 2; Merry style: 3, 4; DIY heaven: 5, 6

What makes me a bit nervous about the whole situation is that I realized that there is no way that we can meet all the expectations that our guests will have. Depending where they are from, they might feel our wedding is too formal, or too casual, or too elaborate, or too simple…and so on.

We will not have disco dancing until 6 AM. We won’t have a huge group of people who all know each other—or that even speak the same language, for that matter! We won’t have a wedding party. When I let my thoughts wander like this, I can’t help but feel that our wedding is not enough.

I logically know that we cannot and should not please everyone. But the people pleaser in me demands that I try. So what’s a girl to do?

For one, I try to shift the focus. What I am organizing is not only a wedding: it’s an opportunity to offer our guests the best that Italian hospitality has to offer.

Secondly, I’m trying to incorporate some small touches from each country into the wedding day so that our guests will recognize some familiar activities or elements during the day (more on that later!).

Thirdly, I remind myself that the wedding will be disappointing only if I will be nervous and worried during the day, as my attitude will affect everyone else. If I’m happy and confident no matter what happens or what goes wrong, everyone else will also be happy!

How did you deal with diverse cultural expectations for your wedding? Did you address them or ignore them?

Any tips on letting go of the urge to please everyone?