Everything has been meandering along fairly smoothly in the Jaguar household lately. I was commenting to a friend the other day that I was feeling calm and that most wedding-related projects are either in the works or are ones that can’t be done for the time being, so all is well. Having said that, it turned out to be the kiss of doom and the universe today decided to kick me in the shins and give me a stern talking to about jinxing things when they’re good.
Mr. Jaguar sent me a message this morning, telling me that one of his groomsmen is backing out of our big day. I’ll tell you his reasoning for the drop-out below, but just for a good visual reference, this was basically my expression for the entire day today. (Though you’ll have to imagine the teeth baring being a LOT more sinister.)
Why yes, I do have a webcam with cheesy, cheesy special features. And it is awesome.
Without writing you an epic novel over how it all went down, I thought I’d summarise it into bullet points for you instead:
- Friend lives in London, is also Australian.
- Friend was asked to be a groomsman in September 2009, not long after we got engaged. Mr. Jaguar was always worried about him feeling as though he had to say yes, even though the wedding was in another country, but he asked him anyway with plenty of notice.
- Friend said YES, really excited and thought that the trip to Sydney for the wedding would work perfectly, since he needed to go home in 2011 to visit family anyway.
- Mr. Jaguar gave Friend 500 pounds to contribute towards his flight to help him out, Friend accepted and all was fine.
- Just before we moved home to Sydney, checked in with Friend for farewell drinks—all still going well with the wedding visit, looking forward to bringing his new girlfriend along, too.
- Friend sent “Save the Date” cards, commented on how it was all happening quickly, looking forward to arriving early and taking Mr. Jaguar out for some pre-wedding festivities.
- Friend gets engaged last month—excitement! Fun! Merriment! Lots of well wishes back and forth to the couple, looking forward to celebrating with them when they visit in June.
- Mr. Jaguar emails Friend just this past week to discuss flight details and suit measurements, in order to hire formal-wear for him on his behalf. No response from friend.
- Friend writes back in email, pulls out of wedding altogether.
Now, I understand that sometimes things get tough. Jobs are lost, money gets tight, things happen that get in the way of attending a wedding in another country. But there are a few things that had me furious about the whole deal, particularly the way that he explained himself. His email basically said in summary: “Thanks for writing, but we’ve actually canceled our Australian trip. We’ve got our own wedding to plan, and you don’t realise how expensive and stressful wedding planning is until you’re doing it yourself. Sorry about that, have a great time. Friend.”
He knew the trip had been canceled, and he knew he wasn’t going to be a groomsman for us. Instead of ringing or Skyping or contacting Mr. Jaguar as soon as he knew it wouldn’t be an option, he waited until now—until the last possible second, to let him know. He had 18 months of notice that he’d agreed to, and before you shout at me, I KNOW that our wedding is not the centre of the universe. It just seems like common sense to me that if you accept a commitment as big as that, you’d either a) work out a way to honour it, or b) let people know ASAP that your plans have changed. And don’t even get me started on the whole ‘Woe is me, wedding planning is so hard and stressful’ crap—do they not think that a groomsman cancelling and leaving us in the lurch 84 days away from the wedding might be just a tad stressful for us? Un-freaking-believable.
But all that aside, what really irks me is that Mr. Jaguar is embarrassed about it all. Having only recently returned to Sydney and both starting new jobs, it’s too early to have made super close friends yet, and he feels awkward asking someone else to be a part of the wedding. He confessed last night that he feels like he has ‘no friends’ and feels like crap about it…and it’s HIS WEDDING. No one should be made to feel like they’re not that important leading up to one of the biggest days of their lives, and I can see that his little heart is broken. Nothing makes me rage up like a crazy woman than seeing Mr. Jaguar hurting, and not being able to do anything about it. I’m a Leo: and this big cat over here doesn’t like to see her loved ones in pain.
Anyway, there’s not much I can do: I’m leaving it completely up to him now. He can decide if he wants to invite someone else to be his third, or if he wants to leave it as his best man and other groomsman. It doesn’t worry me in the slightest—I just want him to be happy.
Did you have any disappointments when it came to your bridal party?
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