Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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What’s the biggest way you’ve changed personally now that you’re married? How did this change come about?

Since getting married, I’ve gotten better at budgeting and at keeping up with our household. I used to charge things on my credit card willy-nilly and then feel guilty about it later when I had no idea what my bank balance was. Now I set a monthly budget and stick to it (mostly). As for the household, I recently was introduced to a website (warning—it’s a little cheesy) that helps to break chores down into daily routines that are manageable. I’ve never found anything before that has kept my house so clean! I guess those are pretty shallow changes, but I think that I’ve changed in these ways because marriage has made me less selfish. I really want what’s best for us as a family now, and not just what works for me. I feel like, even more than before, a part of a team.

I feel like I am part of a greater, weightier unit as a Mrs., but at the same time, I feel a greater need to preserve the Miss. Weird?

So, Miss Taco was awesome. She had a history and skills and qualities that, Mrs. or not, are still important and special. But Mrs. Taco brings a few new tricks to table. I think it goes back to everything we’ve been writing about in the After “I Do” series. Shared finances, household chores, in-law management, appreciating each other, being the best person I can possibly be: these things became even more important to me after the vows, so I then promised myself to explicitly carry them out. From all the biggies to even the smallest things, like saying please and cleaning the tub when I said I would.

This reminds me that I still haven’t cleaned the tub, but you get what I’m saying.

Hm, so interesting. I think my biggest change is that although I am adamant about my independence, I am starting to realize my perception of being part of a larger whole now. I resisted it for so long, but now I understand that, and why, people expect we will both be places! (I hated as a kid when someone would ask me where my best friend was if I arrived on my own—I would say, “I’m my own person, I do stuff alone!”) Mr. HC and I are more or less a unit now, and I am definitely coming to understand and incorporate that more into my own life all the time.

Also, my name is different. That’s still weird to me!

I think I’ve grown up some more. I grew up a lot during our engagement, but since being married, I’m finding that I’m handling life’s issues in a (more) mature way. Or…at least I’m trying.

I think I’ve also become much more open to trying new things. I’m not sure why, but I think because I know that I have this constant support system by my side, and I’m not afraid to branch out and try something new. I know that Mr. Socks will always be there to support me, and it gives me courage, confidence, and warm fuzzies!

I don’t really feel like I’ve changed much. I like sparkly things more.

The biggest way that I’ve changed is trying to rein in my independence. I was so used to doing things the way I wanted, when I wanted and however I wanted. Now, I realize that we’re a team and that being a team is a good thing. I’m still pretty independent, but we’re a unit now and “what I say” doesn’t always go. It was hard to realize that I couldn’t just buy whatever I wanted and that I had to discuss things with Mr. Fro Yo, but it’s kept me from making a lot of frivolous purchases. So that’s a good thing.

I don’t think I’ve changed a lot. If I had to pick something, I’d say I’ve become more patient. I don’t have as much of a “need to win,” and I’m more likely to say “don’t worry about it” than to try to play “he said/she said” when we disagree on something. That could be due to marriage, but it also could just be due to maturity on my part. I’m still a homebody, I’m still a type-A, and life is pretty much carrying on the same way it has!

I think that the biggest change in me since our wedding is my mindset—immediately after the wedding, I was restless. I felt that I needed to be doing something…ANYTHING. I tried to keep myself busy with home improvements and hobbies, but soon I just realized that I was missing all of the planning that is associated with the wedding. Now, I get excited to just “be” with Mr. FF—a Friday night spent at home with a glass of wine is something to be enjoyed and savored, rather than rushed through to get to the next “thing.” I think “contented” is the right word for it.

I think the biggest thing that has changed after the wedding is having the “we” mindset rather than the “me.” I think about things (whether it is what to make for dinner each night or bigger decisions like where to live, vacation, etc.) with Mr. Buttons as a major part of the consideration. I no longer dream about traveling to Europe on a whim…because that is not practical. I can’t just pop a big bag of popcorn to eat for dinner, because Mr. Buttons would be very hungry. For 24 years I was able to be selfish and independent, but now I have transitioned into being part of a unit…a family…rather than just an individual.

I’m a bit sad to admit it but I think my relationships with my friends have changed. For some reason, I just feel so guilty if I leave him alone that I’ve definitely stopped hanging out as much. I know some of my friends are a bit frustrated with my actions and I’m trying my hardest to balance everyone but it’s so hard! I love my husband and I love my friends but deciding who is a priority isn’t easy!

On one hand, almost nothing has changed on the surface. My go-to answer for every newlywed’s favorite question–”how’s married life?”–is “pretty much just like unmarried life.” It’s not totally true that everything is exactly the same, though. Even though Mr. Octo and I have been together for years and years, we have both always put a pretty high value on feeling like two independent people, and I will admit that in the past, I thought of myself, my needs, and my wants before I thought of his. I do still want to have my own interests, hobbies, friends, and so on, but as I’ve gotten older, more mature, and now married, I am much more conscious about putting him and our partnership on an equal level of consideration with my own wants. So, I would say that what has changed is that I try really hard to always have him and our relationship in the forefront of my mind when making decisions.

For this question, I turned to Mr. Pencils. His response was that I haven’t changed at all. Boo. I’ve tried to become more patient since we’ve married, more aware of not letting outside frustrations impact our world. It seems that it’s not noticeable yet, but it just means I can try a bit harder.

I’ve embraced gender stereotypes a little more. I am an only child so I was raised as such, doing manly things as well as girly things. I think while I was single it was something I was proud of—I could vacuum, but then if the vacuum broke, I take apart a vacuum and figure out what was wrong with it (well, to a certain extent. I’m no engineer.). Now, as I’m married, I find that I’m pretty content to do womanly things and leave Mr. Peng to do the more manly things. I know it’s not ideal and we’re supposed to assert our “I am woman, hear me roar” attitudes, but if we’re being honest with our changes here, it’s probably been my biggest change. I make Mr. Peng do all the heavy lifting and problem solving when it comes to things breaking or if there is something wrong with the house and in turn I do all of the chick stuff like daily cleaning, laundry, cooking. I used to be proud that I could do it all, but now I don’t really care that I just do the stuff that is typically associated with women. Oh, and I definitely don’t pretend to like watching sports anymore. YAWN! (UCLA sports are the exception; still love those!)

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What about you? How have you changed since you got married?