On Soul Mates and “The One”

On Soul Mates and “The One”

April 7th, 2011 @ 8:41 am by Ms. Sloth
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During my recent perusal of celebrity gossip websites (what? When I’m stressed, I love to read fluff!) I came across two different stories that used the same word:

Holly Madison is Looking for Her Soul Mate. Also, Liz Taylor is Buried Near her ‘Soulmate’ Michael Jackson.

It’s all about the soul mate.

On Soul Mates and The One : wedding philadelphia relationships Soulmat1 SOULMAT

Painting by Cheri Reichers, available at CheriArt.com

And it got me to thinking: I don’t consider Mr. S my soul mate.

I don’t consider him “the one.” It’s nothing against my beloved; I just don’t believe in soul mates, period.

I just can’t believe that, out of the three and a half billion men on this planet (give or take), that there is only one man out there for me. I strongly believe that, if I’d never met Mr. S, I probably would’ve eventually met another man who would have made me just as happy.

This may sound terribly unromantic to some, but I don’t think so. Mr. S and I didn’t meet because of fate, and we’re not getting married because of some kind of cosmic destiny. We met because we had similar career goals and ended up working at the same company, and we are getting married because we fell in love, worked very, very hard at our relationship over the past seven years, and are choosing to make a commitment and spend the rest of our lives together.

But if we hadn’t met? We’d probably both be doing the same thing with someone else. But we met and fell in love, and neither one of us has any interest in looking for someone else. We’re fully, 100% committed.

So, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he is “the one” for me, and I’m “the one” for him. But it’s not because we’re soul mates—it’s because we’ve chosen each other.

Do you believe in soul mates and “the one?”

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46 Responses to “On Soul Mates and “The One””

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Guest

kate169

I’m like you…I believe in choice rather than fate

4/7/11 @ 8:45 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Giraffe (message) 4,216 posts, Honey bee

I totally believe in all of it. It makes me just happy to think that Mr. G is the exact right “one” for me.

That being said, you are so right, even if you’re with the person you love, you definitely have to put work and time in it to make it a strong relationship.

4/7/11 @ 8:52 am (reply)

Member

mrsbowieii (message) 693 posts, Busy bee

I can’t say I agree with the whole soul mates or “the one” theory. Our relationship hasn’t been candy, cards, and rainbows but we put in the work for the last 10 years to get to this point. Like you we made the commitment to spend the rest our lives together nothing more and nothing less.

4/7/11 @ 8:52 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Lox (message) 1,128 posts, Bumble bee

Sloth, I think I love you. This is totally how I feel.

4/7/11 @ 8:56 am (reply)

Member

lawschool bride (message) 296 posts, Helper bee

the things I dislike the most about the soul mate and “the one” thing is that I think sometimes people use it as an excuse when they don’t want to stay in a relationship. Like, I don’t feel complete, this must not be my soul mate, gotta keep looking. Or oh , I found someone new, and they’re so wonderful, they must be my soul mate. Haha anyways, that’s just my two cents.

4/7/11 @ 8:56 am (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

I love this question and every time, I have to defer to Sex and the City (What? It’s my go-to for relationship advice, ha!)

Carrie asks Big if he believes in soul mates and his response is:

“I like the word ’soul.’ And I like the word ‘mate.’ Other than that, you got me.”

That’s how I feel

4/7/11 @ 9:04 am (reply)

Member

Gerbera (message) 4,481 posts, Honey bee

Actually I totally believe in “the one” and “soul mates”.
The way my husband and I met were through a weird twist of events that if it weren’t meant to be just could not have happened. We are both so different and yet so alike in many ways. I absolutely 150% believe he’s my other half.
But I also believe not everyone in this world is lucky enough to meet their soulmate. When you do you’ll know and believe.
I don’t think there is anyone else in this universe that is as perfect for me as my husband.

4/7/11 @ 9:06 am (reply)

Member

Crabbabs (message) 724 posts, Busy bee

Right on! I feel the exact same way.

4/7/11 @ 9:08 am (reply)

Member

elivt (message) 187 posts, Blushing bee

You know, the problem is, as a postmodernist, I don’t really believe in ‘Truth’ or ‘The One’ or ‘Soul Mate.’ And so, by choosing him, I sometimes get these feelings of mourning for all the other billion ways I could have been happy. Cause there are, like, a billion other ways I could have been happy. I guess at some point you have to choose your choice. I do know, even in my confused, occasionally nihilistic brain, however, that if I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know, I would choose him every time. So I guess thats something, right?

And yes. Choice. We’re kind of designing our entire ceremony/vows around the concept of choice. Have you read Tom Robbins? He writes about ‘Choice’ in a pretty brilliant way.

4/7/11 @ 9:09 am (reply)

10.

Member

bRooklynRocks (message) 3,767 posts, Honey bee

I totally heart this post. I don’t believe in soul mates. Well, in the way it’s interpreted. I believe that if I didn’t meet FI, I could have met someone else that could have made me happy. Same for him too. I don’t believe he’s the only man on earth who could have made me happy.

4/7/11 @ 9:11 am (reply)

11.

Member

Courtnee (message) 153 posts, Blushing bee

I believe there is more than one for each of us. God forbid there is a terrible tragedy and my fiance or I die–I hope that the other would go on to find love and happiness with someone else and continue living life. We are so lucky to have found each other and chosen each other but I agree with you Sloth…

4/7/11 @ 9:15 am (reply)

12.

Member

MsJeep23 (message) 1,375 posts, Bumble bee

I truly believe that FI and I are male/female versions of each other, and back when we were young’uns I just KNEW that our incredible similarity, coupled with random facts from our pasts (we were born in the same hospital, liked the same books as kids, etc.) meant that he was The One.
But as we’ve grown and gotten older I’ve come to realize this is just too simplistic of a view. He is perfect for me, but does that logically follow that he’s the only perfect one? Nope. There could be a dude in Australia who, I dunno, was born on the same day as me and we watched the same movies as kids, and we could be totally in love via any other coincidence or twist of fate. Who knows!
And besides, chalking it all up to Fate leaves out that important little thing, effort. As I come to see our relationship as a combining of two lives and histories, I know that every day we make the choice to be with each other and to love each other, even through the sh***y times. That to me is more important than anything.

4/7/11 @ 9:22 am (reply)

13.

Member

PitBulLover (message) 8,314 posts, Bee Keeper

Like Gerbera, I believe that my husband is my soul mate because of all the ways we could have not met. There were so many things that had to have happened for us to meet thats its hard for me not to believe.

4/7/11 @ 9:24 am (reply)

14.

Member

bree72 (message) 2,086 posts, Buzzing bee

I’m with you 100%, Sloth! And I actually think it is more romantic that we chose each other.

4/7/11 @ 9:27 am (reply)

15.

Member

toshella (message) 642 posts, Busy bee

I agree with you Sloth! I think that FI and I are together because we are extremely compatible, chose to be with each other, and are 100% committed to our relationship. But do I think he’s the only person who could have made me happy? Nope. But I’m glad we met when we did, and that he’s the one I’m marrying.

4/7/11 @ 9:39 am (reply)

16.

Member

cabana_girl (message) 26 posts, Newbee

Very honest…and I feel the same way!

4/7/11 @ 9:50 am (reply)

17.

Member

MissToad (message) 8 posts, Newbee

I don’t know if I believe in the concept of “the one”, but I think I probably believe in the concept of the soul mate. I mean, who’s to say that you can only have one soul mate? I have met several men (and women) during my life that I felt a deep personal connection with - romantic or not. My mom has an interesting perspective on this (and it’s one that I share): She thinks that groups of souls travel together, and that you meet up with them when you’re supposed to in life. I really like this idea, and I feel like PB (the FI) and I met at exactly the right time, and we couldn’t be happier.

4/7/11 @ 9:55 am (reply)

18.

Member

BrightYellowGaloshes (message) 250 posts, Helper bee

My FI and I agree with you, Miss Sloth! It [may have] taken guts to write and post this; I’m glad you did!

4/7/11 @ 10:07 am (reply)

19.

Member

DeaconBride (message) 659 posts, Busy bee

Since I am an encore bride, I have to believe that love can happen more than once.
Love is a CHOICE and you have to make that choice everyday!! I agree with this post 100%
I am totally committed to my FI and I am so very happy that we chose each other; however, if I had not met him, I want to believe that someone would have come into the picture - in a different way.
No, it does not make us less than those that feel they have found their soul mate either.

4/7/11 @ 10:08 am (reply)

20.

Bee

Miss Tartlet (message) 3,207 posts, Sugar bee

You rock, Sloth. Mr. Tartlet is of the exact same mindset, and really appreciates this post. Part of me likes to believe in soul mates in a “What Dreams May Come” sort of way, but deep down I know there are many paths to happiness.