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“I don’t tip because society says I have to. Alright, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I’ll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it’s for the birds” - Mr. Pink, Reservoir Dogs
With the big day right around the bend (23 days - EEEEE!), this bride’s brain has been twisted around a particularly gray topic…
TIPPING.
In the everyday Ostrich world, Mr. O and I are big tippers. Partly because we, many moons ago, served cocktails, refilled ice, and mopped up bar floors. We got paid peanuts and those tips made the icky parts of our jobs totally worth it.
And we also tip because we believe it brings us good juju…karma…warm fuzzy vibes, you know.
At our favorite izakaya joint, the manager reserves our favorite seats whenever we call, free pitchers of Sapporo, and complimentary appetizers from the chef. Awesome, right? And all because we love to eat and love to tip. 
So when it comes to our wedding, the natural instinct for Mr. O and me is to give a very generous tip to all of our vendors. But after reading all the wedding mags about wedding tipping etiquette, I’m a little baffled.
These articles suggest that if your vendor owns their own business, they’ve already negotiated their fees and tipping is not required. Um, what? So basically, no tips would be required for 95% of our vendors (everyone except our officiant).
You guys, this advice goes against every instinct in me and Mr. O’s body. NOT TIP??? Is this the right thing to do? I mean, we’re lovers of all small businesses and if anything, these are the spots we drop the biggest tips. So what makes self-employed wedding vendors different from, say, our favorite coffee shop? I don’t get it.
And, what about the good juju? Mr. O and I would feel uber guilty if at the end of the night, we say “Thanks, vendor!” and lamely shake their hand as we part ways. AWFUL.
So what are we gonna do?
We’re gonna tip our self-employed vendors…with GIFTS. Nothing too blingy or $$$$, but something sweet (and probably from Gilt or Etsy) as a token of our appreciation. We think our vendors are awesome and we WANT them to feel that good juju too.
Now it’s your turn: will you be tipping your self-employed vendors or not? Or, will you be giving them gifts? Is anyone out there as twisted as I am about this?
I think it all depends on the relationship you have built along this wedding journey. I don’t plan to tip any vendors, except for my musicians (of which I probably have too many - LOL)
I may send a small gift to my florist, but we have “bonded”. I feel that it is not an expectation to tip florists, photogs, etc.
A lot of our vendors were self employed and we definitely tipped them! We had 2 separate envelopes set apart for each vendor, the recommended tipping and extra for extraordinary service! Everyone but the DJ got the extra tip for extraordinary service!
I would like to say that I only tip when people deserve it but I am a compulsive tipper. I don’t want to appear in a negative way . Sad but true!
We’re getting married in an old southern antebellum home. It is where our rehearsal dinner, ceremony, and reception will be…oh and its our place to stay that night. The couple that owns the house - who is AWESOME- also does the catering and rentals (how lucky did we get??) So of course we are doing something for them…probably a gift as well!
We will be tipping our officiant for sure and the delivery person for the florals, probably (since I’m sure it’s some 17 year old kid who could use a couple extra bucks) I don’t feel “bonded” to any of our other venders, actually, but I will be giving a few envelopes with money in them to a trustworthy groomsman to dole out if it’s appropriate & the service was outstanding (like the MC, our photogs). Our cake maker will probably get a gift because I’ve known her for awhile
We didn’t tip our most of our vendors. I agree with the etiquette that if the vendor owns the business why would they charge less just to hope for bonus tips? We worked with wonderful talented people but after paying thousands and having our caterers tell us tips are included in our staff’s wages we didn’t feel it was necessary. Most of the girls tipped the hairstylist but our photographer was a friend and we offered to pay for his room/board + standard wages. Our DJ was good but honestly just average for what we paid - we were happy but not enough to give him extra cash. Maybe others would feel guilty about this but I did not. We gave every one of them fabulous reviews online on multiple sites and have recommend them all to friends.
Interesting-I was always taught that it was expected to tip most of your vendors-we even tipped our engagement photographer because we adored her.
The only person I’m a little leary of (and I think this was mentioned in the comment on the MS site as well) is the hair person. If I go in for a usual updo it’s $50, the same hair is going to cost me $150-$175 on the big day AND I need to tip them? It’s a little shady to me.
We looked at all the guidelines, and decided we’re not tipping our self-employed photographer, but our caterer is going above and beyond (he’s basically become our DOC), so we’re tipping not only his staff, but him too (he did tell us in the contract that tips were not included for the staff). Fortunately we have lots of ‘friendors’ who are doing things (baking cake, arranging flowers, officiant) in lieu of wedding presents, so I think we’ll give them nice gifts instead! As for hair stylist… she’s my regular, and I always tip her 20%, so I think I’ll do that this time…
While tipping isn’t mandatory, I think that it’s a nice gesture if you feel that your vendor had done an excellent job.
I don’t think a vendor should feel entitled to a tip as a food server might. I think that a tip should be for exemplary service. This is beyond “fair exchange”.
Vendors should realize that wedding budgets are typically stretched to the limit, so there may be only enough for the original agreement.
I’ve organized many large scale events so I am trying to keep in mind how business has been done then. I’ve never tipped professional photographers. Same with event designers (decor) and floral. Catering always builds in gratuity and my particular contract sets it at 20% (I feel a little skeptical that this all goes to staff but what can you do). My stylists are freelance and will come to my site and should not expect a tip but I will give them a small tip (meaning like 10%) simply as a gesture but they are already getting waaaay above market prices for their services with very little overhead. We will tips our musicians a set amount (probably 25-50) and probably any delivery folks if we catch them…
We’ve been squirming around this topic, too, and are leaning towards having tips set aside in envelopes to hand out the day of. The other thing we’re contemplating are gift baskets of local food items, but I don’t know them well enough to feel confident that they’d actually *like* the stuff we put in there!
Just because you aren’t required to tip, doesn’t mean that you can’t. You also don’t need to tip that coffee shop under standard etiquette rules - but I’m sure the employees are glad that you do. Same would go for your photographer, etc.
I had no idea, thank you for this post! Now I have no idea what I’m going to do. However, I think your idea of gifts is a spectacular one. I might do that now… I hate to be cutesy, but thanks for the tip!! 
I’m tipping self employed if they do a good job. No tip for caterers (it’s included in price), probably none for photog b/c I won’t see pics until later. If they’re amazing, I’ll send something. I’ll prob tip the DJ, musicians, DOC/officiant and MAYBE the videographer. Probably will also tip hair and makeup people, but not florist … honestly. It’s tricky though. I’m not sure how much to give either…
We will ABSOLUTELY be tipping all our vendors ’self-employed’ or not. As someone that used to work in the wedding industry and made pittance for money a tip meant the WORLD to me. I never expected one but after working for over 12 hours running all over the place behind the scenes to make sure everything came out just perfect for this couple (I was a wedding coordinator’s assistant) a tip was the best thank you in the world. Even a small tip. Just something to say thanks and recognize that I had worked my BUTT off so they wouldn’t notice anything went wrong on their special day. I say tipping these ’self-employed’ vendors is EPIC Good Juju.
i’m a wedding planner and fellow bride! from the beginning, i tell my clients to not tip us b/c we won’t accept it, although we have accepted gifts! i’d say the people who probably deserve the tips most are the banquet captains. they are in charge of all the waitstaff during your reception so you may not even notice them, but they are my go-to when a guest arrives late so needs their food, lighting needs to dim, a drink is spilled, etc. if you tip the captains, they’ll usually spread it out to the whole waitstaff.
i’m planning to give my vendors a thank you goodie bag w/water, Nothing Bundt Cake bundlet (where we are also getting our wedding cake), a thank you note, & possibly something personalized depending on my relationship w/a particular vendor.
Agree with @historienne, just because you aren’t required to doesn’t mean you can’t… or that it won’t be appreciated! I think any time you feel that wow, this person was not only worth what we paid them, but more! Then why not tip or give a little gift. Even for the vendors who own their own business… they probably work harder for what they earn, and would be really touched that their effort was rewarded that way.
I am getting gifts for our baker, officiant and the DOC because they are really flexible, helpful and needed for my sanity. Our venue includes an 18% tip the total bill so we don’t have to worry about that and the decorator is a friend of a friend so she just appreciates the support of starting her business.
I am also struggling with this issue. I am totally in love with our photographers, but they own their own studio. What do I give them? Should I tip them anyway? What about our cake baker? She owns the bakery? Do I not tip her?
In my book, tipping is appropriate to anyone who has gone above and beyond what is expected…regardless of whether they own the business. I say your plan to tip with gifts is a very nice and welcomed gesture. Great juju.
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Mrs. Ostrich, San Francisco/Hawaii Age and Occupation: 30, Fashion Buyer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 38, Copywriter Engagement Date: October 4, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2011 Venue: Sweet ceremony by the sea and sunset celebration on the North Shore of Hawaii About Me: Born in the city of angels and residing in the city by the bay, I’m a fearless fashion buyer by day, a passionate blog author by night and a dreamy bride-to-be in between. I thank my lucky stars to live in such a stunning city that gives me gifts like organic honey lavender ice cream, movie nights in the park, tucked away beaches, legendary record stores, '80s dance parties, awesome sports teams, stellar flea markets, and vintage bookshops. Oh, and I love to dance! We always find every excuse to escape to the beach, and decided a little seaside wedding in Hawaii is our idea of bliss. Full of our favorite people, music, food and sparkly lights, this is one sunset celebration we will always remember.
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