On Large Families and Letting Go

On Large Families and Letting Go

April 9th, 2011 @ 1:45 pm by Mrs. Hyena
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I recently had a major meltdown. We were trying to figure out who we needed to invite to the rehearsal dinner. While we’d love to invite everyone coming from out of town, about three-fourths of our guests are coming from at least two hours away, and we unfortunately can’t accommodate everyone. The rehearsal dinner was not the reason for the meltdown, but rather the breaking point.

My bridesmaids are all really far away, and I feel like I’m doing the bulk of planning on my own. I think I’m doing all right so far, and everyone keeps commenting on how on top of things I am. But because I’m alone in planning today, I’m assuming—incorrectly—that I’ll be alone the day of. We’re not going to have a day-of coordinator other than the one provided at the church. For the reception, we’re on our own.

On Large Families and Letting Go : wedding college station family wedding planner Bride201 bride201

People! I’m only going to say this once! (Image via Up North Live)

I’d compiled a list of things (so far) that needed to get done the morning of the wedding, and when I looked at the list, I couldn’t help but realize that if I did all those things on my own, there was no way I was going to be happy and stress free. We’re getting married at two o’clock in the afternoon, and I don’t want to run around that morning trying to get things set up in multiple locations on top of trying to be stress free and doing the things I ACTUALLY need to do, such as getting purty and enjoying time with the friends that I rarely get to see.

Mr. Hyena took my computer away from me and took control of my “duties to assign” Excel list. He deleted my name from all the cells I had put it in. But! If not for me, then who will take care of all these little details that no one but me cares about?!

Mr. H has a large family. He has six sets of aunts and uncles who all live within five minutes of each other a short two-hour drive away from us. It’s perfectly reasonable to assume that most (if not all) of them will be at the wedding. So, like countless cousins before us, he picked a couple of them that we could get to help out setting up, so as not to overwhelm anyone and make sure that everyone still has a great time at the wedding. He assured me that they would get everything done, and that likely they would have a very long meeting with us in advance to make sure everything would be done right. And we went through and assigned the duties.

Now, I just have to step back and let go.

Are you hiring a DOC?

Tags: college-station, family, wedding-planner |

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19 Responses to “On Large Families and Letting Go”

Guest

partymountain

you be surprised how little a DOC can cost. I do it for starting about $100 for the day. Poconos area only for that.

4/9/11 @ 2:06 pm (reply)

Guest

Suzanne

I remember at my wedding a few years ago that I “let go” of some of the duties that were important to me — asking some family members to take care of them. On the day of, some of those important things did not get taken care of in the way I wanted because those people were so distracted by all of the other things going on at the wedding. The result of that was that it stressed me out even more! If I could do it over, I would have had 1 main person handling all of those things instead of a few different people.

4/9/11 @ 2:21 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Cotton Candy (message) 436 posts, Helper bee

I let go of it all and hired a coordinator to do my thinking for me! Whenever i find myself stressing about vendors or day of logistics I just shoot an email off or schedule a meeting and my anxiety is gone! our coordinator was surprisingly affordable and it was worth it to me to reduce the budget in other areas to be able to afford it.

4/9/11 @ 2:29 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Seal (message) 1,179 posts, Bumble bee

Awwe, Hyena! Don’t stress, it will all work out. Sounds like Mr. H will make sure you quit your worryin’! We get a DOC through our caterer so we’re not specifically hiring one, but I would check into them in your area. Like @partymountain mentioned you may be surprised!

4/9/11 @ 2:31 pm (reply)

Member

Kcoleybear (message) 683 posts, Busy bee

I would suggest having one main person who is not attending the wedding (a friend of a friend), who is responsible and super organized to be in charge of all these people. It will be easier and you can sit down and give very thorough instructions to this person.

4/9/11 @ 2:36 pm (reply)

Member

Lexy604 (message) 8 posts, Newbee

I have one bridesmaid and one maid of honor which both of then are in school and have finals so I’m pretty much planning everything myself as well as taking care of a one and a half year old my son. My wedding is may 28 so I’m feeling the stress as well and it’s starting to make me mad that I have no help. I do find lists to be super helpful and I also find once I have the big things done the little things don’t bother me as much oddly enough lol. I’m also doing alot of DIY stuff like pomanders etc just remember when the day is here all the little things won’t matter as it’s about you and your husband and nothin else at least this is what people keep telling me ha ha. Remember to take some time to even just have a cup of tea and relax trust me I know it’s hard like I said with a toddler and planning a wedding I manage to do it keep up the good work

4/9/11 @ 2:45 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Elephant (message) 6,182 posts, Bee Keeper

I agree with you on it being a little hard to just let go because I’m sure no one cares about all the little details like the bride does. I hope Mr. H’ aunts and uncles will help you out so you can be a little less stressful the morning of your wedding!

4/9/11 @ 2:49 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Tartlet (message) 3,207 posts, Sugar bee

I’m really glad Mr. Hyena helped relieve some of your stress. I totally get where you’re coming from, though, with being so committed to the little details! Here’s to delegating and the day being more enjoyable for you!

4/9/11 @ 2:57 pm (reply)

Guest

Kaitlin

I was just in the very same boat. After a couple (okay, several) breakdowns I called our ceremon DOC to see if she could to the reception too. I was able to get her for less than 1/2 of what other DOCs were charging. I already can feel the stress melting away and with just 3 weeks to go, I knew I needed to do this for myself even if it meant less flowers or other decorations around. No one will miss the orchids, but they would have noticed the look of fear and distress on my face all day! DO IT!!!

4/9/11 @ 3:07 pm (reply)

10.

Member

totheislnds (message) 5,411 posts, Bee Keeper

I didnt, but my mom has some really great girlfriends who are amazingly creative! Luckily our venue had a person in charge of getting everything set up and my mom’s girfriends came by to make sure everything was where it should be. I was very lucky to have them - i only had to worry about hair and makeup

Let them take care if it, im sure they will be happy to - thats what family is for right? give them a heads up of what you need and let it be. Dont stress about things you cant control and remember everything that happens that day, good or bad is all part of your story.

4/9/11 @ 3:09 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Pain au Chocolat (message) 1,698 posts, Bumble bee

Letting go is very difficult for me. I think it’ll happen because I’m forced to in order to enjoy the day. As we get closer, the stress of the things left undone is starting to get to me.

4/9/11 @ 3:21 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss Cinnamon Bun (message) 1,100 posts, Bumble bee

We’re hiring a stage manager friend to do it. She’s a friend, and we’re happy she’ll be with us on the day, but she isn’t in the wedding party, and she also isn’t really a guest. I think that distinction helps, because if you know you’re there to work, you’re not worrying about missing out on the fun. Now though I’m wondering if she’ll need some extra sets of hands - I might designate some guests to be her helpers should she need to move a table or something that takes 2 people.

4/9/11 @ 4:03 pm (reply)

13.

Member

sugarr2518 (message) 327 posts, Helper bee

Miss Heyna - Letting go is super hard for me!!! When we are getting married, we get the reception hall on the day of the wedding. So, I won’t have a whole lot of time to get things ready at the reception hall and believe me, I have so many things that I want to have at our wedding. So, I will have lots of decorating! The thing is, as I’m sure you know, that I have a “vision” how I want things to be! I can completely understand where you’re coming from! I wish I could hire a DOC , but I don’t think we will have the funds to do so! So, I hope my personal attendant and some of my cousins will be able to help out with some of the decorating. That way the stress level will not be as high! After all this day, is suppose to be relaxing, right!?!?!

4/10/11 @ 1:27 am (reply)

14.

Member

FutureLeep9 (message) 79 posts, Worker bee

I can relate to this oh so much. My family and most of my bridesmaids are all out of state (and not just the state over but more so across the country) and I’ve been doing the majority of things on my own. It’s VERY frustrating! Letting go of those little details will be difficult for me too as deep in my brain I think that it won’t be right unless I do it. I hope you find a way to overcome this frustration and I will be eager to read how everything works out (it will turn out splendid no doubt!)

4/10/11 @ 9:11 am (reply)

15.

Member

Cee-Bee (message) 62 posts, Worker bee

I am also having trouble delegating and letting go of tasks… it’s just that I want it done right… but I know that for the sake of sanity it’s the right thing to do. Not to mention that other people actually want to help and be involved and might be offended if my reason for not letting them help is that I want to do it myself!

4/10/11 @ 9:42 am (reply)

16.

Guest

geminidream

Our main problem in assigning set-up tasks to family members who have graciously offered to help is that the venue is about a 30-minute drive (at best, an hour for some) from home so if they wanted to help in the morning it’d be an awful lot of travel time. And it wouldn’t work out for them to come to the venue early and then wait as it is out in the country and there isn’t anyplace close to hang out for an extended time. It’s going to take the organizational skills of a general to pull it off without freaking out my dd, the bride!

4/10/11 @ 1:05 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

Baby Invitation

Letting go can be soooo relieving

4/10/11 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

18.

Member

birdcage4me (message) 15 posts, Newbee

I definately understand where you’re coming from. We’re also making ALL of our guest travel, and i’m planning the whole thing from a distance. It can be so stressful. Remember to take time for yourself to do what you love. Light some candles… take a bath… and BREATHE! you deserve it!

4/10/11 @ 4:10 pm (reply)

19.

Bee

Miss Gazelle (message) 994 posts, Busy bee

We are hiring a DOC. At first we were going to ask a friend of mine and Mr. G’s cousin but then we figured we would be asking too much of them. I really want to make sure our flowers are set up, that all of the menus are out, seating charts, etc. Then I want to make sure I get everything back like our cake plate, cake topper and vases. I thought this might be a bit much to ask the gals and to ask that they enjoy the wedding so we decided to hire a DOC instead. We are going with a great girl who has worked in planning but is just getting certified. I got a great vibe from her and I think she’s really going to help to make the day go smoothly!

4/11/11 @ 5:56 pm (reply)