Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

What’s your money management strategy as a couple? Do you have a budget philosophy and is (or was) it different than your SO’s budget philosophy? How did you get on the same page?

(Thanks to kayakgirl73 for the question!)

It’s a joint effort now.

When we started dating, I was a chronic saver (some might say a cheapskate), and Mr. Dahlia was a chronic spender—not going into debt, but not saving anything either.

When we first combined our finances, I was the one who managed it to make sure our spending remained within our budget and that we saved some money, since I wanted to make sure that we were saving appropriately. I would make sure that the bills got paid, and make sure there weren’t any problems. If there were problems or mistakes, Mr. Dahlia would do the arguing with the cable company/phone company/bank. The problem with this is that I would be stressed out about money, and Mr. D wouldn’t be able to provide helpful advice about what we should be doing, since he was pretty distant from the state of our finances.

Now, we’re equal partners in the money management. As I’ve mentioned before, every Saturday morning we have a family meeting to go over our finances, so that both of us can see how we are coming along with our savings goals, the status of our retirement accounts, etc. This year, both of us have been reading several books about personal finance and investing, because we want to learn more about where and how we should be managing out savings.

We set financial goals on an annual basis (we have 1 year, 3 year, 5 year and 10 year goals), and review them between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and start discussing what our goals for the upcoming year should be. Around New Years Day, we map out our goals and major expenses for the new year and come up with a month by month action plan so that we have a map to get us from where we are to where we want to be.

This includes estimating what our bonuses will be and mapping out what they will be used for and where the money will go, so once that income arrives in our checking account, the plan we outlined months before tells us what we are supposed to do with it. (This keeps us from blowing our bonuses and tax refund on fun but frivolous purchases, and ensures that we actually can afford to go to the various weddings we want to attend this summer.)

Since Mr Trail Mix has an MBA and works in finance and my math skills are on par with a 4th-grader (at best), I have happily turned over the bulk of our financial decisions to him.

Since we’ve gotten married, he’s convinced me (kicking and screaming all the way) to open a 401k and a Roth IRA, in addition to investing some of our wedding money and his own savings in various other investment accounts.

We each have our own separate checking and saving accounts, as well as a joint checking and saving account. The joint one is only used for household purchase, like vet bills and laundry (We send our laundry out. Don’t judge.) and we have our own accounts for our own purchases.

Although I’ve been managing my money (and doing a good job of it, dammit!) since college, it’s so nice to not have to worry about it anymore because I completely trust Mr TM’s decisions and strategies.

Our couple’s strategy: we both earn, I manage. He’s allowed to manage his business, but once his profit goes into the joint checking account, it’s all mine… MWAHAHAHA! (Sorry, you just imagined that evil laugh.)

I’m only half kidding. Actually, I’m not kidding at all. I’ve been managing my own money for a long time, and I’m pretty good at budgeting and setting (and meeting) savings goals. When I met Mr. Spaniel, though, he was still a student (and had never not been), living at his parents’ house. He is a great, wonderful man with many strengths, but knowing how to save money or keep track of when the bills are due were not among them, so I now do it for us both. (I also manage our retirement accounts, so we don’t follow the typical gender split where wives manage household finances and husbands manage investments. I am the money partner here, because being generous and relaxed is not one of MY strengths.)

There were some growing pains, for sure. I know it wasn’t easy adjusting to someone telling him how much he could spend on what, but he accepts it now. I have also had to come to accept that our spending priorities are a little different and I can’t completely impose my values onto him… I just have to make sure we have the money available in the right account for each of our values!

We’re still figuring this out, actually. As of right now, neither of us make much so there really isn’t anything TO manage. But for the most part we are very open when it comes to talking about money and we are constantly making joint decisions as to what to do with it.

We have a “what’s mine is yours” policy when it comes to money, so we only have one joint bank account and one savings account (at least for now - this may change in the future). For now, we basically just talk about any expense that happens to come up and make a decision together about what to do with it.

I will say, though, that Mr. Cardigan is more in charge of our investments/credit cards. He’s the one who keeps track of our Best Buy account (hello, expensive TV and laptop!) and who is constantly checking to see where our stocks are at. I typically am more aware of the day-to-day stuff, like if we have enough money to go out to eat or if we have to eat ramen instead.

The Dude loooooves Microsoft Excel, so I have given him the responsibility of creating and managing our budget. He’s done a great job over the past year and a half. We talk through almost every aspect of our budget, but the Dude is the one who implements it.

Our main budget philosophy right now is to pay down as much of our high-interest debt as possible. We keep track of our cash flow and account balances on Mint.com, where we can see our “net worth” at any point in time. It’s very motivating to see that negative number get smaller! Once we pay off the high interest accounts (a loan I took out to study for the bar exam and a couple of credit cards), we plan on readjusting our philosophy to a more savings-oriented approach. We’d like to start a little nest egg for in case of emergencies, as well as for a college fund for our (future, potential) kids and retirement. We talk about our finances ALL THE TIME so, if we didn’t have similar philosophies before, we do now!

Let me first say that I am in awe of all of these bees that have budgets and spreadsheets! With that being said, I now have to say that Mr. Pin Cushion and I have nothing of the sort. Perhaps we’ve never created a budget because we don’t buy much beyond the necessities—our credit cards are mostly filled with gas and food—and we can’t buy less of either of those! We always make big purchases like a TV or our couches together, so there’s no big surprise purchases.

We have been together for so long (11 years now), we have come to know each other’s spending habits. He knows that I am frugal (I’ll buy a type of apple I like less because it’s 9 cents cheaper per lb than the kind I do like [Fuji!]) and he has to remind me that we have enough money to afford that 9 cents!

Also, if we created a budget, it means I’d have to be organized about something (aggg!!) and I’d also have to learn how much I actually spend on things (double agg!). Do I really want to know that I spend $200 on gas to commute each month, or $75 on butter to make cookies that I will end up eating all by myself?

I hate having to think about money, so Mr. Powder Puff handles all of our finances, bless his heart.

I guess our overall philosophy would be save, save and save some more. We’ve paid off all of our debts (with the exception of our student loans), and are currently saving as much as possible so we can have a nice-sized down payment for a house we plan on purchasing this fall. Exciting times!!!

I mainly manage our money. I love planning, budgeting and spreadsheets, which Mr. Starfish could care less about. I don’t feel comfortable making all the decisions though, so I try to involve him as much as possible.

I think this works because we have the same goals. We know what we want and what we need to get there, so I set up our finances to achieve these goals (retirement, paying off student loans, saving for emergencies, etc). I don’t give myself preferential treatment because I manage our money. If I want something that’s out of the current budget, I save. If he wants something, he saves.

I think we both were pretty financially responsible before we merged finances, but we both learned from each other. I was good in the way that I was a big time saver. I set goals, then saved for them. I think I’ve helped Mr. Starfish to become a better saver. Mr. Starfish has always had the philosophy: if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. So I’ve been better with credit cards and only purchasing items I can currently pay for in my monthly budget. Before, I would dip into savings for a cute shirt, even if it was above my monthly income. He’s taught me to be better about using the money I actually save for the correct goals.

Oh, lord. Does “I don’t wanna talk about it” work?

It’s actually not THAT bad. After the wedding we set up a joint account for everything—checking, savings, “fun savings”— every penny goes in there. Our only issue is when it comes down to spending on something we don’t agree on. If I want something that he questions I proceed to flip out and demand independence. The whole joint decision making thing gets sticky—when we don’t agree, who wins?

Arguments aside, we do have the same vision for our financial goals and very much want the same things in life.

I manage all the money, I budget, I tell how the hubby how much he has to “spend on him” for a week but that’s because he’s so bad with money he prefers I take care of it. He once said that if he were in charge of the money he’d forget to pay the mortgage and heating bill…which obviously is not a good thing.

He does get frustrated sometimes when he has no more money in his account, but that’s what happens when you have a car, a house, two cats, a baby and a wife. it’s not like I’m going on a shopping spree with his money, I just pay all the bills. (And he understands that.)

From day one we opened a joint account…we figured my money was his money and vice versa so a joint account seemed logical. In the last 7 years we haven’t changed the way we do things and it’s been going well so far.

We used to have very different philosophies but now it’s a joint effort. Our budget philosophy was very different in the past. I make the budget ahead of time for anything I want like a camera, or a vacation. Mr. SP spends if it’s available.

This is something we have to work on each year. I set up an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of our bills and I play around with it to set goals and how we can achieve those goals, by cutting back here and there OR by paying a credit card off first. Each year, we revisit it and see what we can do better and make next year’s goals. These goals include wedding gifts, trips, a new car, guitar lessons, even classes for our dogs!

Now, we save 30% of our joint net income. This is a rainy day fund. We don’t usually touch it. We plan on using the savings for our future home someday and to possibly start a business. Because Mr. SP prefers the “I’m gonna spend it if I see it in the account.” So, we worked out a buffer that allows him to do this. Obviously things change during the year. Recently, Mr. SP had to repair his engine and that was a chunk of change. We just discuss it and talk about when would be a good time to get it done and if the buffer can cover it over time or do we need to dive a little into the savings.

But as far as the big picture stuff, we always check with each other and ask, “Is this what you want in life?”"Is there something missing?” “Would you be happier if you could have this material thing?” “Big house. Small house?” For me, I’d like to pay off my student loans so that’s what makes me happy. Mr. SP wants security. Mr. SP and I agree on the big picture stuff so through the YEARS we’ve been able to agree and disagree and still make it work.

I am really paranoid about running out of money. So, I like to have a good amount of checking-account padding, shored-up savings, zero-to-low balances on my credit cards, and a 401k. I was a pretty serious tightwad—I had to be—when I had lower-paying jobs in my early 20s, but I learned a lot from those years and still try to spend money wisely.

Mr. T was lived off plastic in his early-20s and didn’t have much savings. But getting older, having higher-paying jobs, and saving for a wedding brought him over to the anal side. Muwahahaha.

Our budgeting pattern is to have a budget (spreadsheet and everything), shore up savings, and make sure the checking and savings never get below a certain level. He set goals for paying off his remaining credit-card debt, and I’m really proud that, for the first time in his adult life, he’s almost free of it.

We don’t own a home, we drive less than average, and we are pretty healthy people, so, thankfully, oh-shit spending hasn’t come up too often. But knowing we can handle large uh-oh moments when they happen is key for my sanity.

Having a method and then setting priorities is probably the first step to any money management. We empty our wallets for food, drink, and travel, but neither of us shops that often for clothes or gadgets. We’re happy with this method because we know that, when you don’t have unlimited funds but want to stand on your own two (four) feet, something’s gotta give.

~~~

What about you? What’s your money management strategy as a couple?