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I honestly have no opinion on the whole name-change debate. I like my current name. I like Mr. Hyena’s last name. Both are difficult to pronounce, and they’re both about the same length. I think my main attachment to my current name is that I’m used to it. And, you know, change is always bad. ^_~
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So I had a conversation with Mom Hyena. I was contemplating changing my name versus hyphenating (for a ridiculously long, ridiculously difficult-to-pronounce name), and she had an interesting perspective. I asked her if she had ever thought about not changing her name when she married H-Dad, and she said no, things like that “just weren’t done” back then. Of course you take your husband’s name; why wouldn’t you?
But the kicker, and honestly the most realistic answer I’ve heard thus far, is that sometimes it is better to change your name simply because it would cause problems if you didn’t.
Let me explain that a little better…I like to think I’m nontraditional, but I am marrying a man who is very traditional. And even though he often tells me to do what makes me happy, keeping my current name is likely to cause more harm than good. No attachment to my current name is enough to make me want to do that.
Are you changing your name? Why or why not?
amen. FI and i just had this conversation this weekend. i felt strongly about keeping mine and adding his, but he wanted us to have the exact same name. eventually i realized he cared more than i did so while i’m still a little sad about finally letting go, it will be nice to share his name.
I’m changing mine. I’m an attorney, so I’ll be changing my name legally to firstname middlename lastname, but professionally I’ll be firstname maidenname lastname.
I guess my question is, what is wrong with being traditional sometimes? Some traditions stick around because they are good. And a couple who is married should have the same last name to show solidarity and unity.
Wow I am exactly in your same situation. Where I come from is not traditional to change last names upon marriage. Actually everyone keeps their two last names (one comes from Mom and one from Dad) for their whole lives.
When I brought up the NOT changing my name issue to my fiancée, I noticed that it was something VERY important to him. He is very traditional and it is offensive to him ifcant leave my name behind to start a new life as married couple together….
anyways…I am considering hyphen it, but as you it would be a very long and difficult to pronounce last name…I am still thinking about it, but will probably change it in the end…
Definitely changing my name. We’re both very traditional and I think not changing your name is not honoring your husband. You’re in your father’s household until you marry. Once you marry, you are in your husband’s household. (I know we move out on our own in between! 
Why would you honor your father’s name over your husband’s name after you marry? Hyphenated names are a pain (and I’m telling you this as an elementary school teacher!) and once you have children everyone in the family should have the same name. Mom shouldn’t have something different.
I just wanted to say thank you for not titling this post “What’s In A Name?”
I feel the same… I don’t care if I do or if I don’t… he would like me to. I don’t see it as him wanting to “own” me… it’s just want he wants.
@Ms +Lone+Star: And a couple who is married should have the same last name to show solidarity and unity.
To me, that makes about as much sense as saying that all married couples should get matching tattoos to show solidarity and unity.
There are no “shoulds” here. Except that people “should” do what’s right for them.
@2ndtime:
Once you marry, you are in your husband’s household.
Um, actually WE are in OUR household. It’s fine if you want to think of it that way for yourself, but it’s presumptuous to think that your way is the only right way.
I have to say I’m a little shocked at the judgmental-ness on display here.
Being raised in the Philippines, we have a different system, when one gets married, it automatically adapts that the last name will be our middle name and our last name will be the husband’s last name. That’s what we’re going to do, still keeping my last name as my middle name
@mightywombat: Thanks for saying this. This thread was making me feel very emotional. I love my fiance so much, and I know he’d like me to change my name, but it just isn’t the right choice for me right now.
@mightywombat: Thanks for saying this. This thread was making me feel very emotional. I love my fiance so much, and I know he’d like me to change my name, but it just isn’t the right choice for me right now.
I didn’t realize I was coming off as judgmental. I thought I was simply giving my opinion. Sorry to offend you.
It’s funny because my fiance doesn’t want me to change my name. I could go either way, so I’m fine with keeping my name. I could always change it later if I decided to.
But that’s just my case.
@2ndtime: I don’t this it sounds judgmental as much as it does sexist. I can’t imagine marrying a man who cared so much about me “honoring him,” unless he was willing to change his last name! It’s gotta go both ways.
My mom didn’t change her last name, and it doesn’t affect the unity of her partnership with my father. We had a great discussion about this on the names board a while back:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/your-kids-will-be-fine-if-you-keep-your-name-trust-me-i-was
The fact is, your name is not your relationship. Changing your name doesn’t make you more married than you would be if you hyphenated or kept your maiden name (or if you both changed to your name, or both hyphenated, or both adopted a totally new name). It’s a very personal decision, and there’s no right answer for everyone. @mightywombat said it best — there are no “shoulds” here.
Miss Hyena, I’m in exactly the same boat! I can’t make a decision on what my last name will be, and my wedding is less than 3 months away!
I do think it would be convenient to have the same last name, however I also know several people who have kept their own names and it hasn’t caused much confusion. My step-mom kept her maiden name, and my mom remarried when I was young and it never caused any issues, other than confusing my friends as to what to call her (but she was a first name basis kind of mom anyways)!
Growing up I never once considered that I would ever change my name so now that I’m engaged the idea is making me uncomfortable. My fiancé and I already own a home together, and somehow I just never thought of my name with his last name. I suppose I’m happy with my last name as it is. I’m 31, and it has served me well thus far! Also, I don’t view it as being my father’s name, I view it as being my name.
Neither my fiancé or I are very traditional, however this is the one thing traditional thing that is important to him, though in the end he sees it as my decision. I may change it because it is important to him, however I simply can’t make up my mind!
Oh! And on top of my not wanting to change my last name in general, his is long, difficult to pronounce and even more difficult to spell! Oh, our poor children to be!
I am in the same boat as you, I just don’t know what to do!
I wish I had more insight on this one it is such a tough topic!
I did read a fabulous post about it a while back. Google “heygorgeous” and you will find the blog where it came from!
xoxo,
Shana
I am definitely changing my name, even though it is all girls in my family and therefore will be the end of our last name. Mainly it is hard to spell and pronounce but also I want to have the same last name as my future husband…doesn’t hurt that he has a nice Italian name though 
I’m not going to change my name. I like it - it is unique and simple. Mr. G’s is simple and not unique. But that really has nothing to do with it. I figure that if I feel strongly after we get married that I want to take his name, then I will. If not, then I’ll be content to socially use his last name but keep my maiden name for professional reasons. When I told this to my mom she told me that she might have kept her name if it was more common back when she got married. My grandmother was super excited that I’m going to keep my last name. Interesting, eh?
shanawhimsy, love the article you suggested, here is the direct link to it for all those who are interested (though, I still have no clue what I will do!)
http://www.heygorg.com/2011/02/pep-talk-tuesday-changing-your-name.html
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Mrs. Hyena, College Station, TX Age and Occupation: 23, Marketing Specialist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Aerospace Engineering Grad Student Engagement Date: January 8, 2010 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Downtown 202 About Me: I'm a Texas girl who met my future hubby in high school, then headed up to Oklahoma for a college education (BOOMER SOONER!) before moving back to the Lone Star State to be with him. I love reading and recycling, Photoshop and reality TV, making lame jokes and then laughing at them, quoting movies, and Mr. Hyena most of all. I'm perpetually early and I like to get things accomplished. When my cat meows at me, I meow back. We're planning a laid-back, unintentionally DIY wedding with a cocktail-party vibe, and can't wait to celebrate our nuptials with our nearest and dearest!
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