Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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Decision making and compromise: from minor things like how to resolve food habit differences, to big things like buying a car/home together, how does it work in your household?

I bulldoze the crap outta him. Just kidding. I tend to be the one who over researches and analyzes decisions, while his attitude is more “Okay, sounds good.”  When he does express an opinion, I take it more seriously because I know he usually goes along with whatever I’ve decided.

Pug described our decision making to a T: I make the decisions 95 percent of the time, and Mr. Peng is fine with them. If he ever voices an opinion about something, we go with that—since he rarely cares about decisions enough to voice an opinion, I typically respect that he does have one and oblige.

When it comes to insignificant things we usually have a huge struggle with indecision. Every Friday goes like this:

He: What do you want to eat?
Me: Sushi
He: You always want sushi.
Me: Yes.
He: Anything else?
Me: No.
He: I don’t want that.
Me: OK, then you decide.
He: I don’t really care.

…

And then we stare at each other for at least 20 minutes until I eventually am on the brink of starving and we find the closest thing around that doesn’t have a wait. Mr. Peng and I are different in that I enjoy repetition and being boring and he likes changing it up a lot, yet he doesn’t have an opinion on what exactly we should do to mix it up. I use food as an example but it extends to most parts of our relationship! So, I’d say that decision making on the little things is hard in our house! He wants new things but doesn’t know what, and I want repetition but am happy to do other things, so long as I don’t have to make an effort to decide what those new things are.

As for the big things (car? house?), our tastes are pretty aligned but it’s obvious that I can kind of push Mr. Peng into a decision, while it’s harder for him to push me into one. We recently retired our old car and got a new one, and we were choosing from two cars—the one I wanted won out. I think Mr Peng looks at decisions with a “if she’s happy, I’m happy” attitude, which I am very grateful for. And again, if he ever really voices an opinion of dissent, I really take it to heart because he rarely does.

It depends. If we’re in reasonable moods, we talk a lot and come to happy compromises. If we’re cranky, it gets ugly! Mr. Spaniel and I are both oldest children, and although I think we are both pretty reasonable people most of the time, sometimes we get pretty entrenched and MUST HAVE OUR WAY because we MUST BE RIGHT.

I should add, everything I just wrote? I’m totally thinking about picking what/where to eat. That counts for big decisions in our household.

It’s pretty amazing…Mr. Socks and I agree on almost everything, from our tastes in food and music to the kind of home we’d like to run. Usually if there is any discrepancy between us, it’s about how much money I think we should spend on something versus how much he wants to spend on something. Usually, we come to an agreement by talking about what’s best for us in the long run.

We both definitely over-analyze every large purchase, like when we bought our house and my car—we saw EVERY option out there before we came to the same conclusion, and it was always the right decision for us—no buyers remorse. So far, this part of our relationship has been a breeze, and hopefully it will continue this way!

We haven’t come across many big decisions yet in our marriage, but we’re both big talkers when it comes to decisions. We both like to research the crap out of whatever it is we’re deciding on, then talk it to death, then talk about it some more, then take a break, and then talk about it even MORE.

We’re usually able to come to a joint decision based on all of that talking, but the real difference comes in AFTER the decision has been made. I’m the type of person that once I have decided, it is done (especially when it comes to purchases). I don’t like to think too much about the decision because then I might have doubts and that’s just no fun, right? So, I try to make a decision and stick to it. Mr. Cardigan on the other hand has the biggest problem with buyer’s remorse EVER. If we purchase anything he immediately regrets it and begins to find all sorts of flaws with it—and a similar thing happens with non-purchase related decisions. He’s definitely a brooder when it comes to reflecting on decisions, whereas I say what’s done is done and I can’t change it now!

It definitely creates an interesting dynamic in our relationship that we both feel so differently after we’ve made decisions, but I’m usually able to talk Mr. Cardy into remembering why the decision was made in the first place, and then we both feel better.

I am not ashamed to say that in many cases, Mr. MJ is more practical than I am. (He’s more able to say ’no’ to something—even if it’s a really attractive purchase we both want—because he doesn’t want to deal with the results of that purchase.) An example would be houses—there were a few houses I would have bought when we were looking, but he talked me out of because of the amount of repair work involved (he did not have the time/energy/desire to be a 24/7 handyman).

Since the question asks, I must touch on food habits. Mr. MJ is literally one of the pickiest people I’ve ever met, and that includes little kids. Examples of foods he doesn’t like: pastas, potatoes, rice dishes, anything mixed with anything else (like stews, casseroles, etc)… However, I’m the main chef in the house and my food horizons are much more varied than his. It’s hard for me to decide on meals for us to eat on a daily basis, especially when much of the time it’d be easier to pick up takeout I know he’ll like. But, thankfully we both understand that eating out all the time is not the way to live. He’s willing to try the dishes I cook (and rate them on eatability ), whereas I am willing to hunt out recipes and modify them to exclude ingredients I know he doesn’t like. Everybody deserves to eat food they like at the end of a long day, right? As far as restaurants, there aren’t many places that one of us flat out does not like. But when picking one we take into consideration things like what we’re celebrating: on my birthday for example, we might go to a restaurant I love but Mr. MJ is just ’meh’ about.

I think that our decision-making really hinges on the respect we have for each other. If one of us disagrees, we generally accept that it’s for a good reason and are willing to listen to said reasons. That said, we don’t often disagree about big things. We are also both really intense researchers. So with buying a car, home, electronic device or other ’big ticket’ type item, we’ll both research the item to death. When we buy cars, we make charts. Like, on poster board. Nerdy much?

Mr. Powder Puff and I are exactly like Penguin and Pug! Except in our relationship, Mr. Powder Puff is the one to analyze, research, etc (about the big decisions). He then presents his findings to me, and I’ll make the final choice. For example, when we bought a new car, he searched, found the best options, and let me decide which one we were going to get. Which I then did based on the color and how cute it looked. It’s THE BEST. I love to get my own way, but I’m too impulsive to make rational decisions. Mr. Powder Puff loves to research, but is laid back enough to not care which we pick if all the options seem the same. Haaaarmony!

That being said, if he ever has a really strong opinion about something, I completely respect that and go along with what he wants. Because I know for him to really care, then it must be really REALLY important to him. And husbands need to be thrown a bone every now and again, am I right ladies?

Hmm, this is a tough question because we don’t really have a standard way of resolving things. For some issues, like food preferences, I know there is just no hope of getting the Dude to like certain foods that I like, such as cheese and coffee. So I just eat what I like and he eats what he likes. No drama. Because he does more of the cooking, we usually end up eating things his way, but I’m OK with that. I sneak my cheese in somehow.

For bigger issues, the main thing is that we don’t make decisions without consulting the other person. Obviously I would never get a dog without getting the Dude’s approval (he’ll never give me his approval on that!), and he would never make any major purchases without running them by me. We’ve operated as a team from the get-go, so joint decision making has never been an issue for us. We both have a tendency to over analyze every single decision we make, which in the long run I think is a good thing. We can easily debate the pros and cons of how to best balance our finances for hours. (We’re super nerds.) We also both have a tendency to be swayed by emotions, which is how we ended up buying a house in 2008 that, in all honesty, is more expensive than we can comfortably afford.

We both have our flaws, but ultimately we respect each other’s opinions and are pretty good at listening and compromising.

We are similar to the Penguins. Little decisions, we can be indecisive, but know exactly what we don’t want. Like I’ll say I don’t care, until Mr. Starfish says something I don’t like, then I for sure have an opinion on it, but still don’t know what I want.

For the big things, I tend to have definite ideas on the big things in life and luckily Mr. Starfish generally agrees, if he doesn’t I really listen to what he has to says and usually go with it, since he pretty much will go with the flow unless he has a big opinion about it. If we are completely torn, we try to work out a compromise.

So, we’re just like Pug and Penguin too! I usually make all the decisions, do the research, etc. and Mr. Fro Yo goes along with it. But, every once in a while he’ll have an opinion about something and I’ll listen to it. For example, we put in hardwood floors in our house, and I just figured I’d walk in, choose some hardwoods and we’d be done. But, Mr. Fro Yo actually didn’t like the one I picked out, so we had to spend a considerable amount of time there selecting a new one together. But it worked out. Also like the Penguins, we differ in terms of routine, etc. Like Mrs. Penguin, Mr. Fro Yo is happy with his routine, and I want something different so we usually have to work that out. We typically keep things consistent during the week and then change it up on the weekends so that we’re both happy.

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How does decision making go in your household?