Weddingbee Blog

We got a flash drive in the mail yesterday. It was a flash drive filled with over 1,000 image files. And they were awesome. We’re still waiting on photos from our second shooter, and I still need to sort through all of them, but I figured we could get started on the non-wedding recaps in the meantime!

The Lioness wedding weekend kicked off with something a little out of character for me: I did something religious. I choose to immerse myself in a mikvah.

{image by Janice Rubin / via The Tablet}

A mikvah (also spelled mikveh) is a ritual bath used by Jewish women, and sometimes by Jewish men. Orthodox Jewish women are required to immerse themselves in a mikvah after menstruation and childbirth, and before their own wedding. For the rest of us, it’s optional.

The water used in a mikvah has to be “living water,” that is, it has to be naturally occurring. The water has to be drawn, so that it isn’t subjected to ritual impurity. A mikvah must be deep enough to allow for complete immersion. Yep, there’s a lot of rabbinic debate about height and volume when it comes to this! I used the facilities at B’nai Torah in Sandy Springs, a suburb of Atlanta. They have a hashakah mikvah, which means that it uses an inner chamber and an outer chamber. The water from the outside chamber is pure and untouched, while the water in the inner chamber is regular old county-supplied water. The two waters “kiss,” thus purifying the inner water so that it’s suitable for immersion. Oh, and it’s heated…phew! It basically looks like this:

{via Chabad Potomac}

And here’s a fancy one:

{via Chabad Flamingo}

And here’s a really old one:

{via Bible Places}

The individual using the mikvah must fully immerse themselves in the water. This means that nothing is allowed to come between them and the water, so clothing, jewelry, nail polish, even band-Band-AidsBand-Aids have to be removed. Rabbinic tradition considers hair to be part of the body, so hair has to be down and combed in order to ensure contact with water throughout. However, most rabbis say that dreadlocks are okay. True story.

So why do all of this? It seems like such an ancient tradition, and any ritual mentioning menstruation can sound a little…umm…intimidating. Well, I found this explanation from the National Center for Learning and Leadership via Mayyim Hayyim Living Waters Community Mikveh and thought it summed everything up perfectly:

Immersion in water softens our form, making us malleable, dissolving some of the rigidity of who we are. This allows us to decide who we wish to be when we come out of the water. The water changes us neither by washing away something nor by letting something soak into us, but simply by softening us so that we can choose to remold ourselves into a different image.

Pretty cool, right? I was pretty psyched. I brought Sister Lioness with me to serve as my attendant/spiritual adviser. We arrived at the synagogue and I got set up in the locker room. I showered, put on a bath robe, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and made sure all of my make up and nail polish was removed. Sister Lioness handed me my little prayer cheat sheet, as I left her in the locker room and stepped into the private chamber.

Some synagogues will ask you to bring a rabbi along with you, and he or she will help you with your prayers and everything to make sure the ritual is legit. This synagogue was less conservative and pretty laid back…they even told me that they use their mikvah for non-Jewish rituals! Yay for open-mindedness! I took advantage of this flexibility and googled around to find prayers that really spoke to me.

This is the part where I really step out of my comfort zone: talking about my experience with religion. It’s always been a very private thing to me. I don’t really follow Judaism strictly, though I do consider myself to be Jewish. But, I was really excited about the resources I found to use as my prayers, and I wanted to share them with you. Besides, some brides might be looking for something similar!

At the mikvah’s edge, I read the following from Anita Diamant’s The New Jewish Wedding:

Our mothers Rebecca and Rachel were betrothed and began new lives at the gently flowing water of the well. Our mother Yocheved gave renewed life to her child Moses in the ever-flowing waters of the Nile. Our sister Miriam danced for the saving of lives beside the overflowing water of the Sea of Reeds. Water is God’s gift to living souls, to cleanse us, to purify us, to sustain and to renew us. I am now prepared to leave behind that which I no longer choose, to become one with another life, to become a creator of new possibilities, to become a partner in sharing the joys of life, to teach and to learn the lessons of married life.

I stripped, and stepped into the mikvah. I don’t know if it was the two types of water, or just my imagination, but it was the warmest, softest water I’d ever been in. It was softer than a bath or hot tub, almost like an ocean without salt. I immersed, and when I came up I recited the following:

Praised are you, God of all creation, who sanctifies us with Your commandments and commands us concerning immersion.

I immersed a second time and read the following:

I will betroth you to me forever.

I will betroth you to me with righteousness and with justice,

with loving kindness and with compassion.

I will betroth you to me in truth; and we will come to know God.

(from Hosea 2:21-22)

Before the final immersion, I read:

My God, Creator and Sustainer of all life, may I step forth into a life filled with continued wisdom and deeds of kindness. May I step forward into a life filled with the blessings of new beginnings. May I be a loving mate, partner, and friend to my beloved. Be with me as I enter this new time in my life. May you, God, who has blessed my coming forth into this day, bless my going out into this life, fulfillment, and peace. (from Charlotte Goldberg Mikveh, Park Synagogue, Cleveland, OH)

I immersed one last time and recited one last prayer:

Blessed are you, Majestic Spirit of the Universe, who gives me life, sustains the rhythms of my body and brings me to this moment of renewal.

I’m not a very religious person, but I have to say this was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever done. I got out of the water feeling a way I’ve never felt before, and there are simply no words to describe it. I was overcome with joy. I felt happy to be marrying Mr. Lion, thankful for everything I had gone through in my life that had led me to him, at peace with all of the plans and details, and eager for the future. I really tried to be present for every word I spoke, and to really consider the depth and significance behind each statement. I truly felt prepared to enter my marriage. The rest of the weekend took on a different tone, and I think it’s because I had those words in the back of my mind.

What about you? Are you participating in some kind of religious ritual prior to your wedding?