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After looking at an infinite number of wedding ideas and photos online, I realized that I’m a sucker for incorporating a monogram into a wedding. I love it when it’s done on a small scale, like on DIY water-bottle labels, and I love it when the monogram is on a larger display, such as a cake topper. I think it’s an awesome and relatively easy way to personalize your wedding look and any little wedding details. All you need is the the couple’s first initials and their new shared last initial. Easy peasy, right?
…Not quite. You see, Mr. Snow Cone has a formal name that starts with one letter and an everyday name that starts with another. For simplicity’s sake, let’s just say that his full name is Snow Cone, and he has gone by Cone every day of his life, with the exception of super-formal occasions such as graduations and the like. So, the big question: Do we use “S” or “C” as his monogram initial?? On the one hand, S is his correct, formal initial…representative of his birth-certificate name. On the other hand, C stands for the name that 99.9999% of guests at the wedding will know him as. What’s a detail-oriented bride to do??
Image via Wedding Path
Disclaimer: I trust that if we go with S, our guests are smart enough to connect the dots and understand where the S is coming from. I don’t expect people to look at a monogrammed cake topper (if we get one) and stare off into the distance for minutes on end attempting to figure out where this blasted S came from. I think what I am worried about is looking back on pictures from the day and getting tripped up on the tiny little monogram detail, thinking, “Darn it, we should have gone with [insert letter here]. That would have been better.”
Like any doting bride who’s trying to incorporate her groom into the planning process, I asked Mr. Snow Cone what he thinks. This was his response:
“Well, let’s go with S, since that’s my name.”
(10-second pause)
“No, wait, C is more me, so I want to do that.”
(10-second pause)
“No, no…S is formal and this is a big, fancy wedding, so S. Definitely S.”
(10-second pause)
“Geez, I don’t know! You figure it out.”
So, here we are!
Right now, I’m leaning toward just biting the bullet and doing a bit of S and a bit of C. We’re using his formal name on our invitations, so we’ll get some S action in that way, but I think for the little details here and there, using C makes sense for us as a couple. I have never once in my life called him “Snow Cone” without it being a joke on my part. As one of my BMs said, “You guys are Miss SC and C. Period.” Even though all of this discussion only impacts the tiniest of details, I still want to settle it soon, once and for all. Why? So I can make some purchases and decisions now to avoid wedding stress later. Let me show you all of the monogram ideas I’ve been lusting after for a few months now:
Image via Birthday Cake Party
Image via Elite Bridal Concierge / Letters by Etsy seller SpottedLeopard
Image via Etsy seller DawnsCraftStore
(I realize this photo involves names versus a monogram, but the same quandary applies.)
What do you think? S or C? If I opt to do some S and some C, am I committing a big monogram no-no?
The idea of using two different monograms could work… Will you have a monogram on the invitation? I think that’s the only place you might be able to get away with a different one… although obviously there are tons of details about your wedding I am not privvy to :-). I vote a cautious vote for being able to use both!
Haha, me and the guy get into friendly arguments about this all the time. He goes by one name (S) by all of my family, all his friends, anyone new he ever meets. He’s pretty much trying to erase evidence of his actual name. However, his family still refers to him by his real name (J). I kind of go back and forth between the two depending on who we’re around at the moment (though I must say, he hates it when I call him J).
He told me repeatedly that he wants “S” to be used for everything regarding the wedding- including the ceremony. I told him my opinion, which is “No.” So as a compromise, we’re using “J” on the more “formal” items- programs, ceremony, etc. whereas we’ll use “s” on the less formal items- table numbers, favors, etc.
HOWEVER
When I brought up the monogram question, here is his response-
“I hate monograms. They’re stupid.”
0_0 WHAT!?!?!?
How can a man I love break my heart so much?
The verdict is still out on us on the monogram debate.
For your situation, I say go with what your gut says. Perhaps his official initial on the formal items (cake topper, invitations, programs) and the name he goes by on other items (signs, favors, labels).
How about using just your two first names and a bold ampersand (&) as the ‘big’ part? It wouldn’t be about the last name, but more of the two of you? Ampersands are so fun and come in so many fonts that you could find something fantastic and use it all over.
DH is similar. He technically has a first name and two middle names, but his first name and first middle name are the same as his father’s, so he goes by his second middle name because it’s unique to him. Confusing enough? Our marriage commissioner thought so!
We didn’t do monograms, so we didn’t have quite the same issue as you, but it was still quite the pickle figuring out which of his names to use on what. We ended up using his full legal name on the invitations and during the legal bits in the ceremony, and his preferred name for everything else.
My sister had the same issue! She decided to go with what he is known as. It cuts back on confusion as his given name and the name he goes by aren’t really connected.
Regardless of what you choose, stick with it and be consistent!
Whichever you choose, I definitely vote for consistency- all S or all C.
I like what Purple Nurse said- just use the initials for your first names and the &. Much simpler. Using 2 different monograms could be kind of confusing.
Mr. Pony and I have the same problem! This is why we chose not to do the whole monogram thing, I’m too lazy to figure the whole thing out. That and the initials we go by are B & J . . . not exactly wedding appropriate.
I think you could do different monograms, just make sure they aren’t next to each other. Everyone will understand.
I had this problem for about 5 seconds. You see, I never go by my first name “J.” When I was born my family called me by my middle name “S,” but that was quickly shortened to “L.” It sounds totally confusing, but it is simillar to someone being named Delaney and being called Laney. I’ve always been “L.” No one has ever called me “L” other than the first day of school, graduation ect. I don’t mind “J.” It’s a really pretty name, its just not me. It’s not a question for me because “L” is who I am.
Hmm, my gut instinct would be to have just one monogram and keep things consistent. BUT, i think it could work with both. My vote would be for the C, or the name that everyone knows him by. What’s the point of using an initial that no one uses? 
can’t wait to see what you ended up doing!!
I would go with C, since thats what he has always been called. But either way, you need to keep it consistent.
My first thought is to go with the “everyday” initial just because he said it was more him! That’s definitely a tough decision to make, though.
@Purple Nurse: I love this idea! I was just going to suggest to use first initials only, but this is even better.
I vote for S (formal name) on invitations and such. And C (everyday name) on the monogram and named-hangers and such. :] Esp since those objects/things you’ll probably put in your home after the wedding, you’d want it to represent everyday life! :]
both of us go by our middle names, so we are using those initials for our monogram. Of course, our formal full names are on the invitations, etc. but in our “monogram” design carried throughout the wedding it has our initial of the names we go by.
@linguo42:
I have two “middle names” too aka four names. I go by my “second” name/ first middle name…haha!
Personally, I wouldn’t do some S and some C. For me, it wrecks the continuity, which is the whole purpose of incorporating things like that (be it a flourish, a monogram, a specific image, etc.). BUT, that is just my opinion.
I would think of it this way: If he were to sign a letter with his initial, which one would he use? S or C? Or both? And then, from there, figure out what you’ll use for your monograms.
I’m with @mariewest, why not just go with your shared last initial (assuming that you’re taking his name). I’ve seen the one-letter monogram as a cake topper and I think it’s super cute. So, if you’re going to be Mr. & Mrs. SnowCone, you’d just use S.
I think you should go for a mix.. Use his first name on the invites and cake etc and then the name he usually goes by on the rest.
On the monogram you could alway use the ampersand (&) like we did since we’re both keeping our old last names.
There’s a picture of our monogram somewere down the page
http://diy.weddingbee.com/topic/my-semi-diy-invites
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Mrs. Snow Cone, Pittsburgh/Johnstown, PA Age and Occupation: 23, Public Health Graduate Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Engineer Engagement Date: April 9, 2010 Wedding Date: August 2011 Venue: OMOS Church ceremony/Sunnehanna Country Club reception About Me: I’m one of the lucky ones---I met my future husband at the ripe old age of 13, started dating him as a mature woman of 15, and have been enjoying the ride ever since. Here we are, 8 years later, living in Pittsburgh, planning a "homestination" wedding in the place our school romance began---Johnstown, PA. I thrive on talking a mile a minute, eating my weight in chocolate, and internet shopping. I love a lengthy to-do list almost as much as I love a healthy amount of chaos in my life. Mr. Snow Cone and I watch countless episodes of Friends and The West Wing on repeat, root for rival college sports teams, and make each other laugh each and every day. We’re putting together a small-town wedding with a big personality and a classically modern (or modernly classic?) look for 250 of our closest family and friends. It’s been 8+ years in the making, and sometimes I still can’t believe I’m finally getting to marry my high school sweetheart!
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