Now I Ain’t Sayin’ She a Gold Digger…

Now I Ain’t Sayin’ She a Gold Digger…

April 19th, 2011 @ 10:09 am by Mrs. Candy Apple
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Currier & Ives/ Via the Library of Congress

Hmm. Not that kind of gold digger. But I think you knew that. No, I am in fact referring to that classic song by Mr. Kanye West. You know the one: We want prenup! WE WANT PRENUP! (How can you hear that and NOT want to get up and shake your booty?!)

Ah yes, that old debate over (discussion of?) prenuptial agreements.

Don’t know what a prenup is? Yeah, I actually didn’t know what it was either. Still don’t, really.

From what I understand (and I had to confer with my law-school-grad, bar-passing FI on this), a prenuptial agreement (or prenup) is a contract entered into before a marriage (or civil union) that lays out the terms for the division of assets (such as property) or alimony support in the case of divorce. These agreements do not regulate custody issues for children. Basically, I imagine they help guide the legal process if the couple divorces, outlining who gets what, etc.

Even though Mr. CA is an attorney, it never crossed our minds to get a prenup. You might think I’m silly, and that I’m not protecting my best interests, but that’s really not the point.

Mr. CA and I are Catholics, and we do not believe in this type of contingency plan. We believe that, by participating in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, we are binding ourselves together for life. A prenuptial agreement would undermine that sacrament, and would say “there is a possibility that this union might not last.”

I realize that divorce rates are high, yada yada. And trust me, I certainly am close to people who have gotten divorced! I completely understand that some people find it necessary, and I respect their decisions, and of course will support family and friends in those situations. But as for the Candy Apples, we are trusting in each other, and in our relationship and love, to make this work. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. Until death do us part. No sooner.

Are you signing a prenup before you get married? Why or why not?

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50 Responses to “Now I Ain’t Sayin’ She a Gold Digger…”

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Guest

roosterlump

I’m not, but solely because neither I nor my fiance have much money! I do think it’s a good idea if you have a trust fund or other substantial assets, or if you have children and have savings devoted to them that are not secured in a trust.

4/19/11 @ 10:16 am (reply)

Member

Miss CuppyCake (message) 341 posts, Helper bee

We feel the same way you do so we are not signing a prenup. It just seems like you are preparing for your marriage to fail before it even begins!

4/19/11 @ 10:16 am (reply)

Member

tntrav44 (message) 1,322 posts, Bumble bee

My FI is totally against it (he’s Catholic, too), but my dad had always wanted me to have one. Since my dad has met and spent copious amounts of quality time (fun fun!) with my FI, he has kind of let the idea go. I’m not much of a fan of them, either.

4/19/11 @ 10:16 am (reply)

Member

AlliRae (message) 289 posts, Helper bee

No, we aren’t, for the exact same reasons as you!

4/19/11 @ 10:18 am (reply)

Member

mrsbowieii (message) 692 posts, Busy bee

We aren’t doing a prenup either… I always looked at those for rich celebrities (people) whose income far exceed the average person and at times have made most of their money on their own.

I do agree that it is like setting the marriage up to fail even if it is protecting your assets.

4/19/11 @ 10:21 am (reply)

Member

haelmai (message) 232 posts, Helper bee

We’re planning on getting one, and have budgeted the costs into our wedding budget. We both have lots (and LOTS) of student loan debt, and we don’t want the other to be liable for it if something should happen to one of us. I was very surprised when he brought up pre-nups, but then I started looking into them, and think it’s a good idea for our situation.
But that’s just us.

4/19/11 @ 10:22 am (reply)

Member

Miss 1Cent (message) 168 posts, Blushing bee

We’re not doing a prenup either, but more for broke a$$ reasons as opposed to religious ones haha. We’re young & first starting our careers. We also just come from regular old middle class families where it’s not common. If, for some reason neither of us can imagine we divorce, I can’t imagine ever not staying friends and believing the life we built should be split 50/50.

4/19/11 @ 10:29 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Hyena (message) 1,882 posts, Buzzing bee

@roosterlump: I’m with you, a prenup is kind of a moot point for the Hyenas, since we basically bring nothing of value to the table.
However, I do love that Kanye song.

4/19/11 @ 10:29 am (reply)

Guest

smores

Agreed. I do think it’s wise for couples that have assets and both have children from a prior marriage. For instance, my granddad got remarried after my grandmother died. Both he and his now-wife had land and assets and their own children and grandchildren. They executed a prenup so that their own children would inherit what they and their former spouse had accumulated through out a lifetime.

Definitely with you on the planning for a lifetime committment. Our faith makes divorce not an option for the S’mores!

4/19/11 @ 10:31 am (reply)

10.

Member

CorgiTales (message) 9,861 posts, Bee Keeper

I’m a lawyer and we didn’t… but not because we’re opposed to them. In theory we’re both okay with them its just that neither of us has anything worth fighting over! We came into the marriage with equal assets, neither of our families is expected to leave us any money, we both have similar earning power… so basically if we were to write a prenup we would just be re-writing what the default rules in Ohio for divorce already are… kinda pointless.

4/19/11 @ 10:33 am (reply)

11.

Member

MrsSl82be (message) 7,970 posts, Bee Keeper

We didn’t need one. I started my business after we were married, so if anything happened (not that either of us believe it would, we married for life) then he would have rights to my money, even though I am the one making it. Eventually, he will join me, so it just seems right that we both share half of everything

4/19/11 @ 10:36 am (reply)

12.

Member

bRooklynRocks (message) 3,767 posts, Honey bee

There are certain situations when a pre-nup is essential especially when it’s a second marriage and there are children from a first marriage whose interests should be protected. Also, when one is from a family of means etc, sometimes those things come into play. Why? Because your intended is NOT the only one who will be affected in the case of death or divorce. Other folks will be too. Now, I don’t know most folks who get prenups in their 20’s early 30’s because honestly, we haven’t worked that long and hard for our money yet. Most folks are still hitting their professional strides and prenups protects assets before the marriage. Anyhow, I’m not doing it because I’d never though about it. I have nothing substantial and neither does he. But if people do it in certain situations, more power to them

Love the Kanye song!

4/19/11 @ 10:37 am (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Candy Apple (message) 1,465 posts, Bumble bee

@bRooklynRocks: Agreed.

Yes, neither of us are really bringing anything to the table at this point in terms of wealth. So. Yeah. The decision wasn’t a difficult one

4/19/11 @ 10:43 am (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Lox (message) 1,128 posts, Bumble bee

We aren’t, but merely because we have no real assets to protect.

I understand where you’re coming from and all for sure. And in your shoes, I made the same choice for all the same reasons. Alas, I’m still divorced. I know your story will have a much better ending though.

4/19/11 @ 10:43 am (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Candy Apple (message) 1,465 posts, Bumble bee

@Miss Lox: I know; it’s easy enough for me to be so sure now, but really, I guess you never know!! Sometimes, I worry that I’m jinxing myself…

4/19/11 @ 10:46 am (reply)

16.

Bee

Miss Pony (message) 4,174 posts, Honey bee

I really like prenups because it gives us lawyers clients (ha! just kidding). We won’t have one because we don’t have any assets right now and when we do have assets it will hopefully never matter.

4/19/11 @ 10:48 am (reply)

17.

Guest

Erin

Hey friends! My FI is actually the one with money, since he managed to make it out of college with no studentloans, but I am the one insisting on a prenup. See, I have student loans and I want to protect our house, cars and savings in the event that something happens to my loans. It’s really a preventative measure that, for us, has nothing to do with divorce. I imagine that we’ll destroy it once my student loans are paid off.

4/19/11 @ 10:51 am (reply)

18.

Member

SapphireSun (message) 4,749 posts, Honey bee

We don’t have one either. Neither of us really had any major assets, and about equal student debt, so we just jumped in

4/19/11 @ 11:07 am (reply)

19.

Bee

Miss Elephant (message) 6,182 posts, Bee Keeper

We’re like several other couples that have commented, we’re not signing one and neither of us have major assets.

4/19/11 @ 11:16 am (reply)

20.

Member

sulaii211 (message) 770 posts, Busy bee

We are using a pre-nup as back- up documentation to our wills. Illinois law states that inheritance will go to spouses unless explicitly stated in writing. In the event of my death, if my mom is still alive, I need her to have everything as I support her financially and I’m her only child.

I totally respect everyone’s choice- but it’s important to look at as a legal document that can protect both parties and not something that has emotional connotations- especially regarding state laws.

4/19/11 @ 11:23 am (reply)

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