Limitless

Limitless

April 21st, 2011 @ 5:36 pm by Mrs. Sparkler
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A while ago, a friend admitted to me that she couldn’t see things going anywhere with her long-term boyfriend because she was afraid of the limitations of marriage. In her mind, marriage was a break in the tracks she had so carefully laid down for her life path. She eventually broke up with him and moved on, but the conversation I had with her that day has stayed with me for a long time. I think one of the reasons I continue to reflect on her words is because I really never considered marriage to be “limiting” in terms of my choices, my career, or what I want out of life.

Now, I’m no fool. I know there are certain sacrifices I’ll have to make once Sparks and I are married. And I’m ready for it. But while I recognize that we will share a life together and work toward common goals, I refuse to accept that I’ll relinquish control of my own path just because I’m married.

One of the reasons I want to marry Sparks is because his presence is an enhancement to my life, rather than a limitation. I’ve never thought, “Ugh. I could totally do this if I was single.” I’m not saying that I’ll never feel that way, just that I’m not approaching marriage with that fear. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t want my marriage to define who I am… I want it to define who I love.

Oh and, yes, I realize that the title of my post is also the name of a new Bradley Cooper movie. And no, I will not deny you a peek at his gorgeous face:

Limitless : wedding chicago relationships 74117 Gal

Via Rotten Tomatoes

Thanks for listening to me ramble on, hive!

How do you all feel about marriage and limitations? Are there any? Are there certain things you are NOT willing to give up when you become someone’s wife?

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22 Responses to “Limitless”

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Member

R.Elliott (message) 1,011 posts, Bumble bee

I’ve struggled with feeling a little “limited” lately as far as being able to do what I want, whenever I want, 100% of the time. That just isn’t possible when you have a significant other to consider!

However, FI is nothing but supportive in anything I set my sights on, and will always be there for me no matter what happens. I’m willing to give up a little bit of freedom for the comfort, support, and safety he brings me.

4/21/11 @ 5:43 pm (reply)

Member

Ms. Library (message) 1,250 posts, Bumble bee

I feel that sometimes it’s other people who tend to be the ones who put limits on things. For example, my very well meaning MIL asked me why I would go visit my friend all the way across the country if Mr. Library couldn’t come with me. Mr. Library is nothing but supportive and real about everything I come up with, and he has never limited me in our marriage. I think that’s one of the things I love the most about him. He knows that I will support him in his endeavors and he will support me, and we’re real about how it will affect both of us.

4/21/11 @ 5:50 pm (reply)

Member

xtatic1 (message) 778 posts, Busy bee

I heart BC! Just sayin.

4/21/11 @ 5:53 pm (reply)

Member

Elle_Neotoma (message) 307 posts, Helper bee

I think sometimes people unknowingly put limitations on themselves and forget that they are still an individual after they get married.

I love how you say that Mr. Sparks is an enhancement to your life, instead of saying HE is your life.

4/21/11 @ 6:08 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Candy Apple (message) 1,465 posts, Bumble bee

Yes and no. It certainly could be considered ‘limiting’ in that you have another person that you need to consider in decisions, etc. Etc. However, I, like you, have never seen that as a hindrance.
Ps I have a slight crush on Bradley Cooper

4/21/11 @ 6:09 pm (reply)

Member

Caribee (message) 36 posts, Newbee

I think the “limitations” of marriage are part of what help us grow as individuals, and become better partners. I expect that marriage will certainly involve sacrifices, some of which I won’t necessarily feel like making at the time. But learning to give up some of our selfishness for the greater good of our marriage and family helps us to become more mature and wise. I think that is extremely valuable.

4/21/11 @ 6:19 pm (reply)

Member

Knubbsy-Wubbsy (message) 2,395 posts, Buzzing bee

Limiting? I’m not sure I would consider it that. It’s more narrowing. But that’s how all my life choices are. I would love to work at a certain museum but it’s within a 30 minute drive of my parents and I said that I would never want to stay in that area (lovely area, but I want something else).
Perhaps I’m a limiting on FH, because of my career path we can’t hope around Europe for a couple years while he contracts with different programming companies because my field doesn’t work that way. Instead, we’re moving to the East Coast where, realistically, he has a better shot of a getting an excellent job than if he stayed here.

4/21/11 @ 6:26 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Tartlet (message) 3,207 posts, Sugar bee

I haven’t thought about marriage as being limiting, either. Mr. Tartlet can still do his thing, and I can still do mine. The best part is coming home to each other at the end of the day.

4/21/11 @ 6:45 pm (reply)

Member

CorgiTales (message) 9,861 posts, Bee Keeper

If it wouldn’t be totally weird to quote a Bee on my fb page I would totally add this: I don’t want my marriage to define who I am… I want it to define who I love.

exactly!

4/21/11 @ 8:24 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Pony (message) 4,171 posts, Honey bee

I’ve never felt limited in my relationship. I may act differently, but those are small sacrifices compared to what I get back in return.
Love this post, Sparkler.

4/21/11 @ 9:19 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Pain au Chocolat (message) 1,698 posts, Bumble bee

Anything but limited when I’m with Mr. PaC! We just had a convo tonight about how much more we get accomplished with the other’s support.

4/21/11 @ 11:49 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Mrs. Meerkat (message) 3,216 posts, Sugar bee

I am with you! Mr. M. made has not limited me at all but instead has opened up a whole new world of possibilities.

4/22/11 @ 8:36 am (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Snow Cone (message) 1,026 posts, Bumble bee

I think when people say that they’re not ready to get married to ____ because it will give them limitations, it means they haven’t found the right person yet. When the right person enters the equation, the focus shifts from limitations to enhancements, in my opinion.

4/22/11 @ 8:54 am (reply)

14.

Member

MrsSl82be (message) 7,970 posts, Bee Keeper

Of course, I can’t make my own decisions without thinking about my husband. And sure, some things I can’t do because I’m married and totally smitten with waking up every day next to my love (like go on vacay with my bff this summer for a whole week, she didn’t even ask cuz she knew it would too hard on the hubs for me to be gone an entire week at a luxurious locale without him, and there was no room for him to go, so she opted to take someone else. While I was bummed, she was 1000% right that I wouldn’t have gone without him, so I respect her judgement).

But, I don’t see this as limiting me. I chose to be part of a twosome, and you have to take some things and leave some things

4/22/11 @ 9:18 am (reply)

15.

Member

AlliRae (message) 289 posts, Helper bee

I think that’s really sad that your friend thought marriage is limiting. The way I see it, the sky is the limit for my fiance and I once we are married. There is nothing we can’t do, we are just deciding to do everything together from here on out. It’s almost freeing too, because I know we will always have each other, and we will take care of each other no matter what happens.

4/22/11 @ 9:53 am (reply)

16.

Member

Miss 1Cent (message) 168 posts, Blushing bee

I’ve personally always hated those people who relinquish parts of their lives/selves because they are in a relationship/marriage. The only thing you can’t do when you’re married is hook up with other people (I mean unless you & your partner are about that). And if you’re getting married you probably shouldn’t want to. If a person is giving up interests/hobbies/goals in a marriage then it’s obviously just not the right person…

4/22/11 @ 10:39 am (reply)

17.

Member

mdarrah (message) 1,205 posts, Bumble bee

Maybe its just me - but I feel like my marriage has made us unlimited. We can do more together than we could apart. I suppose it limits me from dating? But I dont want to date - I want my husband…. so that isnt a limiting factor at all.

Am I the only Wicked nerd who is singing
“Think of what we could
do -together!

Unlimited
Together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll be the greatest team
there’s ever been - Glinda!
Dreams the way we planned ‘em

[Glinda]
If we work in tandem

[Glinda & Elphaba]
there’s no fight we cannot win
Just you and I, defying gravity
With you and I defying gravity

[Elphaba]
They’ll never bring us down!”

4/22/11 @ 12:34 pm (reply)

18.

Guest

Madeleine

There is the limitation of never getting frisky with Bradley Cooper. And it is TRAGIC.

4/22/11 @ 2:56 pm (reply)

19.

Bee

Miss Hyena (message) 1,881 posts, Buzzing bee

@Madeleine: LOL.

I loved reading the comments on this. Very interesting discussion.

4/23/11 @ 7:33 pm (reply)

20.

Guest

Iuxta

It’s confusing to me that people get so hung up on marriage being the end of your life as an individual. I spent a lot of time single because I was traveling the world and didn’t want to be tied down and have to plan around someone else. Then I fell in love with someone incredible and his importance in my life doesn’t “limit” it - he gives my life a center. Maybe some would say that I’m sacrificing freedom for love, but it has never ever felt that way. When you fall in love with someone, those individual times are much less appealing. Like you said above, my life is so enriched by his presence that the idea of traveling around by myself just seems kinda lame, and I’d never dream of moving to a new place without him because why the heck would I do that?! It’s not that I’ve “settled” or anything, it’s that my perspective on what is important in life has changed. (We still do things without each other of course!)

And the most off-base thing about your friend’s beliefs is that it’s not marriage that does this “binding,” it’s LOVE. All I can figure is that your friend didn’t really love that guy. She did the right thing breaking it off so they can both go find a better match. Hopefully she will find the kind of love that finally makes her understand that marriage does not limit you, marriage is the commitment you make to someone who has become so important in your life that you just can’t imagine the future without them.

4/24/11 @ 9:52 am (reply)

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