I Don’t Hate Kids: The ‘Adults Only’ Reception

I Don’t Hate Kids: The ‘Adults Only’ Reception

April 22nd, 2011 @ 5:54 pm by Mrs. Seal
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OK, I seriously love kids. I think they’re cute and fun to be around, and I like to pinch their chubby little cheeks.

Look, hive! I even have evidence. I spend every Wednesday with this little munchkin.

She doesn’t know it yet, but she totally loves those Harry Potter glasses.

You’ve just met our FG. She’s not technically my niece, but I call her my niece (she’s cousin Seal’s daughter).

Anyhow, why am I trying so hard to convince you that I love children? Maybe because I have a guilty conscience. And with that I will confess my sin: apart from the bridal party, children will not be invited to our wedding. Gasp! The horror!

So if I love kids so much, you’re probably wondering why they’re not getting invites, right? Well, this was one of *the* most difficult wedding-related decisions for us to make but we decided it had to be for the following three reasons.

The Venue: We’re hosting a black-tie reception at a venue made primarily of marble. MARBLE! Kids and marble floors (and marble columns) have no business hanging out. It’s dangerous and makes me anxious and I’d never relax.

The Guest List: Where do we draw the line? Our guest list is already hovering around 290 people and adding everyone’s children would easily add another 50. And that’s not just adding 50 mini-mouths to feed—that would mean 50 more chairs and place settings, 5 more tables, more linens, more menu cards (yes, perhaps the kids don’t need these but I’m crazy and require uniformity) and possibly more escort cards. Ahhh, my heart is jumping out of my chest just thinking about the added costs!

The ’Night on the Town’ Atmosphere: Many of my nearest and dearest cousins have children whom I absolutely cherish. Prohibiting them from bringing their precious little kiddies was an unbearable thought to me until one of them casually said, “It’s like a night on the town! No kids? No worries!” Once it occurred to me that some of these parents might actually enjoy one night away from the wee ones, my heart was put to ease and the issue was settled.

Following etiquette, we will avoid putting any indication of our “Adults Only Reception” on our invites—instead we have spread the word by mouth (and made a tactful note on our website). I’ve even taken on the task of helping to coordinate childcare for those who are interested.

So hive, what’s the verdict? Am I a terrible person, or what?! Are you having an “adults only” reception?

Tags: kids, san-francisco |

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35 Responses to “I Don’t Hate Kids: The ‘Adults Only’ Reception”

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Bee

Miss Bacon (message) 656 posts, Busy bee

I am so down with this! We’re putting “Our celebration is limited to adult guests” on the bottom of our RSVP cards as a reminder to guests. It’s not *technically* on the invite, so I don’t think Emily Post would be too upset.

4/22/11 @ 5:49 pm (reply)

Member

Ryna (message) 4,207 posts, Honey bee

Nah, you’re not a terrible person!

I went to a friend’s wedding last October and grumbled because it was on Halloween. since we took the kids’ trick-or-treating the Friday before (I skipped half-a-day of work) and that morning, it wasn’t too bad.

But… we didn’t take them to the wedding. It was GREAT to have a night out amongst adults.

I THINK they were invited, but, 4+ hour round-trip + not-kid-friendly-type wedding= bored kids. Bored kids=horrible time.

So, yeah, don’t blame you for not inviting everyone’s kids (especially if you don’t have your own!) and letting the parents have a night out amongst adults. Personally, I LOVE the occasional night/day away from my kids, and I love kids (not just my own).

4/22/11 @ 5:51 pm (reply)

Member

Ryna (message) 4,207 posts, Honey bee

Nah, you’re not a terrible person!

But… we didn’t take them to the wedding. It was GREAT to have a night out amongst adults.

I THINK they were invited, but, 4+ hour round-trip + not-kid-friendly-type wedding= bored kids. Bored kids=horrible time.

4/22/11 @ 5:52 pm (reply)

Member

angeebride (message) 370 posts, Helper bee

i have the same guilt about no kiddos. Would you mind sharing what the tactful note on your website is? I just have “Adult Only Reception” on ours and it feels a little harsh. Also curious if any other brides put it on their invites and wish they had not and vice versa. Great post!

4/22/11 @ 5:54 pm (reply)

Member

2ndtime (message) 2,307 posts, Buzzing bee

You are not a terrible person at all! There are different types of receptions. You have chosen to have an adult reception. Plain and simple.

I was just married in a small informal ceremony here at home last Saturday. I did not mention it was adults only but I thought people would assume it was an occasion for adults. I was very surprised when two preschoolers walked through the door with their grandmother! Needless to say they were a bit noisy during the ceremony, bored and restless at the adult affair afterwards.

I don’t understand why people even want to bring children when it isn’t a family style party. Tending to a crabby, bored, whiny child takes away from actually enjoying the party yourself! It’s absolutely wonderful that you’re helping to coordinate childcare!

4/22/11 @ 6:01 pm (reply)

Member

ranchorelaxobride (message) 68 posts, Worker bee

Oh you’re not terrible at all. My excuse was that we would love to have them but that my venue doesn’t allow children.

That, of course, is a lie.

4/22/11 @ 6:16 pm (reply)

Member

Kemi82JP (message) 749 posts, Busy bee

of course you’re not terrible lol! i adore kids too but there was no way in hell we’d be inviting them to our wedding. the reason was just one thing: i can’t stand, and i mean CAN’T STAND, when people just sit there and let their kids cry or talk or make a scene during the ceremony. at the reception i actually couldn’t care less if there are kids around, it’s when they disrupt the ceremony (and they always do) that gets to me. and on top of that, how about when people STILL bring their kids even when they know they’re not invited?? and then STILL sit there and let them ruin the ceremony. How anyone could be so rude is beyond me.

4/22/11 @ 6:26 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Tartlet (message) 3,207 posts, Sugar bee

I totally understand your reasoning for having an ‘adults only’ reception! We didn’t specify for ours, but many of our friends opted not to bring their children anyhow because they were looking forward to a night out with their SO.

4/22/11 @ 6:59 pm (reply)

Member

miss popsicle (message) 24 posts, Newbee

I agree, there is nothing wrong with hosting an “adults only reception” - I’m planning on one myself! I think it’s a slippery slope and can swell numbers quickly. As you noted, sure they are “only kids” but they do add to the guest list and to the costs. Plus, as mentioned by other posters, they are distracting and take away from the ambiance of the ceremony and reception.

I’m different than most of you though in that I actually, secretly, shamefully don’t really like children and therefore don’t have any guilt over excluding them!

4/22/11 @ 7:30 pm (reply)

10.

Member

runnerdoc26 (message) 119 posts, Blushing bee

Totally agree with you hun!!!! We wanted our wedding to be 250 max for invites, we’re inching near 400 just with people’s kiddos. Now, I love kids too and totally agree with you. It’s just something that you have to bite the bullet and do. People will understand and if not……then try and let it roll off your shoulder. Keep us posted

4/22/11 @ 7:36 pm (reply)

11.

Member

mzlouis2b (message) 1,032 posts, Bumble bee

We are having adults only also. Like you we are having a black tie event and it will really not be very child friendly. Plus inviting children would add like 70 people to our guestlist, which we simply cant afford.

4/22/11 @ 7:38 pm (reply)

12.

Member

meanttobee (message) 172 posts, Blushing bee

Not terrible at all! Wish I could do it but my mother keeps saying that if I invite a person and I dont invite their child its like I am telling them not to come. I am still considering it though. I went to a friend’s wedding that was adult only and it was sooooooooooo much more fun than the other weddings ive been to. People were more free to let lose and she had a full house.

4/22/11 @ 8:07 pm (reply)

13.

Member

squeak35 (message) 2,098 posts, Buzzing bee

Its not terrible. My ex roomie’s son had an adults only wedding but they paid for a babysitter to watch all the kiddies. Another friend went to Vegas for a wedding and they hired a babysitter to watch the children where they went out on the town.
I am having an adults only event because I don’t have the funding to include 11 nieces and nephews. It is what it is. Don’t beat your self up.

4/22/11 @ 8:35 pm (reply)

14.

Member

licelot13 (message) 94 posts, Worker bee

do not feel bad, i had added a little slip in the card saying that “due to limited space this will be an adult reception” which in fact is the true. my space is not too big and having 10+ running around and screaming, it’s not what i’m looking for. As it is, i’m having my kids because they are mine and my niece because my fiance invited her (not me)!

4/22/11 @ 9:09 pm (reply)

15.

Member

licelot13 (message) 94 posts, Worker bee

4/22/11 @ 9:09 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Miss Hyena (message) 1,882 posts, Buzzing bee

We’re not doing adults-only, but with the exception of maybe 2 infants, our youngest invited guest is like 10. Most of our cousins our age don’t have kids yet, so we won’t have tons of children wandering around!

4/22/11 @ 11:01 pm (reply)

17.

Member

bklynbridetobe (message) 2,179 posts, Buzzing bee

Hell no your not terrible. I still haven’t decided yet if we going sans kiddies. 1) it will be a huge savings, 2) we get to free up spots for adults 3) I know a lot of our guests will appreciate not a bunch of having a bunch of crumb snatchers around. And that includes some parents too. I adore my god kids to death, but every occassion doesn’t need to become a sponge bob affair.

4/23/11 @ 2:11 am (reply)

18.

Member

TraceyD11 (message) 86 posts, Worker bee

We are also having an “adult only reception” minus the wedding parties own children. Our small budget just didn’t allow for the extra expenses of children. We too love children (I have two of my own from my first marriage), but we needed to draw the line (50 children and 80 adults was just too much). Since our bridal party will be bringing their children and my daughters will be there we were worried other guests would be offended that their children were not invited. After talking to a few of them I realized most adults loved the idea of leaving their kids home and enjoying a night out with their spouse on our expense! So our “Adult Only Reception” will have 10 children at it and that is all =)

4/23/11 @ 7:36 am (reply)

19.

Member

kate02121 (message) 448 posts, Helper bee

Don’t feel guilty! You’re doing it for the right reasons and your guests will understand. Like many people have said, it will be a welcome treat for a lot of your guests to just get a babysitter and enjoy an adults only night.

We are inviting children only because there are so few involved, and it won’t really impact our guest count at all, although my FI’s mom is sure that those on her side won’t bring them.

4/23/11 @ 7:40 am (reply)

20.

Member

Farfromachildbride (message) 1,006 posts, Bumble bee

DO NOT FEEL BAD. We had an adult-only reception, too. It was AWESOME. We even had a FG and RB, but they went to our provided childcare while we had our reception. All of the parents who have children especially enjoyed themselves. It was an evening they could enjoy without having to cut someone else’s food or change diapers. In fact, many of them thanked us for making it adults-only!! You wil be SO GLAD you made this decision.

4/23/11 @ 9:36 am (reply)

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