Standing Up for Me, With Me

If you’re following me here, you know I left off at the agony of trying to decide on my side of the wedding party. After talking about the sibling dilemma ad nauseum with a lot of people in my life, I took a risk and decided to just ask Brother N to be in my wedding party…and he nonchalantly declined.


Image by Natalie Dee

Now, I can reason this out logically—he’s kinda young, he’s a guy, he didn’t know what a big request this was, blah, blah, blah—but it was painful nonetheless. This did, however, confirm for me that the wedding party was not going to be the right way to involve my family in our wedding. Once I recovered from the hurt of this realization, it was actually a rather liberating thought.

Giving myself the freedom to involve more of my friends (AKA family of choice) came with its own set of worries, but it felt exhilirating to imagine my bridal-ly self surrounded by people who have loved me and supported me for the *whole* time I’ve known them. If there’s anything I want for us on our wedding day, it’s to be surrounded by people have loved us—not just as individuals but, at least equally if not more importantly, as a couple.


Image by Rab3ah Al via Flickr

Here’s where that whole “non wedding crazy” friend group comes into play. I want to preface this by saying that I absolutely truly madly deeply love my friends. Yet asking them to be a part of the wedding party felt like I’d be asking them for a really, super-big favor—a favor that I wasn’t sure any or all of them would actually want to participate in. My worries stemmed from a number of factors, including but not limited to personal/political anti-wedding beliefs, geographic barriers, and relatively short length of friendship. Combine all that with the fact that I’m not very good at asking others for things I want (hey, nobody’s perfect—I’m working on it!), and you end up with one ridiculously (and somewhat unnecessarily) nervous engaged lady.

Mr. FW (bless his little heart) really had to step in and help me here because I couldn’t really talk to my friends about this, given that what I was debating had to do with…them! He helped me to clarify what I wanted and needed out of those who would stand up—for me and with me—on that day. He also assisted me in brainstorming a title to take the place of “bridesmaid” cuz, to be honest, I just wasn’t feeling the connotations of that word. So we decided our wedding party would consist of “Ms. Ferris Wheel’s Party People” and “Team Mr. Ferris Wheel.”

Image via Gay Guide Toronto

Here are the things I realized when I put together the Party People:

1) You don’t have to pick a “person of honor” just because that’s how it’s usually done or because people expect you to. Yes, it may make some things more complicated, but choosing someone under duress only cheapens the role you ask them to fill. It’s OK to let everyone be equally important in your wedding if they are, in fact, equally important in your life. And with that, I decided not to have a Party Person of Honor.

2) It doesn’t matter if some friends aren’t particularly crazy-pro-wedding for themselves, as long as they can be crazy-pro-wedding for you. And with that, I asked Dear Friend E to be a Party Person.


3) Long friendships should not be a necessity for choosing a wedding party. A good friend is someone who you feel like you’ve known forever, even if you technically haven’t known them for that long. And with that I asked Fab Friends K and N to be Party People.


4) Number three notwithstanding, there’s no replacement for your longest-running friendship, even if there’s a strong possibility that person will be on the other side of the globe when your wedding rolls around. Because sometimes the asking means more than the answer. And with that, I asked Special Friend L to be a Party Person.


5) When given the choice between flower girl and “junior bridesmaid,” your nine-year-old mini-best-friend will almost always choose the perceived “older girl” role. And with that, I asked incredible Mini-Bestie M to be a Junior Party Person.


6) Boys can be more than ring bearer, and it’s doubley awesome if they want to throw flower petals. And with that, I asked the indomitable C to be the Flower Boy.


There you have it—Ms. Ferris Wheel’s Party People. Having made these decisions, I feel just as incredible as I hoped I would.

Were you happy with how you your wedding party came together? And will you have any honorary members who won’t be able to make it to your big day?


Ms. Ferris Wheel

San Francisco
Wedding Date:
November 2011

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  1. Guest
    Teresa Mo, Guest @ 12:51 am

    I like your party people.

    Question: would it be okay to feel like your brother is supposed to stand on your side? I mean really… like my brother is my only sibling and my oldest friend.

  2. Member
    Ms. Ferris Wheel 356 posts, Helper bee @ 1:06 pm

    @Miss Wallaroo: We totally thought about a donut cake! Love it! And good for you for incorporating the karaoke. That’s going to be awesome. And at some point I might have a few questions for you about Australia, for a little trip we have coming up… :-)

  3. Member
    Ms. Ferris Wheel 356 posts, Helper bee @ 1:08 pm

    @Teresa Mo: Hopefully if your brother is your only sibling and oldest friend, he too will feel like he should stand by your side! I can’t tell from your comment if he’s not amenable to that or if you’re just not sure about asking him, but I say go for it. And let me know how it goes!

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