If you’re following me here, you know I left off at the agony of trying to decide on my side of the wedding party. After talking about the sibling dilemma ad nauseum with a lot of people in my life, I took a risk and decided to just ask Brother N to be in my wedding party…and he nonchalantly declined.
Image by Natalie Dee
Now, I can reason this out logically—he’s kinda young, he’s a guy, he didn’t know what a big request this was, blah, blah, blah—but it was painful nonetheless. This did, however, confirm for me that the wedding party was not going to be the right way to involve my family in our wedding. Once I recovered from the hurt of this realization, it was actually a rather liberating thought.
Giving myself the freedom to involve more of my friends (AKA family of choice) came with its own set of worries, but it felt exhilirating to imagine my bridal-ly self surrounded by people who have loved me and supported me for the *whole* time I’ve known them. If there’s anything I want for us on our wedding day, it’s to be surrounded by people have loved us—not just as individuals but, at least equally if not more importantly, as a couple.
Image by Rab3ah Al via Flickr
Here’s where that whole “non wedding crazy” friend group comes into play. I want to preface this by saying that I absolutely truly madly deeply love my friends. Yet asking them to be a part of the wedding party felt like I’d be asking them for a really, super-big favor—a favor that I wasn’t sure any or all of them would actually want to participate in. My worries stemmed from a number of factors, including but not limited to personal/political anti-wedding beliefs, geographic barriers, and relatively short length of friendship. Combine all that with the fact that I’m not very good at asking others for things I want (hey, nobody’s perfect—I’m working on it!), and you end up with one ridiculously (and somewhat unnecessarily) nervous engaged lady.
Mr. FW (bless his little heart) really had to step in and help me here because I couldn’t really talk to my friends about this, given that what I was debating had to do with…them! He helped me to clarify what I wanted and needed out of those who would stand up—for me and with me—on that day. He also assisted me in brainstorming a title to take the place of “bridesmaid” cuz, to be honest, I just wasn’t feeling the connotations of that word. So we decided our wedding party would consist of “Ms. Ferris Wheel’s Party People” and “Team Mr. Ferris Wheel.”
Image via Gay Guide Toronto
Here are the things I realized when I put together the Party People:
1) You don’t have to pick a “person of honor” just because that’s how it’s usually done or because people expect you to. Yes, it may make some things more complicated, but choosing someone under duress only cheapens the role you ask them to fill. It’s OK to let everyone be equally important in your wedding if they are, in fact, equally important in your life. And with that, I decided not to have a Party Person of Honor.
2) It doesn’t matter if some friends aren’t particularly crazy-pro-wedding for themselves, as long as they can be crazy-pro-wedding for you. And with that, I asked Dear Friend E to be a Party Person.
3) Long friendships should not be a necessity for choosing a wedding party. A good friend is someone who you feel like you’ve known forever, even if you technically haven’t known them for that long. And with that I asked Fab Friends K and N to be Party People.
4) Number three notwithstanding, there’s no replacement for your longest-running friendship, even if there’s a strong possibility that person will be on the other side of the globe when your wedding rolls around. Because sometimes the asking means more than the answer. And with that, I asked Special Friend L to be a Party Person.
5) When given the choice between flower girl and “junior bridesmaid,” your nine-year-old mini-best-friend will almost always choose the perceived “older girl” role. And with that, I asked incredible Mini-Bestie M to be a Junior Party Person.
6) Boys can be more than ring bearer, and it’s doubley awesome if they want to throw flower petals. And with that, I asked the indomitable C to be the Flower Boy.
There you have it—Ms. Ferris Wheel’s Party People. Having made these decisions, I feel just as incredible as I hoped I would.
Were you happy with how you your wedding party came together? And will you have any honorary members who won’t be able to make it to your big day?
you are seriously my new fav bee to follow! your wedding party is so much like mine!! i picked mine based on who my loyal, you’re stranded on the side of the road I’ll drive 500 miles to come pick you up, people were.
i ended up asking 6 girls and 1 guy.
my long time best male friend is a ‘bridesman’ – although i love how you are calling your wedding party “party people” to get rid of that weird bridesman title. (i hate it too… still trying to think of something better to call my friend M). another maid is currently living in South Africa and she is going to make the trip – but if she can’t I’m completely okay with that. AND another maid is pregnant and her due date is 3 days before my wedding — more than likely, she won’t be able to attend.
I’m glad you finally a happy medium with the sibling dilemma you were experiencing! =)
I love everything about your “party people,” but most of all I love that you have a flower boy!! That’s fantastic!
I LOVE those pics of your junior party person and flower boy!!!
I love your writing and outlook and I already can’t wait for your wedding (but I will because I want to read more posts from you)!
@Miss Wallaroo: @Miss Wallaroo: How are you arranging your “bridesman” walking down the aisle? I’m trying to figure this out right now!
Your wedding day is a celebration of love and your public commitment to each other. Far too many lose sight of this but I personally think you’ve done a tremendous job, along with Mr. FW of keeping it straight.
Hooray for the non-traditional approach and your nearest & dearest loved ones coming together and standing beside you both!!
P.S. My niece will be our ring bearer!
I’m sorry that your brother said no 
. But, if he really did not want to be there, it’s Much better that you know NOW rather than later – trust me.
I’m also nervous about asking my people! I am thinking I need to do what you did and think about what exactly I’m envisioning those roles to entail and not entail – just to avoid any misunderstandings before they start.
It sounds like you have a great group!!
(And just to be clear about my last comment, *I* am going to be the one to say “please don’t do anything extra, don’t spend too much $” to the wedding party, whereas my friends are super-outgoing and might expect that I want them to do a lot of stuff…when that’s not really the case!!)
I think you came up with a great solution Ms FW! And how cute are your junior party people?!
Those are great explanations for your choices. I am admire that you didn’t feel like you had to choose people based on what was expected. And-your youngin’ party people are so cute!
Oh my goodness, I want your Junior Party Person and Flower Boy to be my children. Is that weird? They are soooo cute! Also, I love you lots FW. Seriously! I so enjoy reading all of your posts and hearing your incredibly refreshing POV on everything. Furreals, you and Mr. FW are fantastic.
Ahhh and this: “I’m not very good at asking others for things I want” is totally me too. We really need to start our twin list <3
@Miss Wallaroo: And you can be my favorite new reader! 
I’d love to hear more about how you’re making these complicated decisions in a way that feels authentic for you. It’s so complicted, but obviously so important! Btw, I also have a party person who may be pretty pregnant by the time the wedding rolls around. Exciting! And I have no idea what alternative there is to “bridesman,” but do let me know if you come up with one! (Side note: any possibility you’re from the Australia-ish region, or are the name and icon just to throw me off?)
@SadieBee: Isn’t that great?! His sister has almost talked him into being ring bearer, but Mr. FW and I prefer to keep him as flower boy. I’d much rather trust a 5 year old with flowers than rings. 
@nicole: Hey thanks! There’s lots more where this comes from, so I look forward to hearing from you more as well!
@stephbonthego: Ditto! Love that about your niece.
@LeahKS: We’re having everyone walk down on their own, not paired up. Just my two cents.
@RedRoses2: GREAT idea about defining roles before you start asking people. It’s nice if you can be specific about what you’re asking of them. I don’t think I totally knew that going in, and I wish I had.
@Miss Gazelle: Right?! So adorable!
@Mrs. Pin Cushion: Thanks, Pin Cushion! It was a hard road, but totally worth it. And I can’t wait to get picture of those adorable youngin’s for sure!
@Miss Seal: Twin! You’re so sweet. I want them to be my children, too, and yes it’s totally weird to say that. I always look forward to your posts because reading them reminds me how people can be similar in some ways and still plan totally different, totally unique, completely wonderful weddings. So cool!
Ugh, I wish I knew youngins as cute as those to be included in the wedding. We’ve got no flower or ring bearers. But I don’t think flower petals are even allowed in the church, so maybe it’s a moot point.
I bet your party people and team names sound even better w/ your real names. Nice way to personalise the bridesmaid/groomsmen roles and make them your own!
@diamondscan: Those cute kids are going to make me cuter just by being close to them! At least that’s the plan. We can’t have flower petals either, but that works for us because we’re not actually going to have real flowers.
That’s so cute have a flower boy!!! And, yes, boys can love flowers too!
Hehehe, my son will be the “ring bearer” since he’ll be 9 and can act MUCH older (he’s also really excited about it, lol). But my two nephews will be the escorts for the two flower girls (my daughter and my FI’s niece).
As for my girls? I’ve known two for only a few months, and the other for a couple years (geez, it’s been that long?!?!). So, it was pretty easy picking out the MOH for me. (That, and it was a suggestion my FI made and I liked it…)
Love how your breaking up how people think of a standard wedding party!
I have my best guy friend standing up with me, but I’m calling him my “Bride’s Dude”, I have also threatened him with wearing a dress (not that I will make him)
@Ms. Ferris Wheel: honestly, the thing i found that has helped me the most was to let go of other people’s expectations. so many people want to put in their two cents, and at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. it’s about you and your FH and that’s it. we hate cake, so we’re having a donut cake. our families cringed and whined but we told them they had their day already so too bad so sad. donuts it is! we love to karaoke – so the last hour of our reception is dedicated to exactly that! i debated with “man of honor” but then i’m in your boat with wanting to ‘title’ ALL of the bms. oh, and i’m actually in the states, but i studied abroad in Australia in college. Left a piece of my heart there and found an even bigger piece of myself there.
Ms. Ferris Wheel, San Francisco Age and Occupation: 29, Psychologist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Psychologist Engagement Date: May 23 and 28, 2010 (one for each of us!) Wedding Date: November 2011 Venue: Parc55 Hotel (city lights ceremony, ballroom reception) About Me: Born in the Southeast, educated in the Northeast, and over-educated on the West Coast, I finally earned my city-girl credentials and have put down roots in gorgeous San Francisco. I’m a raging perfectionist with a lightning quick wit and a terrible sense of both time and direction. Our wedding task list is endlessly growing because of my predilection to think that DIY projects I can make = DIY projects I should make (so not true!). I always go to bed wishing there were more hours in the day to enjoy all the things I adore, whether that be hobbies, friends, my career, our two dogs, or Mr. Ferris Wheel. Ours is a story of a non-traditional couple living an oddly traditional life planning a not-so-traditional wedding in this city we adore. Together we are bustin’ out all of our best skills (and some of our worst ones) to plan a laid-back-chic DIY-craftastic love-alicious affair!
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