Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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Married bee homeowners: do you have any tips in regards to the home buying process as a couple? What were some of the unexpected things you experienced buying a home together? Now that you’re a homeowner, what are the big plusses and minuses about owning your own home?

Thank you to hive member Lincole for the question!

Check. Your. Credit!! We started the process in January, and found out that due to some poor credit choices on Mr. SD’s account, we were completely ineligible for a mortgage until we got it up. There were a fair few tears shed over this incident. But, it’s all water under the bridge, and we all have to learn from our mistakes. After uncovering the problems behind the low score, we worked with a credit repair company to do some damage control. We’re on target to buy his grandmother’s home next month, which we’ve been renting since last August. It’s definitely been a journey, and one that’s helped us grow a lot as a couple. To have a big problem looming over you, then to come together to work to solve it is one of the major components of a marriage. I love how well we’ve been able to work together to pay off his credit card/small loan debt, and prepare to take on the biggest loan of our lives. It’s scary, and exciting all at the same time. So my advice would be to talk to a lending company about six months or so before you intend to start looking, so you’ll be aware of any impending problems that may hold up the process. It’s always good to start off house-hunting as informed as you can possibly be!

Mr. Socks and I went through the house shopping/home buying experience only a few months after we started dating (maybe 4 months in?). Looking back on that, WOW, I can’t believe we jumped in so soon, but it worked out.

My biggest tip to all potential homeowners out there is to really discuss with your partner the things that are the most important to you as a couple. If you’re on the same page in terms of what you want, it makes the process SO much easier. We looked at about a million homes, but when we found ours, we knew it was the one.

Financially, I would suggest shopping around for a mortgage and finding someone to work with that you feel comfortable with. The same goes for a realtor. We LOVED our realtor, and that made the process so much easier since you really do have to spend a lot of time with that person.

The one thing that I wasn’t expecting about being a homeowner is just how HARD it is sometimes. I’m not the most diligent cleaner in the world, and it surprises me how dirty the house can get in just a few days! How did my mom do this??

The best thing about owning a home is just the sense of pride we get from taking care of things ourselves and depending on each other to make the best home possible. It’s brought us closer together and it’s made us more responsible human beings, which I think is always a good thing!

We bought our first home about a year ago. If you are a first time homebuyer check to see if your city has any free educational programs. The city of Boston had a “First time homebuyer course,” which we attended and found extremely informative. I think the best part of owning a home is pride of ownership (we learned this in the class ). It’s really true. We’ve been having so much fun working on our home. We have lots of big plans and it’s been a fun adventure going through the process together.

The biggest downside of homeownership is the responsibility. You can’t call a landlord to fix something when it breaks. It’s your responsibility to fix and pay for it. We recently hit the one year mark of home ownership and a bunch of issues popped up around that week. We have had one huge bill after another… broken boiler, leaking pipes, our oil went through an entire tank in 2 weeks due to the broken boiler, our water bill will be astronomical due to the leaking pipe, we had to put in a new piping system due to the location of the pipes, we have to pay someone to cover the holes in the wall due to the new pipes, then we’ll need to repaint the walls. This part of homeownership can be really stressful and costly.

My biggest piece of advice to those looking to purchase a home is to make sure you have a good nest egg in case any issues come up. When you get your home inspection don’t just take into account immediate repairs, think about potential repairs in the next 5-10 years.

We purchased our first home when we moved in together, two years before our wedding. Now, we sort of regret jumping in so fast on a house (well…it’s really a condo), since the market dropped as soon as we purchased it. We love (well I should say “loved,” as we feel stuck now) our condo, and over the 2 years we worked on making it a home—painting, remodeling portions. It was fun working on something together. We still love our little condo, but it’s too little for us now as we both have side businesses we run and we need more space to work, and we’d love to have an extra room for a baby one day. I trust everything will work out and we will figure out how to get out of this tough situation we are in, where our condo is worth less than what we bought it for.

Other than that, there really wasn’t anything that came up and surprised us in the process. We put the condo in only one of our names, so in the future if we would like to buy a house, one of us will still qualify as a first home buyer. The only thing with owning your own place is that, as others have said, when things break you have to handle it yourself. Which is both annoying at times and great, because you aren’t waiting on someone else to come fix something, you can handle it however you’d like to.

I also agree with Socks. After living here for so many years, I still can’t believe how dirty the condo can get in just a few days! I feel cleaning is never-ending! Oh, and I also get a ton of joy out of gardening and keeping all our beautiful plants alive. They really spruce up our front and back yard areas.

Ms. Dolphin’s sentiments are mine. We own a condo in the spendy Bay Area. And by own, I like to say that we rent from the shittiest landord—the bank—and don’t actually own anything. We bought at the peak of the bubble—knowingly—because the idea of sinking $25-30K in rent again every year was too much for us to handle. I’d have a more optimistic view on all of this, because our original intention was to keep this place as a rental and either rent/buy a new home in the Midwest when we were ready to move on to something bigger, but now I am 100% sure that the BIG earthquake that’ll hit the Bay Area will happen soon (within the next 5 years. Just a hunch.) and I DO NOT want to own this condo when it happens. We haven’t had the place reassessed but we haven’t made any improvements on it and I anticipate that it’s worth 85-90% of what we bought it for, meaning no upward movement for us when we move on. Woo-effing-hoo!

Condo ownership is obviously different than homeownership in that there are funny quirks that are hard to understand fully (like you literally own everything from the paint on your walls, in, and nothing beyond that). Obviously as most people know, in the Bay Area, if you want to own and you’re squarely middle class, actual houses aren’t actually affordable (well, maybe they are slightly more affordable now, but in 2006 it’d have been a joke for us to even entertain looking at single family homes in decent neighborhoods).

Anyway, honestly, we wouldn’t have changed it a bit if we had to do it all over again. If we rented our condo for the past 5 years instead of owned it (based on what our neighbor rents his identical condo for), we’d have sunk a good $126,000 in rent, which is staggering to say the least. I’m fine with the fact that we “rent from the bank” but I’m pretty much just neutral on the whole homeownership thing. I guess the grass is always a little greener on the other side.

The downside: Houses are money pits! I’m a little jaded because we decided to get a fixer-upper. Whatever you think your renovation budget is, double it for a realistic figure. The toilets will leak, the heating will go out, the yard will flood—be prepared and have a healthy emergency fund. Everything that goes wrong is your problem.

The upside: We worked together well as a team for the renovations and it’s been a learning experience. With any luck, we’ll make a little bit of money on the deal.

Advice: Do your homework! Is it really cheaper to buy in the long run? Add up expenses. Talk to friends who have their own house. Hang out in Home Depot to see if you like spending your life there.

We bought our house after we were engaged and after many months of looking. For a while, I got really discouraged because we’d fallen in love with two other homes, put in an offer, and then were beat out by another buyer. I sort of thought the hard part was finding one you liked, not the actual buying part, so that was a lesson learned to me. Also, I found out that you’re going to have to compromise somewhere–you just have to choose what you’re willing to compromise (pay more money, smaller yard, fewer bathrooms, no garage, more renovating, etc.) But, we did find a house that we love and we’ve been in it for about 2 years. We are having a lot of fun taking on new projects, and making the home ours.

Some of the most exciting days Zeb and I have had together were the days we drove around town searching for our home. Before we hired a realtor, we narrowed our search to a town and scoured the land for homes on the market. That was 3 years ago this July, gosh time really flies. Make sure to pinpoint how much money you can afford and make a list of some of the things you would like. (We’ve already got our one story, lots of land, farmers porch, with two bathrooms next house all picked out—just need the moolah!) You’ll have to be flexible. We couldn’t find a house that didn’t require an extraordinary amount of work (electric heat, foreclosed homes, disgusting kitchens, termites—you name it we saw it) in our price range so we did end up spending a bit more than we expected. It ended up being financially manageable for us still.

Some tips: The process takes a long time. Expect a few heartbreaks and refused offers. Make sure to get your best hard-ass hat out. I learned my best negotiating skills during those 4 months.

For the future: Once you purchase your home, try to pay extra each month, or take out a bi-weekly mortgage, in order to pay down your principal faster. We recently re-mortgaged for a lower rate but continue to pay our previous payment in hopes of paying it off within 15 years. Some people will urge you to take out a 15 year mortgage but we found comfort in being able to choose to spend less if we find ourselves struggling.

My number one biggest tip is to stay well below your allotted budget, if at all possible. When Mr. MJ and I looked at buying our home—the first house for both of us—we were given a budgetary restriction by our lender. It was a pretty large sum that would have had us spending about 30% of our income on a mortgage. But you guys: it would have allowed us to buy some AMAZING homes. Five bedrooms? Whirlpool tub? 3-car heated garage? WOOHOO! But I am glad we thought about it and chose something less fancy. We bought a modest home that is large enough for us to enjoy together—and start a family in if we choose to do that—but costs under 15% of our monthly income. Meanwhile, we were able to pay off other debt and put money in to savings instead of into a larger mortgage.

Oooo, and see if you can get copies of winter and summer utility bills. One of the houses we looked at—I kid you not—would have cost us over $500/month to heat in the winter. No thanks!!

The biggest plus to owning a house is the quiet. No sharing walls! No people stomping around! No screaming children! No assholes smoking on the balcony right below your living room window! On the flip side, we can wear shoes in the house or watch a movie without disturbing a neighbor. The equity is great too: we pay less for our mortgage than we did to our landlord before we bought our house! I also love being able to have a cat without paying a big nonrefundable deposit or worrying about repercussions from a landlord. We didn’t buy our house for this reason, but it is nice to have that freedom.

I don’t think there have been any big minuses to home ownership for us. Obviously we have to do more to a house–maintenance, etc. that a landlord would do in a rental. (And our house is 82 years old, so maintenance is a given!) But we were thorough in educating ourselves during buying process and made sure we knew what we were getting in to, so thankfully our house hasn’t held too many unsavory or costly surprises.

I have written about the home-buying process and the things we have learned/experienced in detail on my personal blog.

I’d say I learned three major lessons in the home buying process. First was patience: we looked at condo after condo over weeknights and weekends for several months. I admittedly got to the point of “just put an offer in” when places looked good enough. Getting worn down by the process can happen quickly and searching MLS listings for hours on end can really burn you out.

Second, carefully consider your finances. We searched for properties that could be supported by Mr. Seashell’s salary alone. In the event of job loss or financial hardship the idea of one of our salaries paying the mortgage felt smart. Additionally, I should admit that we were not married when we purchased our home so we also felt it most responsible to have our home tied to Mr. Seashell (and our car tied to me).

Last, consider your lifestyle and long-term goals. We knew we wanted our condo to last us through the birth of our first child and anticipated that we’d be ready to move come our second (but could feasibly survive if the market didn’t allow us to move). This meant that we thought seriously about the dynamics of lugging a stroller, groceries, luggage when traveling, and a small child up and down a third or fourth floor walk-up. Additionally we thought about grandparents coming to visit and the feasibility of asking them to walk several flights of stairs while helping with a baby. Living in a city with harsh winters, we also had our eye on adjacent indoor parking. As a result we found a perfect fit in a first floor walk-up with train access for Mr. Seashell’s commute and indoor parking out our back door!

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What about you? Do you have any home buying tips? What are the big plusses and minuses about owning your own home?