Weddingbee Blog

We just wrapped up our pre-marriage counseling with our pastor. Even with three counseling sessions to get through—one per month in the three months before the wedding—we didn’t want to wait until three months before the wedding to think about the marriage that will be following our giant awesome party. Because of this, we decided to do a little bit more legwork, so this post is going to be about some of the ways we’ve been preparing for a successful marriage.

• Counseling - Obviously, we met with Pastor Jason, who is officiating our ceremony. This was actually quite fun; we’ve gotten to know him pretty well over the past year. (Mr. H plays basketball with him every week!) He’s pretty young and has a good sense of humor, so nothing was too awkward! As I mentioned, we had three sessions with him:

1. The first session was an introduction to getting to know us as a couple. We were required to put together a list of three things we love about each other and three things we hate. Pastor Jason said this would be helpful for when he planned session #2, since he could figure out right off the bat if there were any “problem” areas in our relationship.
2. Session #2 was an overview of some of the issues married couples face. These were the things we needed to start thinking about now—before we’re married—including finances, supporting each other, time together versus time apart, family planning, and the dreaded sex monologue. (Thank goodness for monologue and not dialogue, yes?) Luckily, most of the issues we had talked about ahead of time, but we did need to come up with “us” time; too often, we see each other when it’s convenient, and we don’t have set times or dates that are just for the two of us, so we’ve started setting that time aside for each other.
3. Our final session was to go over the ceremony section by section so we could understand ahead of time what it is we’re promising, what those vows mean, and what the covenant with God is all about. I pretty much could not stop smiling during this session! We also got to discuss our reading options, music choices, and our desire to take communion as part of the ceremony, as well as figure out a few of the nagging logistics I had lurking in my brain.

Image via Rotten Tomatoes

• Fireproof - I put the movie Fireproof on my Netflix queue after I saw a recommendation for it on the ’Bee, and we watched it awhile back. If you can get past the fairly terrible writing, it had a pretty good message. This couple is having marital troubles and decide they want a divorce. The husband goes to his father and complains about how it’s just not going to work, he gets no respect, etc., and his dad challenges him to a 40-day “love dare” to try and repair the damage that has been done to the relationship. The movie has some good messages about putting each other first, breaking habits that destroy intimacy, and generally treating each other the way you’d like to be treated. (Note: The movie has a lot of emphasis on Christianity, but I’d recommend it even if Jesus isn’t your cup of tea. It doesn’t matter your religiosity; it’s always good to treat your partner well, which is the whole point.) You can also find the 40-day challenge on the movie’s website. (I linked it in the title for you.)

Image via Amazon

• The 5 Love Languages - I just finished reading this and passed it off to Mr. Hyena, and he read it pretty quickly. (Have I mentioned that he hates reading? I’m impressed that he got through it so fast!) This book was really good. Really good. It’s about how we give love to others and how others receive love through five “languages”: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. It was very eye-opening. We all feel loved in different ways, and we need to learn to better speak each other’s languages in order to love each other in a way that makes a lasting difference. Mr. H kept trying to get me to tell him what mine are so he can skip ahead to those chapters! I very much recommend reading it, and it made for a great discussion.

What are you doing for your marriage prep? Do you have any recommendations for us?