Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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What do you call your mother in law? Is it the same thing you called her before you were married, or did you make a switch?

Before we were married I avoided calling my MIL anything because I wasn’t sure what to call her. I would just stare in her general direction and hope that she would look up so that we could talk. Mature, I know. But, now that we are married (and even before we were married if my stare trick didn’t work) I call her by her first name. It’s how she introduced herself to me, and avoiding calling her anything (especially when I need to call her on the phone) just doesn’t work.

I call her by her first name, which is the same thing that I called her before we were married.

I call my MIL by her first name. The first time I met her when Mr. FF and I were dating, I referenced her as “Mrs. LastName,” and she quickly asked for me to call her by her first name only. Easy peasy for me!

In the beginning, I called her “Mrs. ——.” As we grew to know each other, I just called her by her first name, and still do after our wedding. Mr. D calls my parents by their first names too. The whole calling in-laws “mom” and “dad” is a weird thing for me.

Joan.  Always have!

I’m also in the first name camp. Though, for his dad, I call him Papa T. He gets a kick out of it!

Ohhh my gosh. This is embarrassing. Before we were married, I called her “Mrs. XYZ.” And now? Come to think of it…in the past YEAR I have been at my in laws’ house for Sunday lunches almost every week, but I have never once used her name! What?!?! I guess if it came down to it, I’d use her first name…but it feels WEIRD to think about that.

I’m a first namer too. I asked Lambster what I should call her when we were dating and that’s what I’ve called her since. I figured she’d correct me if she wanted something else.

I have 2 MILs (I know, lucky me): a step-MIL and Mr Frenchie’s Mom. I call them both by their first name. No-one ever said please call me this, like my parents did for Mr Frenchie, so I just went with first names and figured they could correct me if they wanted. In the case of my step-MIL, Mr Frenchie calls her by her first name, so that was easy. However, with my MIL, Mr Frenchie obviously calls her mom and everyone else calls her by her nickname, Sue. I do still feel a little odd calling her Sue instead of Susan, but I usually just go with what I’m feeling at the time or just use the look directly at her and start taking method.

I call her by her first name, which is what I did before we were married (or the just start talking method which seems to be popular with others!). She usually signs emails and things with “Mom First Initial” which I think is sweet, but I don’t think I’d be comfortable just calling her mom all the time (that’s what I call my mom!).

I’ve always called my mother-in-law by her first name, and continued to do so after the wedding. She’s not my mom; she’s Linda, and so that’s what I call her.

I’ve always called her by her first name. Well, to be more respectful, I always say Ms. -first name-. Calling her mom never crossed my mind, because my mom is my only mom.

I call her by her first name. Always have, always will. The thought of calling anyone besides my own mom “mom” just weirds me out. Not for me!

In my family, EVERYONE calls their in laws mom and dad. Growing up, this never seemed strange to me. Is this a Pittsburgh thing? An Italian thing? Who knows. After getting engaged, however, I started thinking about it, and I realized that I couldn’t call someone mom or dad who weren’t my parents. Burger’s family calls in laws by first name, so it had never occurred to him to call my parents mom or dad.

Prior to getting married, we called each others’ parents Mr./Mrs. ____, and now we call them by first name. I think my mom would LOVE for Burger to call her mom, but my siblings and I call her by her nickname a lot anyway. Interestingly though, Burger and I both call each others’ extended family members aunt/uncle/grandma/grandpa! I think it’s because it seems too informal to call them by first name.

For the first few years, I avoided calling my MIL anything at all. Eventually, I became comfortable enough to use first names with my in-laws, which is what I still do, and Mr. HC for my parents. However, we are still working out how to write joint mail/cards. If I’m writing to my parents, no problem, I write “mom” or “dad” and sign both our names. But if it is for my in-laws, I have Mr. HC write it and sign our names—I feel funny calling them “mom” and “dad” because I would never do that in real life!

Count me in the “nothing” camp. Mr T’s parents never expressed their wishes or introduced themselves to me in a certain way. It seems too informal to call 70-somethings (at least non-American ones) by their first name, and they’re definitely not the “mom and dad” type.

Which is all to say—thank heavens for having a kid! It opens up a whole new world to the “nothing” camp once you can refer to your in-laws as grandma and grandpa (or amah and akong, in our case).

I call her by her first name in person, usually, or “MIL” in email or Facebook. If I’m feeling playful, I address her as Mom or Nana, but only in pretty specific contexts.

I’m her third kid-in-law, so my SILs set the tone before I came around; things might have been different if they hadn’t.

Hahaha, I’m just like FroYo, Buttons, Hermit Crab and Tulip. I’ll be all “hey…you” while looking at her. Or talk loudly in her general direction. I have called her by her first name, and I believe that’s what she’d be fine with…but it just seems odd for me to do it. Ditto with my FIL. So really, I just look at them and talk if possible. But if I need to get their attention, I’ll call our their first names.

I’m like quite a few of the others too: I kinda avoid calling her anything…bad daughter-in-law. She signs all her emails and cards with “Mom” and her other daughter-in-law calles her that, but I just can’t. It’s too weird for me. At the moment we live halfway around the world from my in-laws, so I can stick with this method of not calling her anything for awhile, but I know I will have eventually call her something. Maybe I will just pop out a grandchild for them so I can call her Grandma. Ha. I would prefer to call her by her first name, which is what Mr E uses for my parents, but I’m not sure if they approve of that. It is a little hard to tell. Ah well, that is a problem for Future Mrs Earrings to handle!

Zeb comes from a formal family. I addressed my friends parents by their first names but Zeb always did the Mr. & Mrs. Last Name thing. I was introduced to his parents as Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. (Zeb shares the same first name as his father.) I always addressed his parents as Mr. & Mrs until I began working with his mother when she asked me to call her by her first name. I still don’t know what to call his father because it is awkward for me to call him and Zeb the same name. (Most of Zeb’s family calls him by his middle name—it gets confusing.) I continued calling him Mr. until a few months ago when I started calling him Papa Zeb jokingly. It’s stuck and it works, so I’m sticking with it.

Funny story: after many awkward months of not knowing if I should go FirstName or Mrs. LastName Mr. Seashell’s Mom called me on the phone. I thought to myself, “Perfect! She’ll say who’s on the phone and I’ll know how to address her.” Not so much.

<Hello?>

<It’s Mr. Seashell’s Mom! Hi!>

Ugh. Problem not solved. Weeks later I teased her and said she ruined my opportunity of knowing what to call her. We later settled on FirstName.

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What do you call your mother in law?