RSVPs: Really Slow, Very Peeved

RSVPs: Really Slow, Very Peeved

May 9th, 2011 @ 3:26 pm by Mrs. Jaguar
Share

One of the things I knew the least about before becoming engaged was RSVP-ing. I’ve only been to a small handful of weddings in my time and they were mostly small and intimate events, where responding tended to happen in person rather than by card. Being on the other end of the response line has taught me LOADS about etiquette: let’s just say I will never, ever slack off on responding again. Seriously. Waiting around to find out about guest responses really, really sucks.

It doesn’t matter how well you know someone or how many times you gently remind them to send the card back—there will always be slackers. Our cut-off date was May 1st (yep, over a week ago) and we’re still waiting on about twenty-five guests. I’ve started chasing up guests. My family has started chasing up guests. Mr. Jaguar’s family have started chasing up guests. And while we’ve had a few verbal ‘sure, we’ll be there’ and ‘I think so!’ responses, that’s not good enough for me.

I WANT THEIR CARDS BACK.

I want them for a few reasons. I want their definite answer—not their tentative one. I want their meal choice, so I don’t have to hear complaints about not meeting their needs in the future. I want to be absolutely clear that they’ve not decided to add a +1 on to their wedding invitation. I want to put the response cards and envelopes that we paid MONEY for, to be used. Considering that every guest we say YES for is costing us a crazy exorbitant price per head, it’s not too much to ask for a simple response, is it?

One of my colleagues told me today about an ‘in thing’ right now when it comes to responding to weddings. Apparently if you’re not planning on attending the wedding, you just plain don’t respond. Um, say what? I hope this is just a rumour and not a trend, because as a bride-to-be, it really got my back up. We go to these crazy lengths to make it simple and easy for people to give us their answer, and what for?

Looking back, I’m glad I put the response due date early. It means that I get to chase up now with a little extra time. The REAL final deadline is Friday the 13th. (Is this doomed from the start, or what?)

As for our guest responses so far, well, they’ve been eye-opening to say the least. We initially invited 116 guests. Since then, we’ve added on another 10 from our back-up guest list, as well as another 8 of my work colleagues. (I waited until we received some definite ‘no’ responses before inviting them.) We’ve had ‘YES’ responses from people who we didn’t expect to come. And we’ve had ‘NO’ responses from some surprising people—people who we had automatically assumed would be attending our wedding.

There have been a few tears. There has been a lot of disappointment. But then, there has also been happiness—because at the end of the day, no matter how few or how many guests we end up with, every week that goes by brings us closer to being MARRIED! And that is what counts, and what I keep telling myself every time the RSVP cards make me want to start stabbing our slacker guests with a fork.

How did your RSVPs turn out?

Tags: rsvp, sydney |

Share |

Latest Gallery Pics

Hot Pink and White with Zebra 36" Lighted Spandex Ostrich Feather Centerpiece

46 Responses to “RSVPs: Really Slow, Very Peeved”

1 2 3 Last

Member

mightywombat (message) 3,311 posts, Sugar bee

What?! That is crazy talk. I don’t know who these people are, but I have never heard of anyone neglecting to RSVP for any reason other than flakiness.

5/9/11 @ 3:30 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Candy Apple (message) 1,465 posts, Bumble bee

Not respond?? Omg so frustrating. That is ridiculous. I’m sorry the process has been such a headache, J Lame sauce.

5/9/11 @ 3:39 pm (reply)

Member

Courtnee (message) 153 posts, Blushing bee

I could have sworn the mailmain was hording the RSVP cards. I loved checking the mail everyday–some days there would be a lot and some days none. Our due date was May 1st too and we also had about 20 guests we had to track down (out of 160). We have 3 left as of today.
I also learned that from now on I will write a note on the card. Either a “So excited, can’t wait!” or a reason why we can’t be there–I hate not knowing why people wouldn’t want to come when we thought they would for sure be there

5/9/11 @ 3:43 pm (reply)

Member

cartascartas (message) 205 posts, Helper bee

only about 50% of my guests replied by the date, which was april 5. this weekend, i was still hunting people down for their rsvps and i’m still missing one person. ridiculous.

5/9/11 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Hyena (message) 1,882 posts, Buzzing bee

We did have one couple that never responded, even after follow up emails and phone calls. At some point I just had to assume they weren’t coming.

5/9/11 @ 3:47 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Elephant (message) 6,182 posts, Bee Keeper

RSVPs were so frustrating, as was finding out that some of the “yes” RSVPs ended up “forgetting” about the wedding. Ugh!

5/9/11 @ 3:48 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Pony (message) 4,174 posts, Honey bee

I sincerely hope that is not a trend because this would be the single most frustrating trend in all wedding history. I hope the other RSVPs magically appear in your mailbox today!

5/9/11 @ 4:00 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Gazelle (message) 994 posts, Busy bee

We are in the process of waiting for our cards to come back right now too. Our guests still have a few weeks but I know that a lot of folks still don’t really know. I’m sorry it has been so disappointing for you. Poor Mr G - I think that the majority of his side is not going to be there.

5/9/11 @ 4:03 pm (reply)

Member

future.mrs.awe (message) 90 posts, Worker bee

ugh, I am dreading this part!

5/9/11 @ 4:04 pm (reply)

10.

Member

AlliRae (message) 289 posts, Helper bee

I am so with you on this! I feel like you just wrote out everything I have been feeling. Our wedding is this saturday, and we still have not heard from some family and supposed close friends definitively. I am afraid to say that I think people do think that no response equals not coming, BUT IT SO DOESN’T. I can’t get over the rudeness. Good luck rounding up the rest of your guests!

5/9/11 @ 4:08 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

Melissa

I’m one of your date twins and the RSVPs are making me CRAZY! Our deadline was Saturday so I’m waiting another day or two before I start stalking. Seriously…I will never be a late responder ever again!

5/9/11 @ 4:23 pm (reply)

12.

Member

E-Shix B (message) 34 posts, Newbee

I teared up reading your post because I was going to write practically the same thing on my blog, but I have been too busy hounding folks to find out if they were coming. I’ve also been having to follow up with folks who did RSVP, but I later found that they had no intention of coming. We accidentally ordered double invites & RSVP cards. Well, maybe it was divinely inspired, we had to send out a second batch of invites/RSVP cards to nearly half of the guest list. Then, SOMEONE demanded that a bunch of other folks be added to the list that they never told us about the first time that we asked them. So, we sent them to keep the peace. Well, none of them responded either…

I am having a buffet, but I am fully prepared that there are going to be tons of people who were never thought of on the guest list and I wanted the people that we actually invited to have first dibs on the seating. But, with 3 weeks from today left and about 25% of people who are either not responding, vague, or some other form of getting on my nerves… I decided yesterday that I really can’t care anymore. I know how much food I am willing to pay for. I know where fiance & I are gonna sit and am at the point of not even caring any longer…

5/9/11 @ 4:45 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Kinsey123 (message) 69 posts, Worker bee

We’ve had very similar RSVP shenanigans. I don’t know if it’s a new thing for people to just not respond if they don’t plan on coming, but we definitely experienced that. I set the deadline pretty early, but there were probably at least 50 people who hadn’t responded by then, and 8 or so who still haven’t (my wedding is the 29th). Worse than that, though, is the people who added additional people (typically called “plus ones” but we had up to 4!) to their RSVP. Even though we did it via wedding website, e-mail, and text, people snuck through on the website thing by doing things like “Mary Smith (6)” when clearly only 4 people were invited. SO RUDE. Sorry, this is my soapbox, but I just found it beyond shocking that numerous people I know are obviously complete idiots. Sigh.

5/9/11 @ 4:49 pm (reply)

14.

Member

bRooklynRocks (message) 3,767 posts, Honey bee

Oh God the RSVP dance. You guys have no idea how LUCKY you are that you are in a culture that honors RSVP. I’m African. RSwhat??? I don’t know what that is Yeah, that’s what someone told my mum. Another one said ‘Ah, too many pieces of paper in the invites’…okay, there was one for accommodations and one for the RSVP..say what?? Thankfully, I used Mrs. Elephant’s idea for the invisible ink and told my mum that her friends should circle “Yes” or “no” and drop it in the mailbox. BTW, those are my mum’s friends. My own friends haven’t RSVP’d at all

5/9/11 @ 4:53 pm (reply)

15.

Member

lisaelanna (message) 315 posts, Helper bee

What I seem to be hearing from most people is that they have trouble getting back RSVP cards even when you’ve included stamped, addressed envelopes (or postcards) and all they have to do is mark “yes” or “no” and drop it in the mail. I’ve been thinking about doing online RSVPs - to save money, make organizing easier and to be a little more green (plus all of our wedding info - lodging, locations/directions, area stuff to do, and registries - are online). But despite this, I don’t want to be committing RSVP suicide just to save a little $$ and paper…do you guys think that even fewer people would reply if there’s no card included with the invite?

5/9/11 @ 4:53 pm (reply)

16.

Member

that girl (message) 71 posts, Worker bee

We sent out our invitations 2 weeks ago and our guests have another 2 weeks to respond. To date I’m still waiting on replies from 68% of the 116 invitations that were mailed out.

I thought I was prepared for the headache of waiting for RSVPs to trickle in as I manage corporate events throughout the year and I’ve read countless posts about other people’s RSVP backlong and yet I’m still beyond annoyed that people are just NOT considerate.

I sent save the dates out in December so people would be prepared and could clear their schedule for our date. I also provided an online RSVP and phone option for the majority of our guests. So when I see all of my friends and family post things on Facebook daily I can’t help but get annoyed that they have time for that but not to log onto our website and RSVP!

I think it comes down one simple fact, many people were never taught proper etiquette and we have to suffer because of it!

5/9/11 @ 5:16 pm (reply)

17.

Member

Caribee (message) 36 posts, Newbee

I’m another wedding date twin of yours, and an RSVP date twin too, so believe me when I say, I know what you mean!! We’re still chasing about 40 guests…not cool. Being on this end of wedding planning sure gives you a whole new perspective…

5/9/11 @ 5:39 pm (reply)

18.

Guest

~Mummy~

I think it is just plain RUDE !!
MY first reaction is NOT to even bother chasing people up - and NOT have a place for them. BUT in saying that - I had to chase two of MY friends for your cards (but I knew they were that sort of people … ie UNORGANISED !!)

I think it is basic ‘manners’ to answer - and I think for close relatives etc - it would be nice to get a call to know ‘why’ … that bugs me !!

and your right baby girl - you are still going to have an AMAZING wedding …. can’t wait

5/9/11 @ 5:59 pm (reply)

19.

Guest

mbethlax123

@ Lisaelanna

We are doing online RSVPing because we thought it would be easier, cheaper and greener. While it was all these things, we still have people who have not responded yet and many of them are my close family members and friends. I think whatever route you go with, people don’t realize, or forget, what further planning is dependent on the number of guests coming.

5/9/11 @ 7:30 pm (reply)

20.