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There have been many thought-provoking posts around the hive (including a fairly recent one by Miss Hyena) regarding a bride’s identity-altering decision as to whether or not she will change names for marriage. See for me, a name is not just a name; names tell stories, reveal history and hold meaning. My last name, the one I’ve lived with and signed thousands of times, is absolutely no different.
Truth be told, my surname is unique. So much so in fact that I am likely related to all others with my last name in the US in some distant way or another. Also, when I type my last name into Google images, I am immediately greeted by a page filled with a familiar face.
Anyhow, my name is important to me, so it is not without hours of thought that I am even considering changing it. Mr. Seal is a great sport about it all and understands my hesitation. In fact, Mr. S says that he’d 100% support me if I decided to not take on his.
Seems like a simple enough decision then, right? But no.
Some traditional part of me really likes the idea of taking on your significant other’s last name-I think it’s sweet and romantic in some inexplicable way. Also, I plan on pro-creating with Mr. Seal and I’d very much like to share a last name with my children.
So some of you may be thinking: why not just hyphenate my last name?
Well, firstly, I already have a hyphen in my name. Yeah. My parents gave me two first names and stuck them together with a hyphen AND they gave me a middle name too. So, if you’re doing the math, if I took on Mr. Seal’s last name and hyphenated it with mine I’d have FIVE names and two hyphens. Could you imagine how long it would take me to sign things?!
Another option would be to drop my middle name and move my last name to the middle, thus making room to take on Mr. Seal’s surname as my own. However, my middle name was my maternal grandmother’s name and it seems kind of rude to just cut her out like that.
Sigh.
So, this is where you all come in.
Any insight is greatly appreciated 
Did any of you struggle with this decision?
I’m in the same boat as you….I love my last name and I’m very attached to it. I don’t want to get rid of my middle name because it is my grandmother’s name. I would only have one hyphen if I hyphenated tho! I think I’m going to take the plunge and just take the Mr.’s name for my kids sake. I still have 6 months to decide…
I also like the idea of dropping your last name and taking on your husband’s. I think it is very romantic. That is what I plan to do.
I am not changing my name. My mother didn’t either, and it never bothered me that she didn’t have the same last name as me; I always thought it was kind of cool that she kept her name. It didn’t confuse me or make me feel any less connected to her, which are two concerns I often hear when women are debating keeping their name, or arguing against keeping one’s name. My middle name (and my sister’s) is my mother’s last name, which I like the idea of, and can be a good option for incorporating your name into future children’s names. All in all, it wasn’t a difficult decision for me, and my fiance supports my decision 100%–as he should, since he’s keeping his name too 
I plan to take my husbands last name. I voted to use your last name as your middle name. I am in the same boat but both last names are 10 letters so that would make for a very long name (and my first is 8!). So I will probably end up dropping my last name all together.
I am keeping my last name, with the full support of my fiance. I’ve never seen any evidence that not having the same name as husband and children undermined family unity or confused anyone except the occasional receptionist.
@Bluestocking: Love your handle!!
My husband and I decided to leave our last name in fates hands! I was unsure about changing my name, we didn’t want to hyphenate, but we knew we wanted to share a family name for when children are in the picture… not me - my name, him - his name. When we met with our officiant prior to the wedding she asked about names, and we still had no clue. She told us a friend drew their name from a hat, and we knew it was totally meant for us! We told NO-ONE! At the end of the ceremony she announced that we believed fate brought us together, and we were leaving our family name in fates hands as well. She then explained that we’d each put 2 last names we’d like in the cup she was holding, and she would now pick our last name. It was great, and a story to tell our kids, that’s for sure!
I thought about dropping my middle name and using my last name as my middle name, but my current middle name is my Grandmother’s maiden name. It’s a family tradition (on my dad’s side) to give last names as middle names. My cousin has our grandma’s maiden name, I have my mom’s mother’s maiden name. I love my Mr. and I want to share his name.
Seal, I totally feel you on the names being really special and that they hold a lot of meaning, and memories. Thats great that your name is so special to you! 
The reason I chose just take Mr. Seal’s name is, you are starting a whole new chapter of your life with him, and just think of all of the incredible meaning of that, and all of the memories that are yet to be made. This new name will be a representation of this part of your life. Plus, I agree that it would be nice to have the same name as your future children.
I hope you choose whatever makes you happy! Thats awesome Mr. Seal is so supportive about whatever you want to do.
Have you thought about dropping one and giving that name to a child (if you plan on having one) someday? That’s what we’re doing with my maiden name. Maiden name = first or middle name of child someday.
I kinda vote Option A. Here’s why-
It took me a year to finally finish all the paperwork involved with changing my last name. But after the wedding, everyone referred to me as Mrs. HisLastName. You can legally leave your name just as it is, but socially be referred to as Mrs. HisLastName. My mom never changed her last name legally but I didn’t even know about it until I was 20-something. She always introduced herself as Mrs. HisLastName.
Your husband can take your name, you know.
Your kids can also take your name. Or you can alternate their last names so that some have yours, some have his.
There’s no reason it has to be 100% your responsibility to change your name for family-name cohesion, if family-name cohesion is important to you.
Why don’t you just have all of the names? The only time anyone will know how long your name is, is on legal documents. Day-to-day, you could go by First-Name Mr.Seal’slastname, but then you still keep your grandma’s name as your middle name because you like it, and your maiden name as your maiden name. It’s 2011 and I say you can do whatever you want and your decision could be to have them all if you want them all.
I’m usually in the wait and see camp. I’ve had lots of friends waiver on this issue, but after they get married and use their husband’s name socially for a while, they decide whether they want to legally change it altogether. I think if you aren’t set one way or the other, you should test it out and see how it makes you feel. It’s a big change to deal with for some people, and I think it is totally acceptable to take your time deciding.
Wow that IS a tough decision! The fact that you are struggling over it means you might regret dropping your name completely. I think the best option (although they all have downsides) seems to be just having a bungh of hyphens, haha.
Personally, I am dropping my last name for my fiance’s because: I want to have the same surname as he and his surname is wayyy less common than mine. I am sick of having a common name, haha.
This is such a sticky wicket that I don’t think any of us can really tell you what to do. It’s personal and it’s hard.I’ve faced the same dilemma for entirely different reasons myself. Anyway, I can’t vote because I find myself entirely unable to imagine what you should do.
Personally, if I were in your shoes, I’d probably move my maiden to my middle and take my husband’s last name. You could pass on your maternal granmother’s name to a child to keep it alive. But I don’t necessarily think that has to be the right option for you.
Ugh, I’m not making sense. It’s a very personal choice, that’s all. And I think whatever you ultimately decide will be the perfect thing for you to do. Seriously.
First off, I am very non-traditional so that definitely affects things. But the way I see it is I have as much of a link to my family history and the name I grew up with as my fiance does with his. It’s certainly a nice and romantic thing I could do for my future husband, but the expectations and the tradition behind it, along with the sense of loss and anger I felt at being the one expected to make this sacrifice, really take away from the good feelings I might have had. I will keep my name and he will keep his as well.
I was in the same boat. My last name was so unique that I actually KNOW basically every person in the US with that last name (all family, none more distant than second or third cousin). I had a really hard time giving it up but ultimately I just really want to be “the ________s” and share that name with my husband. So I took the “use my old last name as my new middle name” route and I like it. I get to keep my old name while still having my new name… and while it felt weird dropping my middle name it came down to… which would i rather lose, my middle or last name? Easy choice for me.
I vote you keep your last name, Mr. Seal keeps his, then you Hyphenate the kids last names when they come.
You could move your last name to your middle name, take his last name, and use your former middle name as a first name or middle name for one of your children (if you have a girl)
I agree with @Paige: . This is what I did, I moved my last name to my middle, but kept my middle since it’s my grandmother’s name. So everyday it’s First-name HisLast, and even on legal doc I usually only sign my middle initials (both). So it’s really really rare that I have to sign First-Name Middle OldLast HisLast.
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Mrs. Seal, San Francisco Age and Occupation: 25, Personal Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Sales and Support Specialist Engagement Date: December 12, 2009 Wedding Date: November 2011 Venue: Sts Peter and Paul Church/The Bently Reserve About Me: I am a goofy, wannabe crafty, well-intentioned Renaissance Woman (OK, perhaps "aimless wanderer" is a more aptly suited term for me, but hopefully you get the point)—basically I dabble in just about everything and pride myself in such. Without warning, I occasionally breakout into soulful improvised songs and interpretive dances and there's just no stopping me! As so many others before me, planning our wedding has unearthed a deep, intense passion for all things bridal and I secretly fear the day it will come to an end. Mr. Seal and I are quite the pair and life with him by my side is extremely rewarding—I am so thankful to have found him. Together we are planning a black-tie San Francisco affair for 250—light on the stuffiness and with lots of extra Seal-y flair.
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