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We’re in the home stretch, y’all! I’ve only got one major thing left to finish for W-day, but it’s a biggie: writing my vows. And I’ve got some writer’s block.
I’ve been working on them for several weeks, and I’ve finally gotten something written that is very romantic and fairly formal. But that’s a problem. See, as a couple, Mr. S and I are not very romantic or formal. We fart in front of each other, a LOT. We call each other “butthole” as a term of endearment. We pick food out of each others’ teeth.
And we are both embarrassed by huge romantic gestures and flowery language.
So, I don’t feel comfortable delivering these formal, fairly stuffy vows. They don’t feel true to me as an individual, or to us as a couple, and they don’t feel like they’ll fit in with our casual, quirky wedding.
Don’t get me wrong: it’s not that they don’t feel honest. Every word in my vows is completely honest, it’s exactly how I feel. It’s just the tone that I have issue with.
In show biz, there are people called punch-up writers, who take scripts and “punch them up,” make them tighter and more interesting/funny/whatever. And that’s what I need. I need someone to punch up my vows, to make them less stuffy and more “me.” And yes, I totally get the irony of needing another person to make my vows more “me.”
Since I don’t think that there are any wedding vow punch-up writers available, and since I wouldn’t truly feel comfortable trusting my vows to another person, I need to figure out how to make my vows less stuffy and formal. Do I do some sort of word-association exercise? Get loaded, write down some stream-of-consciousness words, and then try to make sense of it the next morning?
Instead, I am turning to my fellow Bees for inspiration. Mrs. Cola’s Vow Libs are really helpful for determining a format. Mrs. Cherry Pie’s ceremony was completely hand-crafted and personal. But I think that Mrs. Pin Cushion’s vows will be my biggest source of inspiration. They’re cute, funny, and personal, but laid-back, not stuffy or formal.
So off I go to take my flowery vows and turn them into something more appropriate. Can I use the word “butthole” in my vows? Just kidding. Maybe.
Did you write your own vows? Did you find it as daunting as I am finding it?
I vote that you engrave butthole on Mr. S’s wedding band.
Also, major props for writing your own vows. Definitely took the easy way out with that under the guise of being “traditional”
My fiance and I actually wrote the vows for two of our best friends (the couple that introduced us, actually). They are funny, and cute, and occasionally ugly-cry inducing (oh, is that just me?) but pretty awesome. Want them? It might be a good jumping off point!
I sent you a p/m. Let me know!
I originally thought I was going to write rhyming vows for Mr. B, but I think our priest is not too keen on it :(.
Sloth, I struggled and fought with my vows so I get it. FINAlly I got them where I wanted them and sent them off to the officiant. What happened next? I got paralyzed with fearov er having to read something so personal in front of an audience. I fail at vows, it seems. Ugh.
Sounds like a tough one. Seems you got it covered, though. Good luck!
We wrote our vows too….and I also tried to tow the line between lighthearted and meaningful…but not too flowery. it was tricky, but i think yours are going to be just awesome, S. i can’t wait. 
I feel for you, I tried to write my vows twice now & it just hasn’t happened yet. I need to get on them myself as my wedding is Friday. I wish I had punch-up writes myself.
Best of luck to you!
As a wedding officiant who helps couples craft their unique ceremonies, I suggest that when they want to write their vows, the best way to start is to write the other person a love letter. And “love letter” doesn’t have to be all flowery and sappy like a Hallmark commercial…I mean putting your feelings into everyday words that will be meaningful and memorable to the other person. And, in the same vein, I believe you should say whatever you want to your partner on that Important.Day…even if it means calling him a term of endearment like “butthole.” LOL
Sloth, I’m a writer and I adore you. Send me those vows.
We use “poopyface” and frequently credit-card each other as forms of affection around here. And excess methane gas has been known to hang in our airspace 
So we have the same issue. I can’t wait to see what you come up with!
You’re getting so close Sloth! OMG!
So we forgot to put writing our vows on a checklist, so they didn’t get done until we were standing in front of everyone. I vowed to “try to clean more and fold laundry even at bedtime.” Vows can say anything even butthole.
holy crap Miss Sloth, get out of my head! I am going through the exact same thing right now. I love my man something awful but the thought of saying all that flowerly lovey dovey stuff in front of everyone makes my stomach lurch just thinking about it. good luck! and please post your thoughts afterward
Oh thank goodness we don’t have to do this! We’re using the traditional vows per our church’s requirement, but even if they didn’t I don’t think I could do them justice!
I’m scared about writing the vows. Mr. Gazelle has been working on his since we got engaged. Yikes!! I’m not sure what tone I want to use and I do not like to get mushy. And he’ll get mushy. I’m currently avoiding all thoughts about the vows.
I’m scared about writing the vows. Mr. Gazelle has been working on his since we got engaged. Yikes!! I’m not sure what tone I want to use and I do not like to get mushy. And he’ll get mushy. I’m currently avoiding all thoughts about the vows.
I totally agree with you on the feeling awkward expressing deeply romantic sentiment in front of others. My guy and I are the farthest thing from frilly and romantic, for Valentine’s day he got me a case of Coca Cola in glass bottles (my favorite) it was the best Valentine’s day gift ever! We didn’t so much write our own vows as we “customized” semi-traditional vows. There were old faithful parts, like love, honor, cherish, but then we got into promising to call each other out on epic fails and educating our children on preparations for the Zombie apocalypse. Which I know probably sounds morbid and RIDICULOUSLY inappropriate for a wedding, but its a running joke we’ve had our entire relationship (literally from date 1) and everyone at the ceremony will get it. I don’t see anything wrong with calling your fiance butt-hole in your vows, you’re vows should be 100% you, no holds barred.
It was a huge challenge writing my vows. For weeks I would jot down ideas as they came to me on random scraps of paper, and one night I typed them all up and stared at them trying to piece together a coherent message. This did help organize my thoughts a bit!
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Ms. Sloth, Philadelphia Age and Occupation: 35, Account Manager and Fashion Blogger Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Design Admin Engagement Date: December 25, 2009 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Bartram's Garden About Me: I'm an internet junkie and music snob with a good eye for a bargain. I couldn't live without thrift store shopping, cheeseburgers, sushi, Coke Zero, websites devoted to silly photos of baby animals, Photoshop, and Mr. Sloth. Speaking of which, he and I are a pair of goofball homebody nerds who love our beagle (the most ridiculously adorable dog EVER) to an embarrassing degree. We're planning a low-key and intimate yet festive and quirky outdoor wedding with DIY details and deeply personal touches, and it's all taking place in the city where we fell in love and call home: Philadelphia.
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