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For many women, the first thing they do once they get engaged is head to the bridal shops and start trying on dresses.
Image via Intimate Weddings by Jennifer Cox
That wasn’t the case for me. In fact, I got engaged on October 9th and didn’t step foot in a bridal salon until almost a full three months after getting engaged. There were a couple of reasons.
First, I didn’t want to shop too early. I figured I might change my mind if I got my dress too far in advance and didn’t want to have dress regret. Secondly, I knew that bridal sizing is really different than street-clothes sizing, and I wasn’t ready to try on dresses in sizes way bigger than I’m used to. It had a lot to do with my ongoing struggles with disordered feelings about eating and exercise. I knew it would be a big hit to my ego, so I’ve spent the last few months trying to prepare myself and remind myself that bridal-gown sizing is different, but it is nothing to worry about. It is just an obscure number…much like that number on the scale.
On a whim, my mom and I decided to try to see a couple of bridal stores one Sunday. Sharing the moment with my mom was a great experience, and it was fun to see myself in bridal gowns for the first time. But the sizes of the dresses hit me like a ton of bricks. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it honestly really almost totally ruined the experience for me.
It is both really frustrating and fascinating the kinds of things that turn out to be emotional triggers for me. A few weeks ago it was the Victoria’s Secret fashion show (but that was a pretty obvious trigger). This time it was a number on the tag of an absolutely stunning bridal gown, which I lost complete interest in due in part to the size on the tag. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it was the truth for me.
The journey out of disordered eating is a long one. So far in 2011 I’ve taken many positive steps, including agreeing to even dress shop in the first place. It took a lot of mental effort on my part to even agree to start trying. It didn’t turn out exactly like I hoped it would, but I have to remember what a blessing it is to be able to share moments like this with my mom, who just a few short years ago was sick with cancer. She’s healthy and happy and supportive. I have a fiancé who thinks I’m beautiful and can’t wait to see me walk down the aisle in whatever dress I choose. I can’t ask for much more than those two things.
Did anyone else have a less than perfect experience looking for wedding dresses?
I hear Bridal sizes are 4 sizes bigger than your street size, so dont worry mine is huge too!! Who cares, who will even know? I cant wait to see the dress you choose, I’m sure you look amazing! 
You are beautiful and no # on a dress tag changes that! Maybe stop looking at the sizing and just try on in a little oblivion? 
Can’t wait to see what you end up with, as I know it will be beautiful.
Thanks for sharing from the heart. I too am a bride with an eating-issue past but was able to go and try on dresses and found one not long after. It’s so much better if we don’t beat ourselves up about silly things like #s
When I was deep into my eating disorder, I found shopping for clothes incredibly difficult too, and a trigger for my bad eating behaviour. Even now I find it difficult sometimes.I know how hard it can be to take even small steps towards recovery, so great job on all the positive steps you have taken Miss HW! You are going to look incredible on your wedding day
In two weeks I go to the shops to try dresses on for the first time and I am equally excited and nervous. I am not looking forward to feeling like I’m being shoved into a sausage casing. I am dieting and exercising, but, in the words of Popeye, “I yam what I yam!” And I could workout for 12 hours a day and still have big mama hips! Good luck with your dress shopping. I watch Say Yes to the Dress for inspiration and everyone of those brides, xs to xl, look BEAUTIFUL! So will you!
I think that you are beautiful I’m sorry you had a less than perfect shopping experience, but keep up the positive attitude!
I love you already! You got engaged on my birthday Seriously though… don’t look at the sizing. Some brands run big and others small. I’m usually a 10/12 and got married in a size 8 dress but while in a specialty shop was in 14’s and 16’s. It really depends where you go and all that matters is that you feel good and love your dress!!
I’ve never had an eating disorder so I don’t know what’s reasonable to ask. Can you not look at the size? or ask them not to mention it? Or is looking at the size something you feel you have to do? Sorry for my ignorance in the situation.
Thank you for sharing!
I hope you’re able to find a dress that makes you feel as beautiful as you are.
I too had ’sticker shock’ and from the price tag, but from the size of the dress we ordered. Why won’t they be kind and make the dress sizes run large for small size?! That would do oodles for the confidence!
Is it possible not to look at the sizes? I have no idea what size my dress is, and it’s sitting in my closet! (Granted, I bought mine off the rack from a small designer)
I hated knowing the size of the dresses I was trying on, it is a real hindrance for those of us who have or have had issues with food, weight, and size. You’ll be a beautiful bride no matter what size the tag on your dress says!
I don’t quite understand the logic behind bridal sizes. Both bridal and bridesmaids shopping could have been more pleasant if the sizes weren’t so inflated! I vary 1-2 sizes depending on designer/store, but 4-6? So confusing!
I can totally relate to dealing with wedding stuff and disordered eating triggers. With me it hasn’t been so much the size of the dress (although having to get measured was tough… since I used to do that every day and be very obsessive about it and had gone a couple years without measuring) as it has been about having to order so far in advance. I put it off and put it off, trying on dresses that I knew weren’t really what I wanted until 8-9 months before the wedding because I was so scared of my weight fluctuating. Which was totally in my head because my perception of my size fluctuates way, way more than my body ever does.
With the sizing, preparation helped. Knowing that it wasn’t always going to be what I expected, and that it was based on a different scale than the one that I spent time judging myself against. That and remembering that sizing up against any chart pales in importance compared to things that are really important. I am so glad your mom is doing better and able to share this with you.
@Lizzie:
The consultants all seemed to ask my street clothing size immediately, brought out what they thought was the right size, and then had to go up several more sizes. *cue anxiety*
It was almost impossible to avoid the numbers. I didn’t really have a way of knowing in advance that that is what it would be like, so if I were to do it again, I would have been more stern and asked them very specifically not to discuss or mention the sizing with me and to just guess my size in order to get started and figure out what I needed to be trying on.
This probably doesn’t help anyone with mental illness, but for anyone who feels self conscious about the #’s, think of it this way:
Stop thinking of it in terms of “I am a size ___,” but rather “I usually wear a size _____”, or better yet, “In this dress, the size ___ fits me best”
I have never had an eating disorder but have had very close friends and family who have so I understand in part how difficult things like dress shopping can be. Just remember, beauty comes from within. Its never a number on a tag.
You are truly blessed to be able to have the experience with your mom; mine just passed away in March and will never see me walk down the aisle.
I hope sharing your wedding planning journey helps you with your struggles and I hope our Hive can help aid with the exciting planning of your big day. Congrats!!
I’ve sang that song. I’ve struggled with weight and food my whole life and being engaged seems to have been a trigger for me. The pressure of looking perfect on your wedding day is definitely pretty heavy and it’s something we all feel. When I went dress shopping, I didn’t look at sizes and the consultants didn’t ask. They were really great, actually. At one shop all of the samples were really tight and at another shop all the samples were huge…go figure. The dress I bought is definitely 3 or 4 sizes bigger than my usual size, and actually needs to be let out a tiny bit, but it’s really beautiful and I feel beautiful in it…THAT is what’s most important!
Good luck, girl, you’ll be beautiful no matter what!!!
I, too, am recovered from an eating disorder. Granted, recovery doesn’t mean these things don’t affect you. This is something that made me dread dress shopping as well.
I had the same experience as you - they asked me my street size and brought out dresses about one size bigger. Well…I ended up ordering a dress about FOUR sizes bigger than my street size. Mostly because I’m weirdly shaped, and the smaller sizes would need to be taken out in certain areas. And the seamstress lady said it’d be better to go up another size.
I’ve been engaged for almost a year, getting married in 6 months and still haven’t been to a bridal store. Couldn’t think of anything worse!
I got my dress second hand, it must have been dress-tiny
FWIW, as someone who has spent a lot of time hating my body in life, when it all came together for me, I really did feel like I was at a sort of lifetime peak at my wedding. May you find THE dress and all the trappings that make you feel exactly the way you should be on your wedding day and leading up to it. Hang in there!
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Mrs. High Wire, Dallas Age and Occupation: 23, Legal Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Director of Communications Engagement Date: October 9, 2010 Wedding Date: September 2011 Venue: Clark Gardens About Me: My loves include yoga, anything spicy, our eccentric cat, our rambunctious dog, and Mr. High Wire, of course! Like the steadiness act of the tightrope walker, this gal is busy balancing life while planning a wedding to the man of her dreams. We’re hosting a laid-back, vintage-inspired, bird themed wedding with heavy doses of love, good eats (did someone say tacos and margaritas?), and endless Texas charm. Mr. High Wire and I are so happy to have you along for the walk across the tight rope.
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