Weddingbee Blog

…at least all of the time, anyway.

Don’t get me wrong: I am going to love the celebration, no matter what. And I have oodles of sugary love for Mr. Jam, which is the whole reason for this affair. But preparing for the big day? The love has sort of…fizzled (to say the very least).

We had an 18-month engagement, which was fantastic and laid-back and enabled us to do things at our own leisurely pace. But in those 18 months, everything changed. Our visions changed. Our taste in music and food and attire and guests changed. We lost loved ones, struggled with our $10k budget, and planned a century’s worth of DIY projects to tie the whole fiesta together.

And here we are, three sure-to-fly-by weeks away from the wedding with a ton of projects calling our names, begging to be done for the sake of our latest vision. And because Mr. Jam has officially been living out of state for four months (and counting), whose plate does that fall on?

Mine. Mine, mine, mine.

The wedding is turning into “Whatever Miss Jam wants, because how much can you really do over the phone, and do you really want to bug Mr. Jam with the details when he’s working 16-hour days?” And that’s exactly what I didn’t want.

The details just don’t seem to matter to me anymore. I find myself not caring about any of it and ignoring the wedding preparations, only to be roughly jerked back to reality by a text message or call from my harried mom, who has taken on the frazzled bride role upon realizing things weren’t going to get done if she didn’t. It’s not fair that she’s the one waking up in the middle of the night because of wedding-related nightmares and I’m sleeping easy and ignoring the impending nuptials entirely.

It all boils down to one thing: I supremely miss Mr. Jam, and the wedding is suffering because of it. My selfish hostility is so great, there are days that I wish I could take every single thing back and elope with nary a guest in sight.

I know I’m not the only solo-planning bride out there: military partners are stationed in foreign lands for years at a time; lovers are eagerly awaiting visas so they can come to America and tie the knot; people are in long-distance relationships every single day across the world and they’re OK with it. So why am I being so hard on myself when I’m clearly not alone in this?

Then, just like that, everything changes. I hear an amazing song that would be perfect for reception introductions, and I can’t help but dance around the house and imagine that moment in full, vibrant color. I get a new idea for the bouquets. And I start to brainstorm the millions of other projects I’ve selfishly saved until the last minute, much to the chagrin of my family and friends who have no idea why I’m refusing to acknowledge this wedding.

Because at the end of the day, this is what Mr. Jam and I really wanted, no matter what the circumstances are. And even though he may not get to come home until the Thursday before the wedding and he’ll have to leave again immediately after the honeymoon, it’s the time in between that truly matters. It just hasn’t been the fun-filled planning process I’d always imagined.

OK, hive, spill your guts: Are you part of a long-distance engagement? Do you have an intense distaste for solo wedding planning, or is that what you would actually prefer? Have you ever completely ignored your impending wedding in hopes it would all just go away? As always, share your tips and tricks…I’m sure there are a lot of people who would thank you for it.