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Awhile back, Mr. Funnel Cake and I sat down and drafted our invitation text, something that we had been mulling over for the past few months. The first draft went something along the lines of this:
Drs. Daddy and Mommy Funnel Cake
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
Miss Funnel Cake [first and middle name only]
to
Mr. Funnel Cake
son of
Papa and Mama Funnel Cake
on Saturday XX October 2011 at 9 AM
at St. Christopher Church
1420 Grandview Avenue
Columbus, Ohio
Reception following immediately at
Franklin Park Conservatory
1777 East Broad Street
Columbus, Ohio
Personally, Mr. Funnel Cake thinks “request the honour of your presence” sounds really dated and just plain strange to his Swiss ears. Translated in German, it’s even worse. We were still thinking of changing it to “request the pleasure of your company” or “cordially invite you.” Mr. Funnel Cake also knew his parents would not like to be referred to as “Mr. and Mrs.” and his mother would especially not like to be referred to as Mrs. Husband’s-first-name Funnel Cake. That would just not fly. (That’s not her name!) Mr. Funnel Cake wanted to know if we could just refer to both of our parents by first names, but my parents are both doctors and they usually ALWAYS want to be referred to as that, gosh darn it! They did slave away to get those doctorates! Lastly, Mr. Funnel Cake put his Swiss foot down on writing out dates and numbers. He cannot bear to write “two thousand eleven,” so we are sticking to numerals, which I am absolutely fine with. I would just stick with numbers to be even more Swiss, but Americans and non-Americans would get confused because the numbers are written in different formats (10.XX.2011 versus XX.10.2011), and we don’t want different date formats on the same page making people think we are neurotic and don’t know how to tell what day it is.
Beautiful letterpress via armato design on Etsy / Red scribbles by me
Mr. Funnel Cake translated the English version into German and Portuguese as best he could and then he sent them off to Mama and Papa FC for grammar corrections because he is not very good at grammar in any language. In fact, I know more grammar rules in German than him at this point! He doesn’t even know what dativ and akkusativ are, honestly!
Unfortunately, when I arrived home one night, Mr. Funnel Cake was on the phone with an upset Mama and Papa FC. Apparently…this invitation wording makes it seem like my parents are hosting the wedding instead of both sets of parents. That’s funny because my parents ARE hosting the whole thing! (I.e., paying for the church, reception, catering, etc.) So it’s only natural that they are sending the invitations out when they give me away to Mr. Funnel Cake in October. A big resounding “DUH!” was exclaimed by both of us.
Now, Mr. Funnel Cake and I are paying for a fair amount of expensive things on our own, such as our attire and accessories, rings, wedding photographer ($$), invitations, plane flights, etc. I’m pretty sure by the end of it we will very likely spend as much or more than my parents will be spending, but Mr. Funnel Cake’s parents are contributing ZIP to the wedding. Maybe this is not quite fair because they have agreed to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner, but that is a separate affair where they can have full rights over whatever goes on the invitation. If they wanted to host the wedding jointly with my parents, we could have arranged that…and I’m pretty sure Mr. Funnel Cake and I would really have appreciated some help paying for our rings and photographer, which are particularly expensive parts of the wedding, but they did not offer and we did not ask. Now I wasn’t sure what to do. Stick to our guns and keep them in their place on the invitation, or upset my parents (and myself) by making it look like Mr. Funnel Cake’s parents are contributing something more than “nothing.”
Why can’t we do something simple like this??
Image via Free Flash Designers Blog / STDs by Magnolia Press
Was wording your invitations more complicated than you originally planned?
Thank you for sharing this post. I am in the same boat with my FMIL. After a lot of conversation with my family, who is paying for EVERYTHING, I finally just had my FH sit down and explain to her that this is the way the invitations would read and that was that. She is not in any way happy, but I am my parents only daughter and it is only fair they get to have the opportunity to have the invitations worded as they choose.
I think you should stick to your guns! Good luck!!! <3
we have 3 sets of parents to include on our invites. his parents are still married, my father is remarried and my mother is in a long term relations ship…
i need HELP TOO!!!!
We are paying for most of the wedding ourselves, though both sets of parents AND my grandmother are giving us some money to pay for what we need. We have had difficulties with both sides of our families, so that in combination with us paying for most things, our invitations sort of sweep over the whole “who is hosting” issue. It simply states that we are getting married on X date, please join us. We are not going to pass this by our parents for their approval, they will see it when they get it in the mail. They also haven’t asked about it. Not meaning to sound harsh. 
I think it is already nice that you are including the “son of …” part, because traditionally you don’t have to if your parents are paying for everything. It is totally your parents’ party, and the invitation should sound like it.
Benefit of paying for everything ourselves: no input from anyone else on anything. Bad part means paying for everything ourselves. Good luck with the invite problems.
Stick to your guns!! That is BS. If they were contributing I would understand but come on! It’s nice enough you put them on there - some people don’t even PUT the groom’s parents on the invite.
We put “together with their families” B & G request the pleasure of your company b/c we were paying for the whole thing. But if your parents are paying for a lot of it, you have to at least honor them in that way. Let his parents do the R-dinner invite.
Yes! I included “son of” as a “just in case” to please his family, as they too are not paying for anything wedding or reception related (at this time…) I did the “Mr. and Mrs.” for both parents and didn’t frankly care whether his mom was offended (my mom was not seeing as she uses it all the time.) I also found that “honor of your presence” is the phrase to use when having a church ceremony whereas “pleasure of your company” is for less formal ceremonies.
Stick to your guns, FC. Seriously! You’re already compromising by putting “Son of…” on there - that’s not traditionally on invitations.
Marrying a German, I struggled with all of these concerns (except the Portuguese). Ultimately we paid the majority of our wedding and used the wording together with our parents instead of their names (also to save space with the dual language). If you are still struggling with this PM me and I”ll send you the Pdf of our formal invitation in both languages. We wrote out the numbers because I told hims it was how it had to be in the US 
I say stick to your guns and hopefully they will understand why you’ve chosen to do this wording. This is why I haven’t shown the parents the wording on our invites, that, and we’re paying for everything. I hope this works itself out!
For a different perspective, I would say you should remember that while the wedding will be over soon, you’re going to live with your future in-laws as your family for many years. I think in these cases it’s good to be on the side of inclusive rather than exclusive. If it’s going to hurt their feelings the way it is now, I think you should try to find a way to put them on there that makes them happy.
Oh we’re having similar problems in that my parents are paying for the entire reception so technically they are hosting, but then my fiance’s mom is paying for our honeymoon and his dad (they are divorced) is contributing absolutely zero in terms of money or planning. How in the heck do you word that?! We really don’t want to offend anyone. Then there’s the matter of speeches and reception lines… it would be easier if it were JUST my parents contributing but having his mom and not his dad makes it so much worse 
We had some complications too. Since my fiance’s parents aren’t contributing that much (really, at all) to our wedding, and my parents are splitting the costs (pretty much) with us. AND his parents are divorced AND his mom’s name is hyphenated AND my parents hate being referred to as MR. and MRS. so we did:
Together with their families
Miss First Middle Last
and
Mr First Middle Last
request the please of your company at their wedding on Wednesday the eighteenth of May two thousand eleven at four o’clock in the afternoon.
I wanted to do “invite you to share in the joy of their wedding” but it was too wordy for our space. We’re also including a letter with the German and Czech invites to explain things to them, because American weddings are way different. I think there is nothing wrong with personalizing it. But, remember to Keep It Simple Stupid
Wow. This sounds kind of mean to his parents! Perhaps they would have shouldered more of a financial burden had you decided to marry in their country? Also, they’ve contributed a ton to your wedding: your fiancé! I am so incredibly thankful to my in-laws for raising such an amazing man and supporting us in everything that I can’t imagine throwing a lack of monetary support in their face. Then again, I didn’t let my parents pay for my wedding either….
@Silveramos: I live in Grandview too! Unfortunately my wedding will be up in Cleveland with my family but I think I am a Columbus Bee none the less!
thank you for posting this!!! I am about to order the invitations and I never even thought to go over the wording with my parents or the in-laws!!! You may have just saved me from a war!
has always weirded me out. It’s my wedding, therefore I should be inviting people!
Talk it over with your parents and see how they feel about “hosting jointly” I mean both parents are contributing a kid to the equation and withouth that there wouldn’t be a wedding!
Shortly after I made up our invites the in-laws who had up to that point not contributed (I think they were kinda in the dark on what to do, or how fast I plan things so didn’t know HOW at the time) they gave us a check to help out. Now its significantly less than what my parents are contributing, but for them I know its a significant amount… so I am WAY glad I had worded my invites:
The Future Mrs. and Mr, together with their parents
Dad First and Mom First Lastname
and
FIL First and MIL First Lastname.
I would have felt bad now if I had done it as just my parents hosting as they have helped fund, and I know they would help in any way I asked in from across the country.
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Mrs. Funnel Cake, Zürich, Switzerland/Columbus, Ohio Age and Occupation: 24, Visual Communication Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Application Engineer Engagement Date: May 30, 2010 Wedding Date: October 2011 Venue: Catholic church followed by a botanical conservatory About Me: I'm an American designer who moved to Switzerland for love after a fairytale beginning at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I love travel, photography, museums, learning German so I can speak with my mother-in-law, cooking (eating), cuddling, and I'm not afraid to try something new even if it terrifies me. My Swiss/Brazilian man and I are both down to earth people planning a traditional Catholic wedding in my hometown with some quirky cultural exceptions to reflect our different backgrounds. We look forward to celebrating with friends and family from all over the world in a classic, sophisticated fusion of heritage and love.
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