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It seems like there’s so much emphasis in today’s wedding world to personalize your wedding, making it totally custom, unique, individual, and so on. Brides today are encouraged to take tradition and turn it on its head, whether it be dogs serving as ring bearers, friends serving as officiants, a breakfast-themed reception menu, or an underwater wedding ceremony.
Image via The Bahamas Weekly / Photo by Tim Aylen
That’s all fine and dandy, and I’ve fallen into the “ohmigoodness must personalize” wedding mentality on more than one occasion. However, I do think there’s something to be said for traditions being maintained in their expected manner. They’re traditions for some reason or another, meaning a decent sized group of people over a handful of generations deemed them to be worthwhile practices for a wedding. This isn’t some fly-by-night, crazy, off-the-wall idea that you’re incorporating into your big day…it’s a practice that links you with many weddings of the past as well as many weddings of the future.
All this soapbox-preaching has a point, I promise. Mr. Snow Cone and I are doing our best to infuse personalized details into the entire wedding day, but we’re still, at the heart of things, some pretty traditional folk. We like familiarity, which is probably why we watch the same episodes of Friends and The West Wing over and over and over again. We want our wedding to be personal but still comfortable and familiar for both us and our guests, which is why we’ve decided to pursue the traditional route and toss the bouquet and garter.
We’re the first of our friends to get married, so I’m optimistic that our younger, unmarried guests haven’t been to so many weddings to grow weary of this tradition. The way I see it is that you only have one day in your life when you can actually toss your bouquet and your garter. It seems kind of silly to me to throw that one opportunity away just because some people see this tradition as annoying, outdated, or just plain icky. Mr. Snow Cone and I want our wedding to be fun, personal, and traditional. We want the memory of all of our high school and college friends gathering up for the respective tosses. We (or at least I) want the fun photos that go with the tosses.
Image via In Love with Weddings / Photos by Kelly Vasami Photography
Image via Luster Studios
Really, truly, the decision to have the traditional tosses was an easy one for us. But don’t worry, we’ve already agreed to work out a signal for the DJ in case the thought of the garter-catcher placing his new trophy on the bouquet-catcher is just too awkward (think: relatives and/or cringe-worthy age gap). We want tradition, not sheer mortification for everyone in the room.
Are you doing the tosses at your reception? Why or why not?
We’re doing a bouquet toss, but Mr. FC’s not familiar with the garter toss because it’s not done in Swiss land, and he doesn’t like the idea of anyone seeing my garter but him… so flowers only for us!
I still think it’s nice to do the traditional things at weddings. It does make them special when they mean something to you and your family. Maybe if we had more of a younger crowd or a bigger crowd and Mr. FC was into the garter toss we’d do both. I do think it’s fun when I see them work well at other weddings.
We’re skipping the tosses - the mister is one of the last of his friends to get married (he’s 7 years older than me), so everyone’s kinda over it at this point — and there aren’t even that many single people left! I think we might do the thing where we have all the married couples dance and I give my bouquet to the longest-married couple remaining. I think it’s sweet 
And definitely agree that you should go for whatever traditions you guys like - the fact that you are deciding to include those traditional elements is what MAKES it personal, in my view!
Of all the weddings we have attended together, I’ve NEVER seen any of our friends excitedly run up to catch the bouquet/garter. So, we’ll probably skip it.
I think it’s great to pick and choose which traditions excite you or are meaningful to you - that IS personalizing it (as well as coming up with crazy new ideas)!
We aren’t doing tosses but mainly because we’re almost 30, many of our friends are already married or at least coupled up, and we’ve been through the wedding circuit soooo many times that everyone seems weary of them.
Well, we are both in our 30’s and amongst the last of our friends to marry. Honestly, by the time I was 29, I was a bit over the DJ calling all the brides’ friends out and THAT was several years ago. My single friends now would definitely not want to come out so we are skipping it. If I had married a decade ago, you bet I would have wanted to do this!
I’m planning on doing the tosses- at least the flowers- I think of the picture of my mom tossing hers and I also like the tradition and thought that my wedding is linked to past weddings. I’m thumbs up! “What’s old is new again!”
I was considering doing a veil toss, which is something Polish brides do, but I am not sure I want to part with my veil like that.
Mr. P wants this, so we’re doing them, but I am not looking forward to it. Hopefully I’ll be eating my words in 4 months, but it is not something I enjoy as a guest.
We’re doing the bouquet toss only. For the simple reson either of us have never ever heard of the garter toss before coming on Weddingbee! Neither are very British- I’ve never seen or heard of a British bride do the bouquet toss but something I’d love to do based on all the American wedding films I’ve seen over the years! I think it’ll be fun so why not?! Some things, I think, are tradition for a reason.
We’re doing both. Of course, we also have several friends who are in relationships who probably wouldn’t mind being able to tease their SO’s later.
Doing what you like IS personal–so you should do it.
I have never liked being pointed out as a single girl or people teasing my boyfriend that he’s next because I caught the bouquet so that is one reason we aren’t doing it. But also because we are 30/32 yrs old and there will be a total of about 6 people there who aren’t married (out of 130!)
We skipped the garter but did the bouquet toss. Have fun!!!
We will prob end up on doing a bouquet toss. Mainly because I am too lazy to go get a garter.
I’m glad you have a crowd that’s conducive to the tosses! We were in the opposite situation where the majority of our guests were married or in serious relationships, so we ended up skipping them both.
we considered doing both tosses, but the single women really out number the single guys. so we are only doing the bouquet.
my future inlaws also just went to a friend’s wedding and they reminded us about how uncomfortable the garter toss can be… my future MIL also described it as “kinda sleazy”…
IDK
Reading the responses above, it seems like the boys are, in general, more excited about this than the ladies are. Its that way for my FI and I too. I’d always just assumed that we’d do both until I really starting wedding planning and actually thought about it and decided that I’m really not interested in it at all. However, my fiance almost threw a fit when I broached the topic of skipping this tradition, so if it’s really important to him, I suppose its a compromisable topic.
We’re not doing any tosses. I’ve never been to a wedding where the single ladies where psyched to jostle for the bouquet.
As someone who is finally engaged at 35, I have sat through my share of bouquet tosses; no matter how well-intentioned it is, it is no fun for single girls (at least for those who really want to be married): it puts them in the position of either scrambling pathetically for the bouquet or hiding in a corner until it’s done. Some traditions are nice; some are cruel. Why take the chance that it will make some people uncomfortable?
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Mrs. Snow Cone, Pittsburgh/Johnstown, PA Age and Occupation: 23, Public Health Graduate Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Engineer Engagement Date: April 9, 2010 Wedding Date: August 2011 Venue: OMOS Church ceremony/Sunnehanna Country Club reception About Me: I’m one of the lucky ones---I met my future husband at the ripe old age of 13, started dating him as a mature woman of 15, and have been enjoying the ride ever since. Here we are, 8 years later, living in Pittsburgh, planning a "homestination" wedding in the place our school romance began---Johnstown, PA. I thrive on talking a mile a minute, eating my weight in chocolate, and internet shopping. I love a lengthy to-do list almost as much as I love a healthy amount of chaos in my life. Mr. Snow Cone and I watch countless episodes of Friends and The West Wing on repeat, root for rival college sports teams, and make each other laugh each and every day. We’re putting together a small-town wedding with a big personality and a classically modern (or modernly classic?) look for 250 of our closest family and friends. It’s been 8+ years in the making, and sometimes I still can’t believe I’m finally getting to marry my high school sweetheart!
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