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Holy MOLY, Mama FC hath unleashed a fiery email about her problems with our invitation wording and she is not a happy camper.
Image via Fair Fax Underground
She wrote that we have written “nothing beautiful” in Portuguese or German, and we make it seem like she is a guest at the wedding. Ugh…culture clash. She IS a guest. Technically with my parents hosting, Mr. Funnel Cake and I are guests of honor at the wedding as well! It’s not a bad thing!
But now she is sending us examples of wedding invitations—”proper” ones—and giving us tips on how we can lay the invitation out, how many pieces to include, back and front, etc. I am all for trying to rewrite it so that Mama FC is not so upset, but my design ears are shuddering at the thought of someone telling us how to design our invitation. That is exactly what Mr. Funnel Cake and I do not want.
Dear God, this is not what I want our wedding invitation to look like.
SO Brazilian, and so opposite the Swiss graphic design style we are aiming for. To me, this style of invitation is simply not flattering.
This is Mama and Papa FC’s wedding invite.
I’ve actually always liked the above invite because it is very simple (Swiss!), and since they seem to think this is OK, we just may copy it. But we still have to change the text because Mr. Funnel Cake is moaning that in both languages it sounds like it was written in the dark ages. Someone is always unhappy!
Mama FC even suggested again that we just email the Brazilian relatives a Portuguese-only invitation, which makes Mr. Funnel Cake sad because sending print invitations to everyone is important to him. Otherwise *I* would have opted for emailing everyone…but my mother thinks print invitations are important as well. Still, Mama FC is right—email IS cheaper!
Image via .Teched / Edited by me
So here we have people raised in Brazil, Switzerland, and the U.S., and they all have different ideas and customs about how a wedding should be done. It’s so difficult to try and explain your own customs sometimes. Both of our parents can press what is “mandatory” in their eyes, and sometimes it is just downright upsetting that parents cannot be more compromising or understanding.
Mr. Funnel Cake and I both “get” that we were raised in different languages and cultures and that sometimes we have completely different reactions and expectations. We understand there is some clashing and always try to find ways to work it out. Maybe the older generation is more set in their ways, but we seem to have a lot more difficult time convincing our parents (Mama FC specifically) to bend a little this way and that.
At least my mother is pretty open and fine with whatever we end up doing for these invites. If we ever get them written, I can design them and print them!
Did any of your parents have clashes over what is “traditionally correct”? How did you solve your issues?
**Images personal unless noted**
My mother didn’t even want her and my dad’s names on the invitations (thought it was embarrasing! They are paying after all!)
Good luck with what you decide but have to say, I think it would be a bit unfair to e-mail the Brazilian contingent, but send printed invitations to the Swiss side!!
This is a toughie, let us know how you deal with it!
If you include clashing over “traditional” vs “us (aka NON-traditional in practically every way possible)”? Ummmmm…. yes?
I haven’t shown ANYONE in the families the invites. Our bestest friends? YES! And they loved ‘em. They laughed and then promptly completed the lines according to the movie I stole it from! LOL!
There is NO doubt both sets of parents will disapprove of the wording, but oh, well. We’ve taken the stance “It’s OUR wedding, NOT yours, so deal with it.”
Of course, we’ve also been married before, my parents went to the Justice of the Peace, and his parents are strict Mormons. So it makes for an interesting combination, lol.
We DIYed our invitations so that it was double sided, English on one and Chinese on the other. I tried to translate the English side to Chinese because I wanted to maintain the same phrasing. It turned out horrible and did not sound right. Like with anything else when you are talking in English to another language the translation is not direct. At the end I just let my brother reword the Chinese side.
The English side was laid out left to right horizontal like the english language. However the chinese side was laid out top to bottom, right to left the traditional Chinese way.
All our guests loved the fact that we had a dual sided dual language invite. Even though the non Chinese had NO idea what the Chinese side said! Hehe.
Anyhoo, is a dual sided dual language invite an option for you?
my parents quite recently got divorced, and my dad even more recently got remarried so the invitations we a touchy subject. plus mr. c’s parents are paying for 1/2 the wedding, mom and i are splitting the rest and my dad is paying for the rehersal dinner. yikes! we opted to skip all the drama and went with a “together with our parents”.
sounds like you are going to end up designing 3 different invites to fit the 3 different cultures.
I am sure whatever you do will be beautiful! 
This sounds like a headache. Hopefully everyone involved can work together and create something to make everyone happy, otherwise, print them and tell them its too late to make changes. 
Ugh, how frustrating! I was going to suggest the same as Gerbera and say you should have a double sided invite.
On the difficult people front…My mother was being slightly difficult about my choices and my planner told me to tell her she gets to have 3 things and that’s it! Maybe you could play the “rule of three” card with Mama FC? It totally worked with my mama.
Like MissWaffle we did the “what are you top 3 things you MUST have at the wedding. ” with both sets of parents. Totally worked and has made life easier.
But yea, the wording was a big deal for us as well, as the wedding costs are being split 3 ways (his, mine, and ours), but both moms want their names on the invitation. But since we are all hosting, it just looks weird to my eyes the ‘correct’ way to address the invite.
I’m debating just emailing everyone as well.
Tell her if she wants to send out her own invitations, she can buy, design, and send them. Otherwise, you will just be doing them your way!
:o)
Seeing as the wedding is in Ohio, and she isn’t paying for anything… don’t you think you should be allowed to go with the American tradition? If the wedding was elsewhere, then that’s different. You can have other nods to tradition in the wedding, but your parents deserve the credit so they can receive the thanks from guests.
How frustrating. I hope you guys can come to some conclusion that makes everyone feel a tiny bit appeased. Luckily my MIL didn’t cause a big ruckus over anything, but I know I would have wanted to make her happy if she had. See, this is why planning weddings is sometimes really NOT fun. Good luck FC!
I guess I am a more stubborn bee(tch) than a lot of others. The way it was worded was the way we chose. We showed it to booth sets of parents, but they aren’t the ones getting married and so we had final say, end of discussion. If you pull back and look at the big picture, none of the guests gives a rat’s patoot what the invitation wording is so long as all the pertinent information is there. Most people are going to THROW THEM AWAY. Remind the squabbling parents of this fact!
Sorry to hear about the problem with your FMIL. Mine is also from a different culture than I am and has very different expectations of how a daughter-in-law should act. It is a huge struggle but the only thing you can do is get your fiance involved–mine has to explain on a regular basis why I cannot (he leaves out the will not part) call her every day and every time his mother says something rude to me, he confronts her (although he’ll also tell me if he thinks I am overreacting).
As for the invitations, we didn’t experience a clash exactly because we wanted many aspects of the Mexican style invitations, but here’s how we handled it so that it wouldn’t be too cluttered: first, we chose to use a simplified version of the Mexican layout (which is similar to the portuguese you show); it had both sets of parents names (even though his parents are not contributing the the wedding and mine are only giving a little) but beyond that it was traditional, simple U.S.-Catholic wording. We then translated it into Spanish (not a direct translation, but simplified compared to the traditional Mexican invite so it would look parallel to the English) and had the English printed on one panel and the Spanish on another so when you opened the invitation, you saw both, but they weren’t competing against one another. Then we had a vellum insert made with the invitation translated into Italian (only a few guests are from Italy; English and Spanish will be the dominant languages at the wedding); for the Italian we used the same layout as the other languages even though it was quite a bit different than a traditional Italian invitation (which would require putting everyone’s addresses on the invitation). Our inserts were only in English since everyone knows at least basic English or has family members who do.
Good luck!
Can you just send different invitations to each group, with the American one following American tradition, the Brazilian one following Brazilian tradition, etc.?
Honestly, you are not going to please everyone. It’s just not possible. I would continue to design the invitations the way you guys want them and word them the way you like as well. At the end of the day you want to be happy with your invitations…. it’s YOUR wedding! If you share too much to early, people tend to overshare. If you make them, love them and send them, I think you will get a greater outpouring of joy than anything.
I am kind of with some of the other girls though… anyway to ask each set of parents for a choice phrase or something that they would like to incorporate and maybe compromise that it will be a part of the wedding ceremony or reception or program, etc.? That may make them feel more a part of it if they are feeling left out now?
My mother sees me as so non-traditional that I think she’d be surprised beyond belief if I used any type of traditional invitation wording. Navigating those cultural differences are really complicated, though, and I commend you for having those tough conversations with all the people who love and care about you. Hopefully, after the wedding is said and done, all people will remember is your love and happiness - not the wording of the invitation.
Can you do two different versions?
The biggest clashes with my family are pretty small. They believe in ‘adult only’ weddings. We believe weddings are for families, since a new one is being created. They drink. We generally don’t.
So we’ll have kids and alcohol. Nice combination, eh? We’ll be fine….
We didn’t have many issues with traditions among our families. So far….
Amen! We didn’t have any issues with our destination wedding because it was already nontraditional but for the at-home reception…. lets just say I was pretty sure there was going to be a brawl a couple times. *sigh*
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Mrs. Funnel Cake, Zürich, Switzerland/Columbus, Ohio Age and Occupation: 24, Visual Communication Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Application Engineer Engagement Date: May 30, 2010 Wedding Date: October 2011 Venue: Catholic church followed by a botanical conservatory About Me: I'm an American designer who moved to Switzerland for love after a fairytale beginning at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I love travel, photography, museums, learning German so I can speak with my mother-in-law, cooking (eating), cuddling, and I'm not afraid to try something new even if it terrifies me. My Swiss/Brazilian man and I are both down to earth people planning a traditional Catholic wedding in my hometown with some quirky cultural exceptions to reflect our different backgrounds. We look forward to celebrating with friends and family from all over the world in a classic, sophisticated fusion of heritage and love.
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