Weddingbee Blog

Our marriage-preparation class was helpful in making us take a constructive look at our relationship, and I hope we remember to use some of the techniques in the future. Two of my favourites were “appreciations” and “pinches.”

Appreciations:

1. Sit down face-to-face with your partner. Holding hands, touching knees, or some form of contact is helpful.

2. Tell your partner something you appreciate about them. Not just a compliment like “You are pretty.”

For example: “Mr. Funnel Cake, I appreciated when you bought those nose strips the other day because it showed that you care about the quality of my sleep and you want to help make sure I get a good night’s rest. Yes, I know they didn’t really help your loud breathing, but the fact that you went out to the store to buy them on the way home was a really thoughtful gesture and it made me feel cared for.”

3. Another good practice is to have your partner repeat back to you in their own words what they heard.

I.e., “Miss Funnel Cake, I understand you appreciate when I try to make it easier for you to sleep. I’m glad you are aware I am trying to help because I care about you feeling rested.”

4. Repeat as often as you like.

Crab via Foobooz / Edited by me

Pinches:

1. Similar to appreciations, sit down and face your partner. It might be a good idea to start with an appreciation to remind your partner that you love them. (This is not a break-up talk, after all, so don’t make it feel like one!)

2. Now tell them a “pinch”: something they do that is bothering you slightly. Don’t elaborate too much or delve into past arguments. Revealing pinches can sometimes divert larger arguments later if you do it right.

For example: “Mr. FC, of course I love when you shower and come out all fresh smelling, but when you leave your towels on the floor it bothers me a little. I don’t want to feel like your mother picking up after you. Can you please try to remember to put the towels back on the towel bar?”

3. Now again your partner can repeat what they hear.

I.e., “Miss FC, I understand that you don’t like it when I leave my towel on the floor after I shower. I will try to remember about putting it back on the towel bar, and if I don’t, please remind me! It’s just something I forget when I’m in a hurry.”

4. Repeat as necessary, but remember to do lots of appreciations as well!

Appreciations are important because they help us acknowledge how grateful we are to have our partners. You might believe he takes it for granted that you cook healthy meals for him, but he might just not think to voice his appreciation.

Also, keep in mind with pinches it is not always important to have someone say “sorry” or promise that they will stop doing something. Sometimes it is just important to actually let your partner know that something they are doing is bothering you and have them reiterate that they understand and are listening to the fact that you have an issue, whether it is as menial as bathroom towels or something a bit bigger. Just voicing the problem can sometimes be enough to solve an issue.

By addressing small problems (or pinches) when they come up and remembering to let each other know we are loved and appreciated, we can hopefully avoid most big problems. Remember that communication and listening are some of the most important things for a healthy marriage! (As well as hawt steamy love. Oh yeah, I had to go there.)

What are some pinches and appreciations you’d like to talk to your partner about?