- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee Blog
I have shared previously that my parents are going through a very long and ugly divorce. And despite our best efforts, Mr. Pony and I are pretty much in the middle of it all.
The other day, I definitely felt that we were “in the middle of it all.” My parents are trying finalize their divorce, which means they are dividing up their massive amount of stuff, which is conveniently located where we are residing. (Please note the sarcasm.)
Seeing the epicenter of divorce lately reminds me of something I believe has a huge impact on my personal happiness as well as the health of my relationships:
Happiness is more than an emotion, it is a choice.
I know that situations are often more complex and emotionally driven to boil them down to a simplistic mantra, but I truly believe that the first step to living a happy life is making the conscious choice to be happy.
Sometimes, there are not a lot of things to be happy about in life. In those times choosing to be happy seems more like a burden or a lie, but it is something I choose because its worthwhile when I see and feel the effect it has on my everyday demeanor.
Choosing to be happy not only includes being accountable for my emotions, but also freeing myself from debilitating negative thoughts. Instead, I spend more time focusing on the things in life that make me happy instead of waiting around for something to come along and make me happy.
Sometimes, choosing to be happy requires more than just making a mental commitment. Sometimes it requires taking corrective action. This doesn’t mean drastic changes (although in some cases it does), but it can mean doing little things every day to elevate your mood.
There are many little ways I choose to be happy in my life every day. I choose to take a certain route to work because there are less stupid drivers to irritate me. I choose to watch copious amounts of TV to laugh every day. I choose to rock out to songs in my car. I choose to never take myself too seriously. And I try as much as possible to not let others’ negativity affect my day.
This does not mean I live life in a happy cloud, immune from negative thoughts and unhappy days. But it does mean I try to keep them to a minimum. And it means I try to avoid those negative situations (like with the divorce) if at all possible and learn from them when I can’t avoid them completely.
With my parents, I’ve seen how choosing to be unhappy can cause relationships to deteriorate, personal progress to stop, and unhappiness to flourish. Most importantly, I see that blaming other people doesn’t make problems disappear and is unlikely to lead to any sort of true happiness in life.
By making these choices and keeping these things in mind, I hope to become a happier, healthier person in life and a pleasant, supportive partner to Mr. Pony.
So, what are your thoughts? Do you think happiness is a choice? Or do you think I am just talking crap? What little things do you do to be happy every day?
I totally agree! Well stated. Happiness IS a choice. At times, I find myself getting irked at little things my husband does [or doesn't do] around the house and then I stop, and think to myself, “wait a minute. This is super petty. Why am I letting this upset me? It’s not worth it!” More people should consciously choose happiness. What a world it would be!
I totally agree with you! Marriages fall apart when people stop trying. I understand what you are going through. My parents went through a very ugly divorce about 3 years ago now and its definitely not easy or fair when you are put in the middle. I looked at my parents failed marriage and realized things that I didn’t want to happen in my own. Keep your chin up, eventually it gets easier and you gradually will be pushed out of the middle.
Love this post–I completely agree.
My much older sister has been married for 15 years and she told me that sometimes you’ll go through a rough patch and you have to choose to love your husband and choose to be happy. She told me to keep choosing that–even if it’s hard some days–and we will be happy.
Great post! If more people lived like this there would be a little less negativety in the world
For the most part, I agree with what you are saying. Realizing I could choose to be happy made a big difference in the way I live my life.
As someone who has suffered from anxiety and depression in the past, I would however like to make a cautionary point that for people suffering from mental illness, choosing to be happy is not always possible (or at least a lot more difficult).
Still, I love your post and the reminder to us all!
I think happiness is most DEFINITELY a choice, with a few key exceptions. I’m a big believer in mind over matter with a lot of obstacles, mood included.
Completely agree with you Pony!
You can’t always change your situtation, but you can always change your attitude.
When you view happiness as a choice, it is easier to find your way back to it when bad things happen. Choosing to be happy is much more difficult and more scary than wallowing in misery… when I was younger, my attitude was “Why bother being optimistic; if I am pessimistic all the time, then nothing could ever disappoint me and good things will just be a pleasant surprise.” When you view the world that way, it’s scary to start choosing to be happy because you can get disappointed and hurt. But, the world is a much better place when you choose to view it as beautiful. My general philosophy at this point is that you can’t choose the shit that life throws at you, but you can choose how you react to it. There are some situations you just can’t choose your way out of. But if you are accustomed to being happy, once the situation boils over, you can eventually find your way back.
Agreed! Happiness is a matter of attitude, which totally impacts how you live your life! Great post Pony!
Truer words could not be said.
My FI says this to me OFTEN (usually when he’s chewing me out, lol). And, it is VERY true.
You can either choose to be unhappy and dwell on it, or you can choose to be HAPPY and move on. (paraphrased VERY crappily, lol).
Of course, there are also other “mantras” that I love, but this is definitely one of the best. 
good luck with dealing with your parents’ divorce. Hopefully you and Mr. Pony won’t be stuck in the middle for too long.
Totally agree. Great post and thanks for reminding me. I needed it today.
I concur!
I think another major way to promote happiness within is to hang out with positive and happy people. I’m not saying to shun unhappy family members (they are family, afterall), but if you make an effort to surround yourself with friends that are generally optimistic, you’ll be amazed by how much that optimism will start to rub off on you. It’s especially important to make friends with couples that are in happy, healthy relationships. I’ve found that Mr. Bunting and I will get in arguments if we hang out with another couple that argues a lot, because we’re picking up on that negativity. But if we hang out with a couple that acts lovingly toward themselves and each other, then it’s easier to embrace that positive energy ourselves.
I have to disagree; happiness is NOT a choice. Being positive is a choice, being hopeful is a choice, recognizing small fortune is a choice.
Throwing a statement like “happiness is a choice” in the face of someone struggling with a deep and dibiltating depression is an awful and harmful thing to do. I’ve decided to go anonymous for this comment because I don’t really want anyone to know I have struggle every morning to just get out of bed, to find a reason every day to keep on going. It’s a horrible thing to have someone that supposedly loves you tell you that you could just choose to be happy, and even worse when, day after day, it doesn’t work. Heaping more personal inadequacies on a person already feeling worthless is not helpful.
Semantics are very important. I recognize that choosing to look for the positive aspects of a situation is much better for me, and I do what I can to avoid little irritations. Very few people choose despair or unhappiness.
That’s ABSOLUTELY true. Happiness is a choice, pure and simple.
You can see folks who do the opposite over and over, and you can see how it has impacted their lives. I call it “revisiting their favorite miserable place.”
Great post, I definitely agree! I would recommend The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin for anyone who wants practical steps and tips on choosing to be happy every day. I read it and I really liked it!
Agreed!! I believe a lot of feelings are a choice. I can choose to be horrendously angry while I sit in rush hour traffic every night, or I can put on the classical music radio station, zone out, and take that time to enjoy the only time I get to be alone all day.
@Anon:
But you do it. That’s the fact. You choose to get up every day and find that reason for getting out of bed. It isn’t easy, whether you are a person with clinical depression or a person who does not normally have depression but who is facing crippling grief. But you find that reason to get out of bed, and you do it. My mother told me that when her mother passed away unexpectedly, all she wanted to do was lay in bed and grieve. But she had four babies to take care of, so she couldn’t do that, and she had to use every ounce of strength she had to get up and do the things that she needed to do.
I respectfully disagree that people don’t choose unhappiness. One of my good friends chooses to wallow in self pity rather than work to make himself a better person. It’s frustrating to be around people like that. He doesn’t have clinical depression, he would just rather complain than suck it up and solve things. That’s the difference most people here are talking about… choosing to be negative, or choosing to be positive.
I love reading a post like this on the very day where I need to hear it because I am being grumpy. Thanks Miss Pony!
Definitely agree - sometimes unhappiness is unavoidable, like when people around you choose to be unhappy, but so often you can create your own destiny. I think something about choosing to be happy would be awesome to include in vows!
I do think happiness is a choice. One thing I do to help create a happy home environment is refrain from complaining about work when I get home. We open up the doors and windows to get some fresh air coming through the house when we get home from work and while we cook and eat dinner. Fresh air is always beneficial!
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Mrs. Pony, Bloomington, IL Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney Fiance's Age and Occupation: 34, Attorney Engagement Date: March 22, 2010 Wedding Date: September 2011 Venue: Mackinaw Valley Vineyard; Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts About Me: I found my Southern counterpart in law school and since he popped the question last March, we have been busy graduating, job searching, bar taking, and wedding planning. My loves include must see TV, magnets, quotes, anything green, my car, fun socks, the Cubs, and my Mr. Together we love wine, playing outside, and exploring the world together. Stay tuned to see our Midwest wedding full of Southern charm, vintage flair, lots of DIY details, and a whole lot o’ wine.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 29 | 30 | 31 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
Latest Gallery Pics