Weddingbee Blog

(And that’s “Plan Zed,” by the way, because Mr. Funnel Cake came up with it and he doesn’t say “zee.”)

Here’s how it started.

After we shared our first, very romantic kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower, our relationship progressed like any other tricultural long-distance relationship. I went back home to America feeling completely lost and alone in my homeland, and Mr. Funnel Cake went on a motorcycle trip to Croatia with his graduating classmates. (Again, what a boring engineer.)

Mr. FC in the yellow vest, second from the right

During the summer we wrote each other love letters and sent packages, and I searched like a madwoman to figure out how to get myself a visa and a job in Switzerland. I soon learned about au pair jobs, and began searching for a family close by Mr. Funnel Cake. The job would provide free language courses, and I would have lots of spare time to search for design jobs, so without any hesitation whatsoever, I found myself a family and planned to move in with them by November 2008 when my visa was accepted.

I would live here.

After nearly four months had passed since our time in Paris, Mr. Funnel Cake booked a flight to Columbus to meet my family, help me move things to Switzerland, and visit with me. My mother kept asking why this boy would want to visit me from Switzerland, and I just told her it was because he wanted to spend time with me. It wasn’t until after Mr. FC came that my mother surmised that we were “going together,” and she could tell because mothers have this intuition.

I guess we just looked like we were in love?

I happily moved to Rümlang, Switzerland on November 6, 2008. I had a visa valid for one year, and I planned to find a job well before then. Now, being an au pair is odd. You live in your employer’s house with a family that is not your own as a pseudo daughter/sister. I found it profoundly weird. For me, it was a means to an end.

My room in the basement—IKEA heaven

My host family was OK, but after only two weeks my host mother confessed that she was applying for jobs in Singapore and would move there as soon as possible if she landed one. Enter mass amounts of stress and panic. I had just gotten to Switzerland and started officially dating Mr. Funnel Cake. I started my design-job search immediately, but for the next six months I was plagued with a constant fear that I would be jobless, deported, and separated from Mr. FC. I would lie awake at night panicking about what I would do if I didn’t figure something out to stay with him.

One day in the early spring of 2009, Mr. Funnel Cake and I went on a walk in Winterthur where he was living. We walked up a little hill with a view over the town and, while we were sitting there, we started discussing my future plans in the brisk weather.

Plan A was being an au pair, which was currently underway (maximum 12-month stint).

Plan B was finding a job that would grant me a residence permit (coincidentally they are called “B permits”).

Plan C was think about grad school, which had a big roadblock of needing to prove you have around $25,000 in your bank account to sustain yourself as a student. We were even discussing whether Mr. FC’s father could place some money in and out of my account to help prove that I had the funds if we chose that route.

Plan D was to keep being an au pair with another family if mine skipped town, but the thought of finding another mediocre or worse family with a new set of dramas, and the likelihood of still needing to leave the country for a few months while I found a new family to work for, was not very appealing.

Mr. FC liked to mention “Plan L” a lot. Plan L was to get an L permit, often known as “the prostitute permit,” because prostitutes from abroad are usually given 18-month temporary permits. (And fairly easily, too, so if you’re interested don’t hesitate.) Now, most temporary permits in Switzerland are “L” class, but Mr. FC thought he was so funny every time he suggested this solution. Har har, Mr. FC. Sure you can hire me as your personal prostitute, as long as you give me a residence permit as well!

We hashed through all of these plans when Mr Funnel Cake said to me, “Maybe we should think about Plan Z.” I got a little nervous. What was Plan Z?

Mr. FC explained that maybe…MAYBE we should think about the possibility that in order for me to stay in Switzerland, we should get married in front of the law…GASP. Did he just say that? Wait, did he just ask me to marry him? Should I tell my family?! My mind was racing.

We both admitted that we we were uncomfortable with the thought of marrying after only a few months of dating in the same city. We pragmatically discussed how it would make sense to get married legally for the residence permit, but not disclose to our families that we were marrying until we married officially in the church later. We are both Catholic, after all. I had been thinking about this option for a while, but I didn’t want to put any pressure on Mr. FC about marriage unless it was something he wanted, so I was really happy we had the same feelings about how to approach it in our situation.

“But this is Plan Z,” stressed Mr. Funnel Cake. “We only do it if it’s the LAST option.” OK, I nodded (and secretly got really excited). Zomg! This boy wanted to marry me at some point—woohoo!

We started our walk back down to the house, and I was glowing in the fresh air. When I went to sleep that night, I felt safe. Deep down, I knew that Mr. Funnel Cake was there for me, and he would protect me from everything threatening to keep us apart. I wasn’t sure if we would actually need to use Plan Z, but I was comforted just knowing we had a plan.

Did you ever experience a feeling of security like this from your partner before you got engaged? Honestly, did anyone else need a “plan” to get married to physically stay together?

Need to catch up?

Our Story: Part I

Our Story: Part II

Our Story: Part III

Our Story: Part IV

Our Story: Part V

Our Story: Part VI

Our Story: Part VII