Weddingbee Blog

Today is our third wedding anniversary! We marked the occasion with a trip to Mendocino a couple weekends ago.

It’s been a long road and so much time has passed since we first met! For reference, the first gift Mr. Penguin ever gave me was a Discman and an *NSYNC CD. Discman! *NSYNC! CD!

I always joke that snagging and marrying my husband was one of my greatest feats. I foolishly thought that the year we got married would mark the peak of my love for my husband. We were very much in love then—and to finally marry my husband, a (weird?) goal that I had set out to achieve in 2001 (I’m goal oriented, dudes), and accomplished in 2008. We did it. We got married. I win.

But I was wrong. Love does really grow, year after year. My experiences become “our” experiences. Every kiss is one kiss closer to infinity kisses with the same man, every day.

There is a lot of satisfaction in contentment. Our marriage isn’t one of turbulence; we don’t experience incredible highs and crushing lows. Mr Peng is the bright spot in my day. When he rings the doorbell when he gets home (he does it for the dog) what he doesn’t realize is that I too get a rush of adrenaline when I hear it ring. Billie starts wagging her tail and whining, but I too get a flush in my cheeks knowing he’s home.

I’m 30 this year, three years married. Age 30 marks the age that we’d anticipated having the real discussion about starting to have kids. But the desire hasn’t rushed over me yet. There’s a lot of guilt in that.

We know we want to have a kid, but not now. And scarily, maybe we’ll never be ready. That wave of emotion that I know couples feel when all they desire in life is to have a child—we don’t know if we’ll ever get there. I secretly pray that my husband will, and we’ll start trying, just because he’s ready. But we’re not. It feels…selfish.

It’s one thing if you’ve made the conscious decision that you won’t have children. But it’s another when you know you probably will, eventually, but in this moment, you realize that it’s the farthest thing from what you want in your life.

I don’t see a child in my future in the next five years. But, I know one will probably enter the picture in that time frame.

It makes me feel a little bit sad to know that that doesn’t excite me in the least. It sounds tiring. It sounds like the first major challenge our marriage will face. A challenge that will be dotted with joy and love, of course, but one that will also involve sleepless nights and loss of control.

But that’s OK. Because if I’ve learned anything from my 30 years on this earth, it’s that you’re never ready for anything.

I’ve heard it said that people that only talk about how la-la fantastical their marriages are are lying and they’re either 1) delusional or 2) lying to themselves. But I don’t know what to say about that. It’s been three short and wonderful years filled with lots of laughs.

Perhaps we’re a product of our environment; for if it weren’t for our incredibly supportive friends and family, it’s hard to say whether things would have been different or not.

But we’re lucky—surrounded in love. Most often those who take witness to a marriage are asked by the officiant to support the couple along their path, and our people have not failed us in the slightest.

Three years in is still a very short time in the span of marriages, but if I could give you one bit of unsolicited advice for marriage it would be to be frank and vocal about your expectations for your spouse.

Expecting him or her to read your subtle cues forever and ever gets exhausting. You’re married—the time for games has long passed. Be clear about what you want out of your spouse for the day, the week, the month, the year…and ask him or her to be clear with you about what he or she wants.

I think this is something we’ve slowly learned to do over the past years, and something that has smoothed the road of our relationship over and over again.

And so that’s what year three of marriage looks like in our household.

Here’s to a lifetime more!