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My bridal shower is Sunday and I’m super excited, but also pretty nervous.
I feel so lucky that I have an awesome Matron of Honor hosting it for me in her lovely backyard and I can’t wait to spend the day with my favorite girls. At the same time, however, my happy thoughts about the day have been mixed with nervousness over a few issues that keep floating into my mind.
First of all, the thought of opening presents in front of everyone is a little scary. Don’t get my wrong, I definitely don’t mind a little attention focused on me, but it makes me self-conscious thinking about all those eyes on me as I open each gift; I guess it’s mainly because I feel as though I need to make an appropriate comment about each one, and I want to make sure that each person knows how much I appreciate their gift. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, or not say the right thing, or not show enough appreciation, or show too much appreciation that it doesn’t seem genuine, etc. I know money is tight for a lot of people right now & it kind of makes me feel guilty that people have to buy me presents.
Another thing that I’m struggling with is in regards to my mom. You see, for various reasons my mom will not be coming to our wedding. My parents divorced when I was very young and my relationship with my mom has had its ups and downs. It’s not something that I like to talk about so it’s definitely not something I have discussed with Mr. B’s family. I’m not even sure if she’ll be coming to the bridal shower. If she doesn’t show up, I feel like everyone will be wondering where my mom is and I’ll have to either come up with an excuse or explain that apparently she doesn’t care enough to bother. On the flip side, if she does show up, I’m afraid that it will end up being awkward as I’m sure Mr. B’s mom will bring up wedding talk only to discover that she won’t be attending, which will be another whole can of worms. I’m trying my best to not let these things get to me because I do feel so happy that I’m lucky enough to have people that care about me put on a whole afternoon in my honor, but the other thoughts just keep creeping back in.
Anyone else have a difficult relationship with a close family member? How is it affecting you when it comes to your wedding?
i dont usually comment, but feel compelled as i am going thru a similar situation…and at this point it actually looks like no parents from either side are attending our wedding, which makes things hard (feeling-wise) and harder to explain when people inquire. i say, pony up and tell his folks already so everyone is in the know and regardless of what people think, your mom’s decision is her own and shouldnt be reflected negatively on you. best wishes and enjoy the day girl!
Sometimes family situations are sticky. It is your day and keep the focus on you and your soon to be husband. Be honest with your future in- laws. You are not responsible for your mom’s actions.
I feel your pain Miss Balloons…I have a rough situation with my own mother/her partner and then their is the whole Dad’s new partner/my mother factor too…I ended up just having a silly bridal “shower cap” brunch with some girlfriends because I didn’t want to put my husband’s family through the awkwardness of my mother/Dad’s new partner being at the same event, and I couldn’t invite one and not the other. Just make the best of everything and embrace this special time- don’t let other things weigh you down- you are not responsible for the behaviour of others- I’m sure your fiance’s family will understand…I tried to concealed my bad relationship with my Mum for so long…and it all came out after a big fight with her partner- I wish I’d told the inlaws sooner- they were compassionate, supportive and totally in my corner. My mother-in-law told me- “You are not alone. You and [my husband] are starting your own family unit now”. Anyhow, sorry to waffle, but the moral is; try to embrace this great time, and not let other’s negative behaviour affect your enjoyment.
My great-grandparents on both sides decided to not attend my grandparents wedding… They were married for 45 years anyway =). In the end, the day is about you and Mr. Balloons, and you shouldn’t make any decisions that would make either of you feel uncomfortable and not able to focus on what really matters! Oh, I too hate opening presents in front of people! My sister-in-law had a great idea though! Throughout the shower her maid of honor and another bridesmaid opened all of the presents, and then attached a piece of paper to the top of the opened present with the gifter’s name. My SIL then went around and thanked everyone personally and quietly. I thought it was very lovely, and also much more personal than the traditional gift-opening-route.
Tell your future in-laws. They are going to find out and it will be worse if you put your future mother in law in an akward situation that could have been avoided.
I understand - I had a similar situation with my father not attending my wedding, but letting folks know in advance helped. If you don’t want to talk about it with your future in-laws maybe your FI could?
I agree with Courtnee, tell her! What’s the worst that could happen??? As for the bridal shower, I had TWO showers, so twice the staring while opening presents, but I survived! And it was fun! I am the quiet one who doesn’t like much attention, so if I can get through it, you can too! And it gives you practice for your wedding day to have all eyes on you. 
I also rarely comment…but I feel like I want to encourage you to discuss this (even briefly and with very little detail) with your future in-laws. Maybe just a heads up so you can avoid awkwardness in the moment. A little ‘hey…my mom may not show, and I don’t really like to talk about why, but I just didn’t want you guys to be worrying or concerned about this during the shower, because I’m excited and I think it’ll be a lovely day’ or something like that. They will understand, I’m sure! Everybody has family issues of some variety.
I’m sure it’s all worry for no reason if she asks just simply let her no it’s a touchy subject and you will talk about it with her in private.
I know it is easier said than done, but I would focus on your happiness and being surrounded by so many friends and family who love and support you rather than worrying about issues with your mom. If she doesn’t come to the shower and someone asks about her absence, just politely say she won’t be there. A short, but pointed response should quiet any nosy guests.
Oh, I just saw your shower was yesterday, hope you had a great time and avoided any awkwardness!
Thank you all so much for the support, advice, & encouragement. The shower was yesterday & I had a fabulous day! My mom did not end up showing up, but it did give me the chance to let Mr. B’s family know that she wouldn’t be coming to the wedding. They didn’t try to pry into details, they were just supportive & understanding. Opening presents turned out to be not as bad as I expected
Okay So I was looking for shower ideas and found this, I know it is after your shower, but here is my advice for what it is worth. My parents divorced when I was 9 my mother was never involved in my life except for the occasional phone call.
Embrace your mother in law, you will be glad you did, share with her not the nitty gritty but a summary of what you have been through. In the long run you will be hopefull blessed with a relationship that is unlike any other. I talk to my MIL daily, she was in the room when our daughter was born. SHe fills so many roles in my life that were absent for so long. I pray you end up with a good realation ship with your MIL it comes with time, but they can fill the void left by an absent Mom.
Weighing in here. We are not inviting Mr. D’s mother to our wedding. (His step-mom and dad, yes but his natural mother, no). Long story but she has a way of taking other people’s happiness and grinding it underfoot for her own weird pleasure. Seriously. She’s just mean.
We are being careful to ensure that she does not find out about the engagement or impending nuptials at all.
My mom just passed a few months back so I will be leaning heavily on FMIL for support and thank goodness I have her!!
I know its hard but I think you should tell your future in-laws. They will understand and be able to offer you the support that you need to get thru this. It will be uncomfortable to tell them but you will have a huge weight lifted as soon as you do. And you don’t need to get into all the details unless you want to. If it makes it easier, you could even have your FI tell them. Good luck
I’m so happy to hear you had a great time! I had some similar worries. And I’m sorry your mom didn’t attend. I can relate, I have a rough relationship with my dad and I’ve avoided it with my in laws completely. It comes up every once in a while and I respond with whatever I’m comfortable with in that moment. So sometimes it’s more “he couldn’t make it,” and other times it’s something I completely gloss over.
I am so happy to hear you had a great time at your bridal shower. You are starting a whole new life and family on your own and you can make what you want out of it. For various reasons, I am not inviting my dad to my wedding. I haven’t even told him I am engaged and will not tell him about the wedding. I really want our wedding to be without drama (which is also why we aren’t inviting some of my fiance’s family members). No person in their right mind should inquire about your mother’s absence during the wedding. That would just be tacky. And if they do, just say she couldn’t make it, or what ever else you feel like saying. But keep it super short and party on! Your day is going to be so fabulous!
I’m glad to hear you had a wonderful shower and that Mr. B’s family is being so supportive of your difficult situation.
glad to hear that your event went off without a hitch!
Just had to comment because my mom also won’t be attending my wedding or showers. I haven’t spoken to her in five years. I just want to echo what Ollie said about embracing your fmil. Without mine i wouldn’t be able to get anything done. I’ve shared with her what the situation was and she has been super supportive. Now his whole family doesn’t know the deal, so i am super nervous about that but my standard line is “we don’t have a relationship”. I really feel for you b/c i know how hard it is to not have that support from your family.
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Mrs. Balloons, Aspen, CO Age and Occupation: 24, Mass Communications graduate, Web Design student, & winery worker Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Engineer Engagement Date: July 10, 2009 Wedding Date: August 2011 Venue: The Sundeck at The Little Nell About Me: I'm a small-town Midwest girl planning an intimate mountaintop destination wedding complete with a huge DIY at-home reception. As an honors graduate fallen victim to the worst job market in history in my area, we're doing everything we can to still have the wedding of our dreams on a tighter budget. I currently enjoy working at a winery, but I'm lonnng overdue for a day job! I am: a big-time daydreamer, one of the pickiest eaters you'll ever meet, and a lover of pretty paper and awesome fonts. I'm a girly girl who loves to get dolled up, but also a country girl who loves to get muddy and go 4-wheeler riding. I also enjoy singing in the car, boating, going to concerts, the History Channel, carnival food, and going to watch St. Louis Cardinals baseball with my handsome engineer.
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