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I talked previously about how totally awesome my daughter is and how incredibly blessed I feel to have her in my life. As happy as I am to have her, and as proud as I am to be her mom, I will also admit that it has been a bit awkward to be a single mom who’s not really a single mom. Mr. Cannon and I have lived together since we moved to Arizona in 2007, so Cherry Bomb has lived with us as a traditional nuclear family her entire life. But since Mr. Cannon and I aren’t married, there have been a couple of issues for us.
Those early days
Cherry Bomb has been on my insurance since she was born. Cherry Bomb has Mr. Cannon’s last name, but they mistakenly put my last name on her insurance card. This caused some problems that took awhile to get fixed, which was a huge pain because babies go to the doctor for checkups all the time. We also had to make decisions about who would claim her on our taxes. Beyond these admittedly minor-in-the-long-run issues (which could be issues even for married couples with different last names who filed their taxes separately), there are the emotions attached to the whole thing. On one hand, I feel sort of bad about having a child out of wedlock. I’m in no way embarrassed or ashamed of Cherry Bomb, but I just feel weird about the whole thing. Like I know people judge me about it, so it makes me uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with my daughter, but everything to do with how I feel about myself and how I think other people perceive me.
Quite honestly, I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve to have a nice wedding because we already have a kid. I feel like everyone is thinking, “Why are they even bothering to have a wedding? They already have a kid and a life together. Just go to the courthouse.” I feel like I’m wasting money on something selfish and that we should be saving for a house or to send Cherry Bomb to college in 16 years.
This love deserves a wedding, right?
On the other hand, it’s not like a wedding is something you earn through sexual purity. I don’t think we’re all naive enough to believe that all the couples getting married without children are virginal. So why don’t I “deserve” a special day to commemorate joining with the love of my life? And money-wise, we have a pretty small budget that is all cash and we know we can afford. Sure, we could save it for our house, for Cherry Bomb’s future, or even our future, but couldn’t everyone spend their wedding money on something else? Plus, no matter what I do in life, there will always be some judgmental person who has something to say about it. There’s always “that guy.” I can’t let “that guy” dictate my life. So, I’m going to continue with my plans and try not to feel awkwardly bad about it. Try being the operative word. I’m not quite succeeding yet.
Has your wedding made you feel guilty or bad about yourself?
All images personal unless otherwise noted
Hey, screw “that guy!” I think you are ABSOLUTELY entitled to whatever celebration of your marriage you wish - especially since you’re clearly not depriving your daughter of ANYTHING to do it! If anything - it’ll be wonderful for her to look back at your wedding photos and see she had parents who loved each other so much they created a whole day to celebrate it - which she got to be a part of!
Miss Cannon… like you said, not everyone getting married is all innocent and virginal. You deserve a beautiful wedding as much as the next person! I hope you don’t listen to anyone that tells you otherwise! And, Cherry Bomb is so cute, btw!
My twin brother and his wife were just 19 when they got pregnant with my beautiful niece, Rylee. They had been together for 4 years but were not engaged yet. Needless to say, she was 6 months old when they were married. It brings happy tears to my eyes when I see pictures of the 3 of them on that happy day. Their family just looks so happy!! And all of the guests were very excited to take turns holding Rylee during the reception. No one was thinking anything negative about my brother or SIL.
The people at your wedding love you, your FI, and your daughter!! No one else matters. Everyone there will just be so happy to share your day with you and to celebrate your love! If anything, your daughter is a symbol of that love! The way I see it, you are blessed to have such an important little one there to celebrate her parents’ union. It will be such a happy day for all three of you.
You deserve the world! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!!!
My daughter turned 5 yesterday. And I’m having a wedding I’ve always wanted. I’ve cut back alot to cut out expenses. BUT looking back on it now (even with the wedding not having passed yet), I’m glad I already cut out those major (un needed expenses!). And you are right, very few people enter wedlock as “virgins” now. The only difference with us “single moms”, is the fact that we did not abort our children, but chose to be a wonderful mother and parent!!!! That is something you should be PROUD of girl! I felt the same “guilt” as you, and had to deal with my mother saying “just run away and get married”, and I would tell her this is MY life, and MY choice! Please make sure you ENJOY your special day bc you deserve it just as much as ANYONE!
Hell yes, throw the party you want and deserve! Try to put other people’s perceptions out of your mind. You are marrying your fiance, your baby’s father, your love. Celebrate! An awesome party is not selfish, it’s what you deserve.
Eff em. You deserve a pretty party just as much as anyone else 
The end.
I often let other people’s judgements make me feel bad about myself, but we have to remember that that is just wrong! Being a good mother to your sweet daughter is showing her a good role model in yourself, and that doesn’t mean being a perfect mother, we are all human beings, happiness and Love are the most important things we can ask for in life, and if this wedding is going to make you two happy than you should have it and celebrate a beautiful day with your family! No ones perfect and who wants to be anyway! The kind of people who make judgements like that about people are usually the most unhappy people. I hope you have the wedding day of your dreams : )
I can certainly understand where you are coming from, but I am happy you are trying to not feel guilty about it. There is no “right” way to do this relationship stuff. Just because you took a different path to marriage does not mean it is wrong or any less legitimate. I lived with my fiancé before we got engaged and while a lot of his family judged us, we did what we wanted and was best for us.
I’m sorry that people will judge your decisions. Just try your best to ignore them
You know, this may sound weird, but I’m sort of sad I couldn’t be a part of my parents wedding. Cherry Bomb gets to take part in your union and will always know she was a part of that special day. That is something rare and something to be proud of!
You deserve it! In fact, you deserve it more than a lot of people getting married. You’re in a genuine, committed, and loving relationship and that is the real reason to have a wedding.
Miss Cannon, I love all the points you make! You’ve thought this through and it shows. Bravo to you and your family and I hope you are having a blast planning your wedding!
My fiance and I just had a baby in February. We got engaged when I was pregnant. At the time, I thought it would be a very long pregnant. I didn’t feel right about everyone going through all the planning when we already had a child together. There definitely was some guilt. However, now I am getting married in October and I have never been happier! You deserve a wedding just like every woman in love does!! It is 2011, people have children all the time, and you are lucky enough to have one with the man you love! Congratulations, and good luck with you wedding planning
You SO deserve the wedding of your dreams! It is a celebration of your love and commitment and anyone who judges that shouldn’t be invited.
Hm, yep I’m with you on this one. Mama FC tried to make me feel guilty about not doing a religious ceremony at the same time as our quickie civil union (like, what’s the point and why should I be excited she asked) but you gotta do what you want damnit. Have the wedding that love deserves. Don’t feel ashamed for it one bit Miss Cannon!
Miss Cannon, I absolutely adore you and your little family. We seem to have SO much in common.
We get the questions and looks all the time as well, and I say screw ‘em! We are using our wedding as a celebration of our love for one another and the amazing human being that was born out of that love. If people can’t respect that then they shouldn’t be a part of your big day (and probably not your life either).
You deserve that day just as much as anyone else would.
This is 2011, where couples get married and have weddings even when they already have children, where everyone who gets married is not a virgin, and where it’s not how it used to be things happen and they happen for a reason.
So with that being said, incorp. little cherry bomb and have an amazing wedding!
I’m reminded of how a friend of mine explained it when her daughter asked why she was in their wedding pictures. She simply said, “Some people get married and then have a baby. We did it the other way around.” Totally matter of fact, free of shame or judgment. It was perfect.
My fiance and I have been together for 8 1/2 years, and living together for 7 1/2 of those. Now that we’re finally getting married, I’ve had many of the same feelings. Shouldn’t we just hit up the courthouse? We’ve already been “playing married” for a while. And while it’s not much, couldn’t that money be better spent saving to buy a house together or prepare for kids? Surely I can’t rationally set up a wedding registry!
Here’s the deal, though. Just because we met and fell in love ages ago doesn’t mean we decided for forefit our wedding. I’m making some concessions (clearly I’m not going to expect my parents to kick in for this now that I’m in my early 30s and perfectly capable of supporting myself), but there are certain things I’m just not willing to compromise on. No, I’m not going to the courthouse. No, I’m not going to have the reception in my backyard. Yes, I’m wearing a wedding dress.
Ultimately, a wedding isn’t about some sort of lavish party. It’s about two people who are making the legal step of having their names forever entwined, whether on junk mail or Ancestry.com., who have new rights and responsibilities, who want the social acknowledgement that comes with the titles of husband and wife, and will still be there next Christmas, so feel free to combine gifts.
Despite the length of time, it’s still an official commitment and worthy of an “actual wedding.” For the record, there will be a registry; it will just be for a honeymoon, not a toaster.
You so deserve to have the wedding of your dreams, and stuff anyone who thinks otherwise!
This post brings to mind a quote from Little Miss Sunshine - You do what you love and [expletive] all the rest. Do what makes you, Mr. C, and li’l Cherry Bomb the hap-hap-happiest you three can be!
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Mrs. Cannon, Toledo, OH Age and Occupation: 27, Financial Analyst Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Assembler Engagement Date: February 28, 2011 Wedding Date: September 2011 Venue: Epworth UMC & Ward Pavilion About Me: I'm the curious combination of being a go-with-the-flow, laid back, obsessive planner. I try desperately to stay as busy as possible at all times (and am succeeding big time right now!) My biggest loves in life are Law & Order: SVU, Community (the show, not the concept, although I like that, too), ice cream, white cheddar popcorn, beer, hiking, knitting, decorating, writing, being outside, spending time with friends and family and musical theater. Mr. Cannon is pretty sweet, too. We've had a lot of fun traveling and having adventures all over the country, but have finally moved back near our hometown to settle down. We're planning a low-key, colorful, fun wedding and an awesome-to-the-max reception.
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