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So how do you tell a vendor that you’ve decided to go with someone else? The obvious answer is to be honest and polite. But like it or not, honesty isn’t always polite. Especially when you’re on the receiving end. I am just starting to reach out to vendors, and I will have to approach this carefully time and time again, won’t I?
Image via Newyorkette.com / Cartoon by Carolita Johnson
Usually a polite, “Thank you for your time. We’ve decided to go with someone else,” should suffice. Unless a rejected vendor asks for a reason why you rejected them.
It happened to me the other day, and I have yet to respond. It’s a fair question. The email deserves my time and attention, and I need to approach my answer tactfully. I understand why someone would want a reason why they were rejected, but how do I word it? What I want to say is “I really liked your work. That’s why I reached out to you. But I had a feeling about the vendor I chose, so I went with my gut.” But if she’s looking for critique, that won’t be helpful now, will it? Huh? Some girl got some heartburn or somethin’ and that’s why she didn’t choose me? But I guess that’s what it’s going to have to come down to. If talent, creativity, and price are all similar, what else would I have to go with? I went with the one who I had a good feeling about—is that wrong?
Was it hard to turn vendors down? Were you ever asked to explain why you chose one vendor over another?
I think telling them that you had a gut feeling to go with the other vendor would be fine - they had good services, good prices, so it’s nothing personal against them!
I usually did most of my communication with vendors via e-mail which made things easier in terms of telling them we had gone with someone else. I don’t recall if any actually specifically asked for a reason why, but I usually told them the reason I didn’t book them. I figured from a business standpoint if it was something they could improve on, they would want to know about it.
AWKWARD! I guess, though, from their perspective, it’s good they’re asking to see if there’s anything they are doing “wrong” or is off-putting, so I agree with Ashley1001 - just letting them know it wasn’t them is probably the sort of answer they’re looking for? I think.
I’m the worst. I never even told the ‘other photographer’ that we went with someone else. And then she did my friend’s wedding. That I was in. And she recognized me. Cue awkwardness. Yes, I’m a terrible person.
I had only one vendor asked and we didn’t pick them because of the price. I felt bad because I really liked the vendor, but I couldn’t pass up a nice size savings.
@Miss Pony: super awkward! 
@Ashley1001: @ThePinkPeony: They totally deserve to know. But sometime it just feels personal! Glad it’s over now!
I had a photographer go on and on about why I didn’t pick him. His pictures looked nice online BUT they weren’t that great in person and I didn’t know how to word it. I felt bad about that. He was actually cheaper than the lady I went with but I gave him a generic ‘My vision and your vision did not mesh in reality’ or something like that 
One of the photographers asked us why we didn’t go with him (and he’s doing our friends wedding in a few months so we didn’t want it to be awkward). I told him (truthfully) that it wasn’t based on his work, but we just really clicked with the guy we went with. He wrote back saying that he totally understands and it’s almost the most important thing to really click and get along with your wedding photographer… phew! Now hopefully he doesn’t realize we’re paying more than double for the other guy…
Heh… I’d twist the truth a bit and say that I connected more with the other vendor.
I know, I know, I’m a bad person…. but it wouldn’t technically be a lie!!!
I always made sure to tell every vendor I didn’t choose why I didn’t choose them. I know in my line of business, I like to know the same thing. I saw it was professional courtesy, but it was receievd awkwardly once or twice. I would be honest. Tell them you clicked better with the other vendor and that is how you made your decision. You can respect somone’s work yet still decide to go in a different direction. I’m sure they want to know so they know what, if anything, they can do next time to book a prospect.
Marmalade, your choice of words for turning down vendors is spot-on. Perfect.
As a wedding vendor myself, I appreciate knowing if a couple has chosen not to contract with me (leaving me hanging for months feels somehow inconsiderate). And I don’t make a habit of asking the reason why. Clearly, the couple has decided to go with another vendor, and that’s enough closure for me.
Just tell them the truth and don’t worry so much about it.
it’s funny because almost ALWAYS my answer has been “we really like you - and your work, but we just met someone that we really meshed with and that is so important to us, blah, blah, blah” (which has totally been the truth! - ive even referred friends to people we didnt choose when i thought there personalities would be a fit) i have even gotten a couple emails back from vendors saying how sweet we were to send that email and how happy they were to hear that we found someone we liked - then one time it wasn’t that - and i decided to actually tell him why we canceled our meeting - boy that didn’t go well! but truly, if you are going to make a crass comment about same sex couples, when in fact you are fully aware that you are talking to a bride in a same sex relationship, you should understand their reason and not be rude (yet again) eh, no worries on my end though, it just reinforced why we continued our search for someone better!
when i picked my wedding location, i told the other place we had looked that we weren’t going to go with them, and was asked why.
i tried to be honest about it, because i figured they were asking for one of two reasons: 1. to try to one up the other vendor, or 2. to honestly try to learn what people want so they can improve their business. i figured that if it was option 1, well they wouldn’t change my mind so it wouldn’t matter, but if it was option 2 then maybe they would appreciate it if i let them know. so i did. they wrote to me several times afterwards, so it looked to be option 1… but oh well. so it goes! 
So far I have only had one vendor really ask why we didn’t chose them… When I gave her the reason I felt like she was being too personal because she started talking in terms of money and asking more questions which made me very glad that we didn’t go with them.
I sent an e-mail to any vendors whom we met in person and didn’t end up choosing, using pretty much the same wording as you (thanks for your time, but…). Thankfully none asked for a reason why! I think having a gut feeling about a certain vendor is a perfectly legitimate reason to give, though.
I decided against a DJ because I wasn’t digging his promotional materials and reviews. He asked why I didn’t pick him and I felt bad telling him that I just didn’t like his stuff. So I said that we went with a different DJ who had been recommended. Not entirely truthful, but I was basing the decision on reviews.
Nope, I have never felt bad….well, once, actually.
What it comes down to is that you’re shelling out what feels like millions of dollars for photos (and all of the licensing-or lack there of) and food and sounds. When there’s that much money involved, it’s business, not personal.
I did feel bad once when working with bands…my experience has been that they are very pushy and cheesy, which I can’t stand. The leader for Soul Revival is AWESOME, accommodating, not pushy and not cheesy. I would have loved to have become friends with him!! Sadly, their sound wasn’t what we wanted and we went with someone else. Justin didn’t respond when I wrote him the email breaking the news and I did feel a sense of sadness when he didn’t respond at all.
As a sort-of vendor (I dont own the company, but I work for them) I don’t take things personally. It is probably different for say a photographer because their work is so indicative of their personal style/creativity but for a venue or caterer I would say just be honest. You liked someone better! If it is a pricing thing however I would DEFINITELY talk to the vendor and say “look I really like you but this guy is charging me less so I might have to go with him” I bet the vendor can work something out to accommodate
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Mrs. Marmalade, Norwalk, CT/Raleigh, NC Age and Occupation: 27, Administrative Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Army Officer Engagement Date: December 31, 2009 Wedding Date: July 2011 Venue: Old Cadet Chapel/Highlands Country Club About Me: I'm a Tri-State area "lady," through and through. A big chunk of my life has been split between NYC and Connecticut, and I'm finally heading down south to live with Mr. Marmalade. Our long distance relationship has been one adventure after the next, we've spent time in Texas, Louisiana, Florida,and Georgia, thanks to his military career. Next to Mr. Marmalade, my loves include live music, useless trivia, shoes, design, and my crazy half-tiger kitty, Oliver. I have a passion for food and wine, and I've been known to travel long distances to get my hands on the best meals. I come from a tight-knit big fat Greek Ecuadorian family---we're loud, we talk with our hands, and we spend hours talking loudly with our hands over large meals. I'm going to miss them so much as I pack up and begin my life, far away from home. But with Mr. Marmalade by my side, I'm ready to take on whatever may come. Next up: our wedding!
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