Weddingbee Blog

As luck would have it, I didn’t have to wait long to speak with Mr. Marmalade after my outburst. Funny how things work out that way. Sure, I didn’t want to waste the little time we had to speak by going over our wedding, but it couldn’t be avoided. So, he figuratively talked me off a ledge from thousands of miles away. I hung up the phone and tried to process the conversation, which only got me started again; the room began spinning a little, my heart skipped a beat, my brow furrowed (worst habit ever—please please let me break that habit soon).

Saltwater Farm Vineyard—August 2011*

So I talked to some married friends at work. Then I talked to BM Cuz. And when the workday was over, I went over to my aunt’s house and I talked/cried it out with her.

Everyone had the same general conclusion. You need to have the wedding you are planning. You aren’t going overboard. It’s OK to spend money on this. You will tighten your belts again and again, but you will never regret spending money on your wedding.

Chardonnay grapes, Saltwater Farm Vineyard—August 2010*

So, we are not eloping. And here are my conclusions:

1. When it comes to almost everything related to our wedding, I used the word “our.” But when it came to my doubts about spending, I used the word “me.” This “me-fest” had to go. It’s our wedding. If we decided to spend money on OUR wedding, what right do I have to say no on my own? We chose to have a wedding, so any change in plans had to be decided together.
2. A big wedding is something he wanted from the start, more than I did. He wanted to have a day for us to share with our friends and family. He was looking forward to it. He deserved it. So why couldn’t that be enough for me? I think, deep down, once I got past all the panic, the thought of a big wedding grew on me, and I wanted it too.
3. Our wedding day is bigger than us. We will celebrate our union. What I didn’t take the time to think about was how our families felt about it. Contrary to my earlier pessimistic post, this mattered a lot. Our families deserved this just as much as we did.
4. We aren’t going crazy and spending ourselves into debt. Weddings are expensive. There are few that have planned or have been part of a wedding in the past few years that would argue that. We set the budget, and I’ve stuck to it. I had to accept it for what it is and stop being such a cheapskate. Truth be told, I hate spending money. It makes me nervous, but it was time to get over it and stick to our plan.
5. The toughest realization (the one that still hurts), was that our dream wedding venue and our “dream” wedding weren’t in the cards for us. There are way too many factors that go into planning a wedding at a venue that is not all inclusive. My aversion to what I considered to be a “wedding factory” got the best of me, and I was wrong. I needed to keep things simple and consolidate as many vendors as possible so that in the event that Mr. M’s plans change, I’d be able to take it in stride. And to be honest, more than the money or anything—the thought of changing our date and losing our deposits (or worse, losing our vendors) kept me up at night. I’d spent way too long worrying about the worst-case scenario.

So with a very heavy heart, I had to let go of our seaside vineyard.

Saltwater Farm Vineyard—August 2010*

There were still plenty of changes to come for us. But letting go of our original plan was the right thing to do. I don’t know how I would have made it through our long engagement without that peace of mind.

And with that, we were back to the drawing board!

Did you have to make a major change to your wedding plans? What kind of change did you make, and do you feel it was the right choice in the end?

*All images in this post belong to me.