One of These Things Is Not Like the Others

One of These Things Is Not Like the Others

June 27th, 2011 @ 12:11 pm by Mrs. Marmalade
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Maybe it was this song that started it for me. (Lord knows I’ve had an obsession with Sesame Street for as long as I’ve been alive.)

Video via YouTube

Or maybe it’s a classic case of “middle child syndrome,” but for some reason I’ve always felt like I had to be different from my peers. Growing up in a family of three girls (plus a cousin who stayed by my side 24/7), standing out was a daily concern.

I really thought this was behind me—I mean, once I grew up and left home it wasn’t an issue anymore. There wasn’t a need to act different, because I was myself.

So why do I feel like I have to be unique again? Ever since I started planning our wedding, I’ve felt my inner middle child tugging at my sleeve and whispering, “You need to be unique…be different.” It’s starting to get on my nerves.

I’ve started caring about things that really shouldn’t be an issue. Here’s a great example: the color of my bridesmaids’ dresses. I had two rules: no taffeta and no purple. I’ll admit that I don’t really like taffeta, so no issue there. But do I have anything against the color purple? No. Absolutely not. I kind of love purple. But in the last year or so, I’ve been to about four or five weddings that featured purple bridesmaids’ dresses. I just wanted to be different. But now that I’m looking for dresses, I’m beginning to think that purple might be a good choice. There are so many gorgeous dresses! Sue me, I like purple bridesmaids’ dresses! So why can’t I just let go of this whole “different” thing?!

After all, what’s so different about getting married? People get married all the time! But when you look deeper, past the dresses and the flowers and any other design detail, the wedding is different because it’s ours. Because it’s the most important day of our relationship so far. Because it’s the day we get to celebrate our relationship with all our friends and family.

Our friends,our families,our relationship. That’s unique! That’s something that will never be seen again!
So I’m going to try to let it go. And to start me off on the right foot, I’m writing this all down. Please, feel free to call me out when I start to act ridiculous again. Here goes:

I do not care about being different where our wedding is concerned. I don’t care anymore. And when I lose my focus and the “be different” bug creeps back into my life, I’m going to ignore it and do what works for us.

Phew.

Anyone else get bit by the “I need our wedding to be different” bug?

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16 Responses to “One of These Things Is Not Like the Others”

Member

haelmai (message) 232 posts, Helper bee

I totally got bit! (And I LOVE that you used a Sesame Street clip!!!)

6/27/11 @ 12:15 pm (reply)

Member

KCheer (message) 370 posts, Helper bee

I can totally relate - but I agree with you 100% - no two weddings are alike (even if they are in the same venue, with the same colors, etc, etc, etc) It is impossible to have the same wedding as someone else, and really, having a “different/unique” wedding isn’t what is important on the wedding day when it comes down to it. (This is the same pep talk I gave myself during the wedding planning stages too!) Good luck!

6/27/11 @ 12:17 pm (reply)

Member

jmbrick (message) 62 posts, Worker bee

Oh my God! I had the same exact problem with purple bridesmaids dresses. But, then I realized that it’s my favorite color and who cares if everyone else is doing it. I’m doing it for me!!

6/27/11 @ 12:31 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Pony (message) 4,174 posts, Honey bee

I think the desire to have a unique wedding is furthered a lot by the internet, especially blogs. I find myself wanting to do something different and unique all the time, it’s exhausting. As long as you love it, then it will be perfect.

6/27/11 @ 12:34 pm (reply)

Guest

Nicky Jarvis

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the need to be “different” in anything. It’s actually very nice to hear people say that they want to be different instead of just following the trends because it means you’re putting a conscious effort to be unique, to stand out like you’re supposed to. It’s also a very nice (but exhausting) feeling to let out all your creative juices and create something beautiful. It’s very worthwhile.

Good luck to you!

6/27/11 @ 12:36 pm (reply)

Member

ThePinkPeony (message) 264 posts, Helper bee

BIIIIIG time - especially since I am getting married a year after my sister, in the same church and in an extremely similar venue, and people ALREADY think we’re the same person (I mean, we practically are, and we generally love it, but this is MY wedding, and I feel like it has to be different!) But, like you, I’m having to get over it, since I’m realizing, as I start to have to make decisions about color schemes and dresses etc., that we’re pretty d*** (can you curse on the ‘Bee? just in case) similar and it’s OK!! it’ll still be “unique” for the reasons you so eloquently stated!

6/27/11 @ 12:39 pm (reply)

Member

tmaherne (message) 41 posts, Newbee

I started out planning what I thought was a sure-to-stand-out wedding– relaxed, rustic, mismatched bridesmaid dresses, and yes, PURPLE. Then I entered wedding blog world and realized that every “unique” idea I had was totally trending. I’ve since decided I do not care- I love the wedding we are planning, even if it’s SO this season (or last season? Who cares.) My reality check is reminding myself that not all my guests have been following wedding blogs religiously for the last year.

6/27/11 @ 1:40 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Tartlet (message) 3,207 posts, Sugar bee

I was also bitten by the bug as a result of many family weddings that took place in rapid succession after we got engaged. I agree with you that every wedding is unique!

6/27/11 @ 2:07 pm (reply)

Member

kriskros09 (message) 6 posts, Newbee

I have to keep reminding myself that my guests are not reading as many wedding blogs and magazines as I am! Every time I think I have a great new idea I research it and find a whole bunch of other people that did it and then I find I don’t like it as much… but who else would have known about it? As great as it is to be able to research wedding ideas all day I find it makes me double (and triple) guess my decisions!

6/27/11 @ 2:26 pm (reply)

10.

Member

Acorn13 (message) 23 posts, Newbee

That bug constantly bites me! I am the middle child as well and out of 3 girls I am the last to get married and my one sister’s wedding was just last October so I am constantly trying to be different than her wedding. I keep refusing to look at lace wedding dresses because she wore lace, but the more I see the more I realize I love lace! Thanks for this post it made me feel better that I’m not the only one with that voice in her head!

6/27/11 @ 2:41 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Jenlon (message) 287 posts, Helper bee

This totally happened to me… Because my FI and I started dating in August - we then had friends that started dating in the beginning of October and another couple started dating in the end of October. The end of October couple got engaged on New Year’s Eve and got married in May. We got engaged in the end of January and are getting married in the beginning of September. The other couple got engaged in April and are getting married in the end of September.
Those are three weddings very close together, with the same group of friends… I had so many times of crying because I wanted our wedding to be different.
Turns out #1: It’s different because it’s OUR wedding (same conclusion you came to)
and #2: It’s different from the other weddings, but I was somehow under the impression that they were going to be SUPER similar. Not so!
PHEW

6/27/11 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Mrs. Pain au Chocolat (message) 1,698 posts, Bumble bee

I have the “need to be different” complex as well. The upside to it (for me anyway) was that it became the extra push to motivate me. Not that anything I did was terribly original, but in my head, I was happy. I think that’s all that counts. And sanity. So, revised… happy and sane.

6/27/11 @ 6:08 pm (reply)

13.

Member

lawschool bride (message) 296 posts, Helper bee

I totally had this feeling about wedding colors too. Almost everyone I knew who got married had blue. So even though I like blue I decided I would never use it. Unfortunately, its FIs favorite color, and I don’t even have a favorite color, so I thought he should get a say. So …blue it is… though I’m incorporating a lot of brown too, which makes me feel a little better. Other than that, I’m ok with doing things everyone else is doing, as long as I like them and don’t think they’re too trendy and going to look really dated in a few years.

6/27/11 @ 7:56 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Cucumber Sandwich (message) 569 posts, Busy bee

I completely understand what you mean! The worst though is when you think you are being different but then find out that tons of other brides before you had the exact same ‘unique’ idea. I am working on letting go too…. we can work on it together!

6/27/11 @ 10:33 pm (reply)

15.

Member

weddingstars2012 (message) 430 posts, Helper bee

Yeah I have the same issue. I want to be unique and different and have my wedding remembered! Have everybody saying how amazing it was! But I keep just telling myself it’s OUR day and as long as it encompasses us as a couple, then it will be unique and different and as long as we’re happy with the ultimate outcome, that’s the only thing we’re going to remember in the long run. And honestly, even if you have purple bridesmaid dresses like somebody else had, I guarantee nothing else will be the same as that other wedding, so it probably won’t even matter! (I hope that makes sense, it made sense in my mind…lol).

6/28/11 @ 9:34 am (reply)

16.