Weddingbee Blog

The title of this post is definitely tongue-in-cheek, as I love to fall over laughing anytime I hear “Well, my therapist says…” It’s OK for me to fall over laughing, because usually I’m the one who says it. No hate mail please; add it to my religious conversion mail pile.

My ex-fiance was a dillhole, and when I left him, I was somehow super depressed because I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life with that dillhole. The irony of love: pining for jerks. I was “gently nudged” by my parents to see a therapist. A nice lady that is financially obligated to pay undivided attention to me for a solid hour? She sounded just like a hooker, but without the chlamydia… I was intrigued.

I met with my decidedly un-hookerish therapist once a week for months (she wears cardigans and sensible shoes.) Going to therapy was like class.

She lectured, assigned homework, and answered my questions. One of the first things we discussed was how to select a lifelong mate. She talked to me about how vital is that both members of a partnership be individually healthy. Imagine holding hands with your partner. If you are both standing on one foot, you’ll be highly unstable. If one of you is on one foot and the other is on two, you’ll be wobbly but can weather the wobbles for a time. The best is when both members of the partnership are holding hands, standing firm on two feet. However, a person who lives life by standing on one foot often choosees another wobbly person to hold hands with.

In the relationship I had just left, both of us were on one foot. Though my ex-fiance was super, ridiculously unhealthy—I had chosen to put up with it because of my own dysfunction. My therapist told me (ha!) that in a lifelong partnership, two unhealthy people just won’t cut it—at least, not happily or without crazy drama. Marriage is a long, long time to try to balance your world between two wobbly people.

In choosing Bossyboots, I never forgot this. As a relationship tool, this thought is often in my mind… when you take care of yourself, you are also taking care of your partner and your relationship. During therapy, I had a true lightbulb moment—I decided then and there to only give my time to men who took care of themselves, were healthy, and were ready to be a firm, steady partner—so that instead of needing each other, we could steadily hold each other’s hands and actually walk somewhere together. No falling over.

Your turn. What’s the best thing you learned in therapy? And does your therapist wear a cardigan, too? If she wears a ripped miniskirt, you might be confusing her with a hooker, just so you know.