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I know a lot of the other bees have been writing on their name changes lately. I will also be jumping on that topic. I wasn’t really even really thinking about the whole name change thing until I heard this on the radio:
I realized, I don’t know my own last name either. I’m one of those women who always said that they would probably keep their own last name. Why is this?
My self-identity my entire life has been under that name, not to mention any achievement I have accomplished also has that name attached to it. I once had big dreams of becoming a tough lawyer prosecuting cases and putting away bad guys. I planned to do this with my current last name. While my professional dreams have since changed, I was not entirely sure that my ideas about my name had either.
Besides that, when I was younger and exploring my feminist ways, I had a lot of problems with the woman always taking the man’s last name. I couldn’t understand why the man couldn’t take the woman’s last name. When I was 17, one of my older cousins got married and they actually both took his mother’s last name. I really liked the idea of that.
However, this would never happen with Mr. D. He comes from a very old family that is very prominent in US and British history. He is also the last male (well kinda, as his older brother never plans on marrying or having children). It is very important to his family and him that he keeps his last name to pass on to any children that we may be blessed enough to have. So I knew I had to play the name game by myself.
Image via Barnes and Noble
There are plenty of ways for me to play this game. Lets say my name is Jane Anne Doe. I could leave my name as is. However, I have come to realize that I would really like to have the same last name as my children. And since the point of leaving Mr. D’s name alone is so he can pass the family name on, that would make the whole idea moot.
NEXT!
I could also hyphenate it as Jane Anne Doe-Doily. I really don’t like the idea of hyphenating my name. My last name is three syllables long and Mr. D’s is two, which makes hyphenating it one really long name. Add that to the syllables of my first name and my middle name, it becomes this long choppy name. Not to mention signing it would not be fun. Hrm.
NEXT!
The last idea that came to mind really appealed to me. I could drop my middle name, add my maiden name as my middle name and change my last name to Mr. D’s last name. So I would be Jane Doe Doily. It sounds a lot better with my real name, I promise. Plus it allows for me to keep the part of my identity that I have held onto for so long AND still have the last name as my soon-to-be husband and eventual children.
WINNER!
I feel really good about changing my name this way. I feel that I am staying true to myself in the decision. Mr. D knew how much of a struggle it was for me (don’t let the breezy language of this post fool you—there was some tears spilled during this process!), and was there supporting me the whole time, which made me feel even better about taking his last name.
What about you? Was is easy for you? Difficult?
I actually assumed this is what most women did until recently! (This is what my mother did.) The only problem I see with this option is that I don’t use my middle name. I would know that my middle name is my maiden name, but no one else would.
Im the last one with my last name; and though it was made fun of for many many years I’ve come to love it and now I dont want to give it up! We are going through ALL options! Luckily I was given a middle name and TWO last names (my sperm donor’s being one). Im thinking of dropping Sperm Donors and then it’ll be kinda like the way it always was! COMPLICATED! lol =)
I did something similar, except I kept my original middle name and just added my maiden name as a second middle name so I’m Jane Ann Doe Newlastname. It worked well for me and I got to keep both my middle name and last name, which both meant a lot.
I did the same thing (Jane Doe Spaniel), although now that I’m past the actual decision part, I sort of wish I’d just left well enough alone. If I’m my children’s mother, no one is going to be that confused if we don’t share a last name. But, oh well, too late!
Hope you stay happy with your decision. 
That’s what my mom did; like emily I thought that this was what most women did when they took their husband’s last name.
My middle name is her maiden name. I didn’t take my husband’s name, but I assume when we have kids I’ll follow that tradition: they’ll be Baby MyLast HisLast.
I plan to do the exact same thing. I felt it was the best resolution. And my signature can include my maiden if I want. I loathe the hyphen.
I’m not sure about the other states, but in Virginia, I DO know that if you’re married when a child is born, the child automatically gets the father’s last name. No options allowed. The name also go on the birth certificate. If you are NOT married, the father has to sign papers. (Been there and done that with both kids.)
As for me, I’m keeping my CURRENT last name. It is NOT my maiden name. Both kids have my current last name and after we’re married, any kid we have will have my then-husband’s last name. Talk about a fun mess! (Not to mention mischief the kids can get into when they’re in school…)
My mother, however, dropped her middle name and uses her maiden name AS her middle name with her last name being my dad’s.
I’m glad that I’m not alone in struggling with the idea of dropping the name I’ve had all my life to replace it with my fiance’s! He’s fine with me doing whatever I want there, I’m just not sure what route I want to take. While I like the idea of keeping my last name, I don’t actually like my last name (let’s just say it’s never meshed well with my first name). I love my middle name (family name), so I don’t want to drop that one. So I’m torn.
Question for the ladies who are keeping their middle names, current last names, and adding their fiance’s name (so Jane Anne Doe HisName), when you write your name professionally, or when you sign something, do you do so “Jane Doe HisName?” I feel that’s almost as much as a mouthful as hyphenation?
I am starting to struggle with the fact that I only have a little while left of being Miss Maiden before I become Mrs Teaspoon!
Glad you came to a decision that you’re comfortable and proud of! In the end, that’s what’s most important.
I’m so happy you found a solution for you, I cant seem to make up my mind!
I had always assumed I’d just take my husband’s last name, but in recent years I’ve realized that I’m very attached to my last name and have also started to get established in my career with that name. I think I am also going to use my maiden name as my middle name - a good way to keep it visible professionally, and I’d just go with Mrs. HisLast socially.
My mom is Mrs. Linda Doe Dadsname, and I’ll be Mrs. Heather Dadsname Spinningstars once I haul my butt to Social Security and the DMV. I like the tradition of keeping the maiden name as a middle name.
I guess I never knew using your maiden name as a middle name was so popular. I’m glad you were able to find a solution that you were happy with.
I personally have never really questioned whether to drop mine and take FI’s last name. I am so excited to share a last name with him!! I like my last name, but I guess I don’t have a major attachment. 
I’m doing the same thing (Maiden becoming Middle and taking FI’s Last) - I also felt much more attached to my maiden name than my middle name, so I thought it was a good compromise.
This is exactly what I wanted to do! I was actually quite psyched about it, then I found out that CA (where I live) is one of the few states that doesn’t allow you to do that with marriage. In order to change my middle name I would need to go in front of a court and petition. I haven’t ruled this option out 100%, but it certainly seems like a much bigger deal to change my name and I’m a little more wary about the process.
@tink4kali: If Iowa didn’t make it so easy, I probably would go through the process of legally changing it. Luckily they do make it so easy on both accounts (mostly due to the fact that they have to make it so accessible for same-sex couples), so changing my name will be a cinch. Will it cost you more to go that route?
I had a tough time with this too! I got my marriage license today and I had to pick how I was changing my name. What I did was similar to you, I added my last name to my middle name. Two middle names is kinda weird, but both my middle and last names are so meaningful to me!
@tink4kali: @tink4kali: are you sure ca doesn’t allow it? Because I added to my middle today, at least with the marriage license and it was approved. Maybe it’s a county thing?
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Miss Doily, Cedar Rapids, Iowa Age and Occupation: 25, Autism Paraeducator/ Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Freelance Writer/ Publisher Engagement Date: August 27th, 2010 Wedding Date: March 2012 Venue: Father’s Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center About Me: I’m an Iowan girl with a deep love of Harry Potter, classic movies, cardigans, and Post-Its. My type-A Virgo tendencies often cause me to drive my laid-back college sweetheart fiance batty with lists and PowerPoint presentations. I love to be crafty and do things myself, which explains why my two crazy kittens often will prance around the house covered in glitter and ribbons. When I am not bogged down with work, school, or wedding planning, I like to travel to visit my expansive family and have wild adventures with my best friends. After a rollercoaster ride of a love story, I’m ready to take that final plunge, marry the love of my life, and become a Mrs.!
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