Weddingbee Blog

Since I left New York, Mr. Parasol and I have been long distance and will continue to be so for the remaining two months of our engagement.

Image via Sex Info Online

We actually kind of fell into this situation without realizing it. When making all of our moving plans and thinking through all the things that need to get done before our wedding, it just kind of worked out in a way that kept us apart. My lease in New York ended on June 15th, but Mr. Parasol decided to stay in New York for another month because he has a very good job.

While we’ll both be back in California for these last two months, Mr. Parasol will be in Southern California searching for our newlywed apartment in LA before starting law school in August, and I’ll be in Northern California working and finalizing all of wedding details up here. As I said, it just worked out that we were apart, but neither of us really realized we’d actually be long distance for about three months until we’d already made all of these plans.

Prior to this, we’d only had much smaller bouts with long distance. If you’ve read The Story of Us (Part I), you know that the first month of our relationship was technically long distance while we were both away from UC Berkeley over winter break. Then, right around our six-month anniversary (we celebrated every month back then!), Mr. Parasol went on a month-long European adventure. That was particularly difficult because making international phone calls and finding reliable internet were really difficult for Mr. Parasol, but we made it through OK.

Now that we are really and truly long distance for such a significant amount of time, I feel like I have finally formed a definitive opinion on the subject.

Being in a long-distance relationship sucks.

Image via Girlsguideto…

Seriously, it is one of the most difficult things to get through. Before this, I didn’t really understand how distance could be a problem for couples. I mean, if you love your significant other, how could distance ever be construed into a reason to break up? Yeah, I totally get that now. And no, Mr. Parasol and I are nowhere near breaking up or anything; I just understand how incredibly taxing distance can be on even the healthiest of relationships, and I definitely understand how relationships can end over distance.

What has been particularly difficult, for us at least, is the fact that being long distance means that basically all you can do is talk. I’m beyond thankful that technology like cell phones and Skype allows us to not only hear each other’s voices, but to also see each other’s faces. And while communication and simply talking is key to any relationship, there’s so much more.

Mr. Parasol and I love doing jigsaw puzzles together and playing card games. We love cooking good meals together (well, he cooks, I clean up), taking long walks, and exploring our surroundings. Sometimes we love just sitting on the couch together, each of us reading a book or watching an episode of Community or Parks and Recreation together. Being long distance means that we can’t do any of these things together, and I really miss all of these other aspects of our relationship.

While it’s still really difficult, we’ve definitely learned some things that make long distance easier:

• Vary your communication. Don’t just talk on the phone every night. Text your significant other in the middle of the day. Shoot him a quick (or long) email to let him know you’re thinking about him. Skype instead of call so you can see his face. This way, it won’t feel like you’re doing the same thing all the time.
• Speaking of Skype, save it for special occasions. At first, Mr. Parasol and I tried to Skype every night. But that was really exhausting for us. When you’re on the phone, you can put it on speaker and still do other things in the background (like wedding projects!), but with Skype your full attention has to be on the person you’re talking to. Then if you add all the internet problems each one of you could potentially face, Skype definitely starts to seem impractical on a daily basis. So we decided to only use Skype about once a week. We set up a little Skype “date,” I make sure I haven’t yet put on my PJs or wiped off my makeup, and Mr. Parasol tries to look more alert even though it’s still usually pretty late for him. These dates feel special, and we both really look forward to them each week.
• Don’t feel like you have to talk every day. The first day I asked Mr. Parasol if we could skip our evening chat, I felt so guilty. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to him or that I was mad at him or anything. I just felt exhausted by having this nightly phone appointment. I needed an evening to sit on the couch and just chill out. Thankfully, I have a very understanding fiancé, and he wholeheartedly agreed that a night off was much needed for both of us. We both knew our desire for a night off wasn’t about us or our relationship; sometimes you just need a relaxing evening, and it’s harder to do that if you have to have a two-hour long conversation with someone.
• And finally, even though being apart is so difficult, think about how much sweeter your reunion will be. Before this, I was so excited to marry Mr. Parasol and start our life together. Having been apart for almost a month now, I can say with total confidence that I am even more over the moon about spending the rest of my life with him. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder. If it doesn’t kill it first.

For now, I’m so thankful that I get to see Mr. Parasol this coming week. Woohoo! He decided to fly into Northern California first under the guise of doing necessary wedding prep (like getting our marriage license and assembling our invitations), but really he just wants to see me. And I’m OK with that. He’ll be here for a few days before heading down to Southern California. I’m not looking forward to going back to long distance, but I am thankful he’ll at least be in the same time zone. The three-hour time difference has been killer!

Have you and your significant other ever been long distance? How did you cope with being apart?