Weddingbee Blog

Now that the cake is long gone, the bouquets have dried, and I’ve had time to reflect on our wedding day, a few things come to mind that fall into the categories of “things I absolutely wouldn’t change” and “things I wish I had done differently.” It was a daring adventure planning a wedding from beginning to end, and although I’m still walking on sunshine over how the day went, I’m a strong believer in everything being a learning experience. Without further ado…

Five things I would have done differently:

1. Paid for the extra hours of photography and videography coverage

As the wedding approached, I was borderline obsessed with the numbers in our bank accounts. While some might consider that kind of financial consciousness responsible, I wish I had relented a little and spent the money to have them stay the entire night. There were so many great moments after our contracts ended at 10:30 PM that exist only in our memories: after Mr. Tartlet read this post by Mrs. Elephant, he immediately latched onto the idea of having a private last dance. That night, Mary Ann Ross deftly assessed the mood and ended up inviting everyone to share in “one last dance.” Marry Me by Train sounded through the speakers, and all around us people were swaying back and forth singing along to the music, some in pairs, others in groups with their arms flung around each others shoulders. It was an incredible display of love, friendship, and camaraderie. While the Twofoot Creative team broke down the Conservatory, a group of us meandered out to the garden where we busted out the cigars that I had gifted Mr. Tartlet earlier in the day. We spent a good 30 minutes quietly chatting and mellowing out, and I desperately wish we had tangible reminders of those moments.

I’m exceedingly thankful for my mom’s snap-happy trigger finger so I didn’t miss out on all the memorable moments of our dance party, some of which you’ve already seen, and others that are almost too embarrassing to post. Almost.

{Photo by Mama Tartlet}

2. Said goodbye to the guests who had to leave early

Alas, our desire to surprise people with our second dance somewhat backfired as a good number of our families took their leave as soon as the dance floor was opened. Because we were upstairs changing at that point in time, we missed our chance to bid them good night.

{Photo by Cuz Tartlet}

We felt really bad for not seeing them off, especially those who had traveled a great distance to come to our wedding. In the weeks after when they found out that we had a second dance, many voiced their disappointment in missing it. In retrospect, we should have asked our DJ to make an announcement that there was more to come so people could have made an informed decision about when to leave.

3. Been more forceful when necessary

There’s an underlying fear of being labeled a “Bridezilla” the second we turn a shade of opinionated about something wedding-related, and that influenced a lot of my interactions, especially with our venue. I’ve alluded to the various misunderstandings that occurred leading up to the wedding day, and in retrospect I should have taken the bull by the horns and firmly told them which way was up. Had I been more authoritative, I may have been able to head off blunders like the room being improperly set up based on an obsolete floor plan and our guests being billed for valet parking despite our paperwork clearly indicating that we were covering the cost. Knowing what we do now, would we still choose have our wedding at the Royal Park? Absolutely. The venue was gorgeous and fit our needs perfectly, our guests raved about the impeccable service, and the food was just heavenly. As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango.” I would have tossed aside my hang ups about being a pest and verified that we were on the same page.

4. Pushed the detailed timeline

I prepared a detailed timeline adapted from Mrs. Daffodil’s template and distributed it a couple days before the wedding to key players like grandparents, parents, and our wedding party. I love my brother dearly, but if it’s not work-related, the man is incapable of keeping a schedule. I expected the digs about being an overly organized, detail-obsessed woman (because let’s face it–I am), but I dropped the ball by not reminding my brother of key events. He was nowhere to be found a scarce 15 minutes before our wedding party photo session, and I momentarily freaked out at the prospect of him not being in any of the pictures. Turns out he was keeping his girl company at the salon while she got her hair done. Admittedly sweet of him, but along the same lines of #3 I wish I hadn’t been so vexed about being teased and reiterated the importance of being on time. If you know someone has a habit of being late, drive home the timeline and assign someone to keep tabs on their whereabouts. Had I told his girl that he needed to be at the hotel by 2:45 PM, you can bet your sweet bippy that she would have had him there at 2:30 PM with bells on.

5. Had some means of collecting post-wedding mailing addresses

So many of our friends moved in the weeks after the wedding that when it came time to write our thank you notes, I realized too late that the information we had collected for our Save-the-Dates and invitations were invalid. In most cases I could hunt down their permanent addresses via the University’s online directory and sent the card there, but it would have been nice to have their new whereabouts on hand.

{Original photo by Aruna B. Photography; card ordered through VistaPrint}

Five things I wouldn’t change:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Paying for the wedding ourselves

This was an extremely personal and difficult decision for us. Way back in the day I made light of how we met up with some resistance about the kind of wedding we wanted. Truth be told, it was more like repeatedly running head-first into a brick wall, with details like the style of dress I was expected to wear and my hairstyle being dictated under threat of withdrawing financial assistance. Both of us being students at the time, it was a gut-wrenching choice between the stress of battling for approval and shouldering the full responsibility of budgeting for the wedding ourselves.

It was a huge commitment to adjust our priorities and painstakingly track our spending before and even after the wedding. We learned to ignore the naysayers who in response to our decision predetermined our wedding to be tacky and inferior. We were accountable for every single wedding-related decision, and were ultimately proud to pull it off with the support of family, friends, and an incredible team of vendors. I especially have to thank my parents, who not only understood the situation and respected our decision, but made sure we knew they were still willing to help if needed–no strings attached. For that I am extremely grateful.

2. Keeping it small

It’s well broadcasted in the wedding world that cutting back on the guest list is a great way to save money. We had a divergent approach where we chose to have an intimate affair in order to splurge and pull out the stops to cater to our guests’ needs while simultaneously infusing details that reflected us as a couple. A larger party would have been fun in its own right, but keeping the wedding small really simplified things in general and allowed us to spend more time with people. Being surrounded by close-knit friends and family made it feel more like a celebration–and less like a production–which in turn helped us feel more at home with our own wedding.

3. Hiring a day-of coordinator

Security. Cohesion. Peace of mind. I could come up with a dozen post-worthy reasons why hiring Ana of Twofoot Creative was one of the best decisions we made. Having someone who is professionally trained to pick up on the little nuances that make the day run smoothly permitted me the luxury to slow down, relax, and enjoy the day.

A distinction that I’m thankful to have learned early on was that a venue coordinator isn’t necessarily the same thing as a day-of coordinator. Ana made it her business to know the inner workings of our contracts with other vendors, and became familiarized with the minute details like how we wanted our place cards set. She was essential to our vendors working together as a team, and I could trust her to mediate, intervene, and direct when necessary; none of these were in our venue coordinator’s job description, and we would have been up a creek had we been misled into thinking they were.

4. Investing in exceptional photography and videography

In the weeks following our wedding I became increasingly mopy, partly because all the hullabaloo was done and over with, but mostly because despite my best efforts my recollections of the day were fuzzy and fading. I was disappointed that I had trouble calling up emotions, reactions, or even conversations that had occurred, which made chronicling our day a dreadful task. Only when we received the anticipated email from Aruna B. linking to our online gallery did the floodgates of memory open. On her website, it says the “soul of [her] work is to tell stories,” and she killed it with the photos she took that encapsulated so many memorable moments throughout the day. While we can’t display our wedding video in our home, videography provides us with a living document that will persist through generations. We’ll be able to relive our vows (which neither of us remember saying), see the tears roll down our (OK, my) cheeks, and listen again to the songs that elicited those crazy dance faces. It’s comforting to know that we have these permanent records for the rest of our lives.

{Personal Photo}

5. Having a day-after brunch

BM Laura and GM Michael spoiled us by hosting a brunch in our suite the morning after the wedding. The laid back mood perfectly complimented the thrill of the previous day, and created another opportunity to visit with loved ones. It was an ideal (and delicious) way to kick off our first day as a married couple.

{Photo by BM Laura}

{Photo by Mama Tartlet}

Let’s hear it, gals! What things would you change or keep the same if you could turn back time?

*For some more perspective, check out this post from the After “I Do” series, and Mrs. Hippo’s takes here, here, and here.

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