Weddingbee Blog

I kind of considered not writing a ceremony post. I thought it would just be like “here are some pictures, and then the usual things happened.” Alas, I want to document my complete wedding, and this is kind of a major part. So here’s our ceremony in one fell swoop- our music choices, how I avoided being given away, our readings, how it felt to all the sudden be married.

Seating/hugging & chatting with people you haven’t seen in awhile music:

• Stick By You- Andrew Lipke
• Baba O’Riley*- London Philharmonic Orchestra
• Don’t Stop Believing- Vitamin String Quartet
• Heavenly Day- Patty Griffin
• Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing- Sufjan Stevens
• All My Days- Alexi Murdoch

*My mom was horrified—horrified—to hear this song pop up as the CD played at our rehearsal the night before. My dad laughed and asked [proudly, I think]: E, is this The Who? My mom paled while my brother dissolved into snickering. I smiled at her and said, No, it’s the London Philharmonic Orchestra. She asked why I hate her. I don’t! I just love ’70s rock. Sorry Mom, and God, and Bach!

Amazing Grace—Sufjan Stevens (Moms & Grandma’s Entrance)

From the back, I heard the first chords of I Love NYE by Badly Drawn Boy and I basically broke into a cold sweat. One by one, my partiers disappeared through the wide doorway.

And then me. Those garlands pointed straight to PDog, and I didn’t look at anything else. I was so overwhelmed at that point.

My dad gave me a quick peck and took his seat. (No “giving away”- more on that later.)

Then we had an opening prayer. Photographic evidence shows that my dearly beloveds are not peekers.

First off, one of my dearest friends read the first of our readings-a passage from the 2003 Massachusetts ruling on gay marriage.

Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family…. Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.

- from “Goodridge Vs. Department of Health” by Massachusetts Supreme Court Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall

Amongst all the flowery, literary readings that I considered, this text was the one that PDog was most vocal about. He felt strongly (as did I) that this passage should be included because it sums up why marriage matters- not love, not commitment- marriage.

When I had to do things during the ceremony (respond to various things, say my vows, whatever), it was all a blur. But during the readings, I just enjoyed them. Here, specifically, I got choked up thinking about how deeply this passage matters to me and how lucky I feel to have married a man who is also a proud supporter of equal rights. Then, as I listened to Jessie’s sweet voice, my thoughts wandered to how lucky I am to have beautiful, intelligent friends who are thoughtful and outspoken in their ideals as well.

Oh yes, the tears are forming back stage of my eyes, trying to make a dramatic debut.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat as we moved to a piece of the ceremony that our pastor suggested. Being “given away” never felt right to me, for a lot of reasons, of which you can take your pick. You’ve heard them all before, I’m sure. Instead, the pastor had us turn to my parents, had them stand, and asked if they would accept PDog as their own, support our relationship, and help us navigate our lives together. They agreed. [Admittedly, this felt like a bit of a formality. They already do those things. But then again, PDog and I have done the sickness-health, poorness-wealth spectrum for years. It’s just nice for your family to get to hear you say it out loud.] Then we did the same thing with PDog’s parents. I stared at my MIL’s shoulders because I knew I’d cry if she did.

Next up, my “best guy” did the following two readings in immediate succession:

1 John 4 7:12, New International Version

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:7-12, Anne Lamott version:

“You were loved because God loves, period. God loved you, and everyone, not because you believed in certain things, but because you were a mess, and lonely, and His or Her child. God loved you no matter how crazy you felt on the inside, no matter what a fake you were; always, even in your current condition, even before coffee. God loves you crazily, like I love you…like a slightly overweight auntie, who sees only your marvelousness and need.”

The second part is from a novel by Anne Lamott, but I tied it to the Bible passage because, to me, they say the same thing. It’s a sentiment that means a lot to me- pushing past the noise surrounding religion and politics and just figuring out how to love bravely and more and better and even radically. Besides that, I sort of idolize Anne Lamott. She often writes about she’s imperfect and kind of a mess, but that she’s honestly trying. And I am too, on all counts.

We exchanged rings and said the traditional vows with a few minor modifications.Then we made out in front of our families. Chingggg.

After being pronounced, we made our way out to our recessional music- Guster’s Do You Love Me. Guster was a part of the night we met, so…it was a bit of a wink-nudge for those who know us best.

I’ll spare you the family portraits that followed, as they would surely be boring to you, and just leave you with this. As we recessed, everything felt like such a blur, and we stood in the back of the church for a few moments. Instead of saying something sweet or sentimental to PDog, like how much I love him or something, I started laughing. Not like “genuinely funny joke” laughter, but like…”nitrous oxide / mania” laughter.

Once out of view, standing near racks of choir robes in the back of the church, I bent over a bit in stifled laughter, gasping, “I’m someone’s wife. Hahaha. I am a wife.” The word sounded so foreign in my mouth. PDog started laughing too, and said, “Hello, I’m her husband.” Then I started crying and laughing at the same time, as our bridal party recessed and caught up with us. What’s so funny? one of them asked. Through my grin and tears, I said, “Hahaha. I have a husband.” Without missing a beat, PDog’s brother said, “I have a sister!” and threw his hands up in the air in celebration.

And then I hugged everyone, and kept laugh-crying, and it felt like this:

Photography- Katie Albrecht of Blink of an Eye

Old Episodes

• A Prairie Dog Companion I: Reader, I Married Him
• A Prairie Dog Companion II: So It Begins
• A Prairie Dog Companion III: Pictures of You
• A Prairie Dog Companion IV: What We Wore
• A Prairie Dog Companion V: Church by Daylight
• A Prairie Dog Companion VI: Things I Thought About Before My Walk