Growing Up

Growing Up

August 23rd, 2011 @ 2:30 pm by Mrs. Ticket
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Today I’m going to share with you something that’s a little difficult for me to admit. But I think it’s time to put it out there.

I don’t handle change well. I never have. As a kid, the smallest of changes would send my world spiraling. Something as simple as my parents replacing the dining room table was known to bring me to tears (ridiculous, I know). But with this in mind I have to admit that while I’m no longer crying over furniture, I still find change difficult. Particularly BIG change. Like an upcoming marriage and moving out of my parents’ house. That’s monumental change in my book.

Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely can’t wait to become Mrs. Ticket. I am so in love with Mr. Ticket that I would move to the moon with him if he asked me. But that doesn’t make the change any less real and while my bride brain is often in happy/giddy fiancee mode or crazy busy planning mode, occasionally that little voice of nervous energy pops up in the back of my mind.

Before Mr. Ticket moved to California I had the nervous energy.

I was BEYOND excited that he was moving to be closer to me, but that scared little girl inside of me that has issues with change just wouldn’t let me be. In the weeks leading up to Mr. Ticket’s move I felt incredible guilt over his moving; I feared he would come to resent me for having to move, I even feared that he would grow tired of me and want to move back to Pittsburgh (a little crazy, but it’s incredible what that fear of change can do to my normally rational brain). I was so nervous getting on a plane to Pittsburgh to help him move, you would have thought it was ME moving! Then, lo and behold, as soon as he arrived all nerves vanished. I was in a perfect state of bliss. The change had been good after all! Not just good, but fantastic! All that worry and fear for nothing.

So this is pretty much where I’m at right now. No fears of marrying Mr. Ticket, I assure you (though I have some lingering concerns of whether or not I’ll be a good wife). But I can feel that little nervous energy welling up inside me. Particularly when I think about packing up my bedroom and moving out. Especially when I realize I have roughly two months to pack up the last 13 years of my life (the number of years I’ve lived in my current house) and figure out how to fit it into our new little apartment (fingers crossed—we sent in our application yesterday) all while continuing to plan the wedding and dealing about a million other things that just keep piling up. While most of me is genuinely excited for this change and totally ready to start this new chapter of my life, that nervous little ball of energy has been weighing down hard on me this week. Here’s to hoping the memories of my last big change will calm my fears and allow me to fully enjoy this wonderful time in my life. Because truly I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before, and I don’t want anything to damper it. Not even my own issues with change.

Do you have issues with change or do you welcome change with open arms? Any suggestions on how to deal with my little issue?

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15 Responses to “Growing Up”

Bee

Miss Ladyfingers (message) 1,119 posts, Bumble bee

Great post. I hate change. It makes me all nervous. Even when it’s good change, I worry that it’ll be worse than where I was before - like when I get a new great job, I freak out. So I totally get where you’re coming from

8/23/11 @ 2:40 pm (reply)

Member

KatieJean (message) 371 posts, Helper bee

You aren’t alone, Ms. Ticket! I am so incredibly the same way. I felt like maybe I was a little crazy girl for the longest time… It’s good to hear that others struggle with the same things we do. I think it helps us cope better. I’m already preparing myself for any meltdowns I might have — deep breathing!

8/23/11 @ 2:47 pm (reply)

Member

firebugj16 (message) 101 posts, Blushing bee

I’m a bit nervous that I won’t be a good wife either. I am so ready to be Mrs. FI and thought I was crazy for being nervous at the same time for all the change!

8/23/11 @ 2:53 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Parasol (message) 2,132 posts, Buzzing bee

Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us, Ticket! This was so beautiful, and I can so relate. Even though Mr. P and I are so madly in love, and we’ve prayed so long and hard about getting married, and we feel so very ready, I still feel so nervous! Marriage is such a huge thing, and even when it’s right, it’s still really scary. Lots of good thoughts and prayers for you as you and Mr. T prepare for this EXCITING change!

8/23/11 @ 2:53 pm (reply)

Member

CurlyRN (message) 331 posts, Helper bee

All I knew was change growing up. I am an Army brat, lived my entire kid years, 4-19 in Germany. We moved every three years in August and boom, Septmember came with new school and MY BIRTHDAY. Right away I learned who to befriend, avoid and invite to my party. I was a float nurse for 9 years ’cause I love showing up to a unit, working for 8 and leaving for weeks. Change puts fire under my arse.

8/23/11 @ 2:53 pm (reply)

Member

jlcadm (message) 248 posts, Helper bee

Thanks for sharing with us. Admitting to be afraid of something isn’t always easy for everyone! I TOTALLY understand where you’re coming from, and I think it’s all normal. Just relax, and don’t think so much about it

8/23/11 @ 2:58 pm (reply)

Member

nickeraway (message) 18 posts, Newbee

This is a great blog and thank you so much for sharing! I am currently dealing with the same feelings and hearing that I’m not the only one who is struggling with this makes me feel a whole lot better!

8/23/11 @ 3:11 pm (reply)

Member

kappasweetiepie (message) 73 posts, Worker bee

I totally have change issues, particularly of the growing up kind. My fiance and I have lived together and dated for just over 3 years, but the reality of marriage makes me feel so old. I’m only 25, but I’m scared of not being a kid anymore. And whoa, I’m scared of HAVING kids! It’s mostly fear of the unknown. It always ends up fine, it’s just acknowledging that you’re growing up while you still feel like you’re 16. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Clearly you are experiencing something similar. My best advice (for both of us!) is to realize many have gone before and many will come after. They did just fine. We can too

8/23/11 @ 3:28 pm (reply)

Bee

Ms. Gazelle (message) 994 posts, Busy bee

Ticket, you have a lot of big changes happening in a short period of time. It is totally normal to feel anxious and nervous about it! I’ve dealt with a lot of change growing up since we moved around a lot as a kid but change is nerve racking no matter what!

8/23/11 @ 4:23 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Ticket (message) 475 posts, Helper bee

You guys are awesome. I seriously feel so much better after reading all of your comments. Thank you for your support.

8/23/11 @ 4:30 pm (reply)

11.

Member

RaeTRud (message) 66 posts, Worker bee

I completely identify with your post! I remember my sister and I crying for hours when my parents traded in our little Omni for a station wagon- we cried all the way to the dealership, on the way home, and then some. I remember sobbing on my 12th birthday because I was horrified that I would just keep getting older and older.

Change still makes me uncomfortable, even if it’s for the better. You’re not alone

I appreciate your honesty. I think it’s great to just accept this about yourself (I have) and do your best in moments of change. You’re doing a great job!

8/23/11 @ 5:58 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Mrs. Cinnamon Bun (message) 1,100 posts, Bumble bee

It depends on the change, although I think I’m fairly used to it by now because my work is 8-week contract after 8-week contract with a new set of people and sometimes working for a new company, so that keeps me on my toes.

I know when the time came to move out of my parents’ house, I was SO ready.

8/23/11 @ 6:50 pm (reply)

13.

Member

BeachyKeenBride (message) 64 posts, Worker bee

I hate change, too. I’m actually glad that I moved in with FI so that I won’t have to go through a bunch of change at once. It was really hard on me when I moved in, though. Not just for the change of having to move all my stuff (after moving to a new city in my own apartment less than a year before) but also because I felt like I was interfering in his life in a way because it was HIS house, he lived here first. It took a lot of adjusting to feel like it’s our home, but after 4 months, it finally feels like home.

8/23/11 @ 8:38 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Pony (message) 4,174 posts, Honey bee

I’m definitely feeling anxious about all the changes that will happen in my life, you are not alone Ticket. You will have Mr. Ticket to help you through everything and be a source of strength though!

8/23/11 @ 10:52 pm (reply)

15.

Member

village_skeptic (message) 346 posts, Helper bee

Ticket, I love reading your posts so much — I always find myself identifying with you. I, too, am absolutely terrible with change! Whenever the thing I’ve been obsessing about actually *happens* though, I’m often completely fine with it. I think sometimes that this tendency to worry helps us think through all the different aspects of the change that’s about to happen — what we’ll do if we feel a certain way, what we’ll do if x, y, or z happens, what we’ll do if x, y, or z person ends up feeling or reacting a certain way to the situation — basically, we’re prepared for these things when they happen then, and so we aren’t stuck saying, “Hmm, I feel sad and I don’t know why or what to do.”

One thing — maybe talking with Mr. Ticket about these fears of change might help loosen up that knot a little bit? NOT in any kind of “cold feet” sense of course, just in the “Augh, Mr. Ticket, you know me, and this is how I’m feeling right now. Cuddle me?” sense. For me, just being able to voice my anxieties to my fiance does a tremendous amount to reduce them. I hope that this post to the Bee does some of that work too!

8/24/11 @ 1:03 am (reply)