Mr. D and I did not know that there was so much involved with planning a ceremony. Soon after we decided against writing our own vows, we realized that there were other things to consider. Such as, what kind of ceremonies to include during the ceremony. There are all kinds to choose from. We could do a unity candle ceremony:
A variation of the unity candle ceremony—the unity sand ceremony:
Image via Aislinn Events
Or maybe a wine box ceremony to be a little different:
Image via Heather Neckers
Or a handfasting ceremony:
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Image via Style Me Pretty / Shannon Leahy Events
There are so many things that a couple can do to make their ceremony special and reflect who they are as a couple. Mr. D and I were definitely overwhelmed at first about all of the choices. The norm around here is a unity candle. Almost every wedding I have been to has had one, only one has had a unity sand ceremony instead of the usual and everyone raved over how different it was (granted that was like six years ago, but I still always see candle ceremonies).
Mr. D wanted to know the reasons behind having the ceremonies, the traditions and symbolism of each one. As we started going through each one, we began to realize that none of them were fitting what we wanted out of our ceremony. So we are doing the unthinkable (at least to some). We are not doing any other ceremonies during our wedding ceremony. Our ceremony is going to look like this:
Our ceremony from beginning to end will be about 30 minutes. Why none of the extra ceremonies? For us, the most important thing about our ceremony is to show our commitment to each other and to God. As Christians, we are going into our marriage knowing that it’s not just between me and him, but between us and God. God brought us together and it is our belief in Him that brings us even closer together. I know that this isn’t for everyone, but it was extremely important for us. We felt that none of the other ceremonies really captured that belief or added anything meaningful to our ceremony.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe that those ceremonies are beautiful and I love what they mean to the couple, but for Mr. D and I, they just were not us. Momma Doily has asked several times if we are sure about not doing a unity candle ceremony, because everyone will be expecting one. But as much as it is a day meant to celebrate our love with our friends and family, it is Mr. D and I who are making the vows to each other. I don’t want to something because other people expect it, I want to make sure that it reflects the things that are most important to Mr. D and me.
What things are you doing or not doing during your ceremony that other people may be surprised about? What kind of ceremonies are you including during your ceremony?
We went through a similar though process and are simply doing a ceremony without a ceremony within. The ceremonies such as a sand or candle or wine ceremony, just do not match who we are. The only thing we really did consider was including vows to my FI son or a ceremony where we give him a small momentous gift.
The ceremony is the most important place to NOT bow to “what people expect.” Good for you and Mr. D for sticking to what feels right for you!
P.S. The unity candle ceremony was invented by the writers of General Hospital for Luke and Laura’s wedding. I always think it’s funny when people insist that it’s “tradition” : )
I don’t think we are doing any other ceremonies either!
Yaaay, we are not doing any ceremonies in the mass either. We are just having a normal Catholic mass and that’s it.
Mr. Funnel Cake kind of liked the idea of a unity candle, but I personally loathe them and they are not allowed in Catholic ceremonies anyway. So that’s that. 
We’re not doing any ceremonies within our ceremony either! Our outline looks eerily similar to yours as well. We’re both no frills people, and to us, these ceremonies weren’t really meaningful. So we decided to forgo them and just focus on incorporating beautiful words–and getting married, of course!
I am originally from Hawaii and while I wanted desperately to go back there and get married on the beach, it just wasn’t an option for us–maybe a honeymoon? Anyway I’m getting off topic here…we are exchanging lei’s of flowers. The leis are like the rings, they signify our unending love. The deacon at our church was so excited about our idea and loved how personal it was for us. It’s like having a little piece of home with me 
We didn’t do any ceremonies either. Our ceremony was done in about 15 minutes, max. We didn’t have any rings, singing, or prayers. The officiant gave a welcome and a few remarks. DH’s sister read a passage from the Little Prince that is really special to me, and we did our vows. The officiant pronounced us married, and then they started pouring the champagne.
By trimming out all of the other stuff, I have a very focused memory of our ceremony…”You become responsible forever for what you have tamed.”
We decided to do the sand ceremony mostly because I love the idea of seeing a vase full of sand on our mantle place and thinking of our wedding every time I see it. “For us, the most important thing about our ceremony is to show our commitment to each other and to God.” Couldn’t have said it better. Our ceremony is supposed to last approximately 30 minutes as well, we decided we want a wine box but we don’t want it to be part of our ceremony. It’s something personal that we wanted to keep to us, so we will be putting our letters in the box and having our MOH and BM seal the box after the ceremony.
Good for you for sticking to your guns!
I really can’t stand when people say “But everyone will expect you to…..” or “But you’re supposed to do it this way….”
Seriously? If they want to relive their own wedding, go watch the video.
If they want to attend the wedding of another person, recognize that it isn’t their wedding, and that it may be different.
We didn’t like any of the options (sand, candle, etc) so we made up our own!!
We tied a knot using two colors of climbing rope and the knot we chose is actually 2 knots pulled into 1 and cannot be undone.
It’s a variation on handfasting that we both loved and was so us, because we’re very outdoorsy and now we have a knot hanging in our home forever!
I too was suprised at the amount of stuff one can put into a ceremony. A long talk on a windy road last weekend with FI made us determine we do want to be married in front of God. I want to include a ring blessing ceremony and this is about it, maybe personal vows as we have been on a journey to find each other.
We’re not either. We just couldn’t find anything that fit *us*. Hear, hear, simple ceremony bride!
We’re doing a wine box ceremony, not only because I like the sentiment, but because we’re getting married at a winery But I think you should make your ceremony 100% what you want, rather than what people ‘expect’.
@tinylittlebird: haha, *two snaps* you go girl!! I like your sass!
@Mis Funnel Cake: I’ve seen candle ceremonies in catholic weddings, maybe my cousin’s priest was more flexible than yours.
We’ve been contemplating unity ceremony to do. I think researching all the traditions and purposes behind each one will help us decide. Thanks for this post.
Mrs. Doily, Cedar Rapids, Iowa Age and Occupation: 25, Autism Paraeducator/ Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, IT Hosting Support Engagement Date: August 27th, 2010 Wedding Date: March 2012 Venue: Father’s Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center About Me: I’m an Iowan girl with a deep love of Harry Potter, classic movies, cardigans, and Post-Its. My type-A Virgo tendencies often cause me to drive my laid-back college sweetheart fiance batty with lists and PowerPoint presentations. I love to be crafty and do things myself, which explains why my two crazy kittens often will prance around the house covered in glitter and ribbons. When I am not bogged down with work, school, or wedding planning, I like to travel to visit my expansive family and have wild adventures with my best friends. After a rollercoaster ride of a love story, I’m ready to take that final plunge, marry the love of my life, and become a Mrs.!
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