Honoring Those Who Have Come and Gone

Honoring Those Who Have Come and Gone

September 3rd, 2011 @ 5:20 pm by Miss Warbler
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With all of the hustle and bustle of wedding planning, sometimes I forget to lift my head up and pay attention to reality. In my fantasy world, our wedding will go off without a hitch and every moment will be just like it’s from the movies. My new husband and I will exchange teary-eyed but beautiful vows. Everyone will stare in awe as we glide across the floor for our first dance. And all of our guests will gather as we exit to wish us farewell amidst sparklers.

Even though I know that those things probably won’t happen the way I envision (my venue doesn’t allow sparklers, for one), there are a few moments I know for a certainty I won’t get to experience: My dad walking me down the aisle or our father-daughter dance.

Six years ago my father passed away. I wish I could say it gets a little easier as time goes by, but if you’ve ever had experience with death you know that’s not true. I’ve missed so many moments with him. He never got to see me go to prom or graduate from high school or college. And my wedding is just another event I won’t get to share with him. But I plan on including him in my day as much as I can with photos and such. It won’t make up for not having him there, but I still want to acknowledge him in some small way.

Here’s an idea I might steal borrow from another bride:

Photo attached to the bouquet (Image via The Alternative Wife)

(Image via The Alternative Wife)

This is just one of the ideas I had. I thought it was really touching. So my dad won’t be able to walk me down the aisle, but I can still carry him with me. It’s a small gesture, but I’m working on a few more ideas. What about you, hive? How are you remembering past loved ones?

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22 Responses to “Honoring Those Who Have Come and Gone”

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Member

Coffee cup (message) 1,839 posts, Buzzing bee

It’s such a beautiful detail. I’ve heard about the picture inside the dress, but attached to the bouquet seems more public but still intimate.

9/3/11 @ 6:08 pm (reply)

Member

RachelD (message) 222 posts, Helper bee

I’ve seen similar little “attachment frames” on Etsy. What a creative and thoughtful way to keep the memory of your father with you on your special day.

9/3/11 @ 6:24 pm (reply)

Member

luvdmb36 (message) 278 posts, Helper bee

I made some of these!! My sister is getting one too and my mom is as well (they are of her mom and dad–my gramma and grandpa) for their bouquets. I also scanned my gramma’s handwriting from cards she gave me, my little sister, and my mom, and printed them out and made a second charm for each of us. Check out my DIY section–I posted pics! The coolest thing is that my mom actually found the card my gramma gave her for HER WEDDING day!! Totally awesome!!!

9/3/11 @ 6:36 pm (reply)

Member

LongDistancePlanning (message) 1,020 posts, Bumble bee

I will be attaching my dad to my bouquet too.

I agree, time doesn’t really make it easier because they keep missing all these milestones in our lives. But I know my dad will be watching down on us with a smile.

9/3/11 @ 6:48 pm (reply)

Guest

byrder

I did this with pictures of my grandparents… I got hoop earrings and attached their pictures to the backs of them so it made frames…

9/3/11 @ 7:01 pm (reply)

Member

MsTerrapin (message) 609 posts, Busy bee

I like the idea of carrying lost ones with you on your wedding day. I also used my bouquet to honor my deceased parents. I attached my Mom’s wedding band and my Dad’s St. Christopher medal to my bouquet– I liked being able to reach down and hold onto those charms as I waited to walk down the aisle. It made it feel less like I was walking down alone.

9/3/11 @ 8:18 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Magic (message) 628 posts, Busy bee

Mr. M’s dad passed away 9 years ago. I asked him what he would like to do, and I think he wants to have a moment of silence at the beginning of the ceremony. It’s definitely tough.

9/3/11 @ 10:43 pm (reply)

Member

FootballGirl (message) 40 posts, Newbee

I wanted to be able to remember my grandparents who have passed and my grandmother who is to ill to join us on our special day. We are going to display old photographs (one from their wedding day even) at our guestbook table.

9/3/11 @ 11:53 pm (reply)

Member

agreeneyedbride (message) 49 posts, Newbee

My dad passed away 6 years ago as well. It has definitely been sad not having him at all the big events, as well as the little things in daily life. I saw this picture on a blog and think we might incorporate this into our reception - http://www.stylemepretty.com/gallery/photo/14640

Also, I am planning on a moment of silence at the ceremony and listing his name in the program.

I just try to remember how he would want me to feel on the big days - he would want me to have fun and enjoy… so I try to go with that spirit instead of letting it get me down.

9/3/11 @ 11:54 pm (reply)

10.

Member

occhiblu (message) 210 posts, Helper bee

We had 8×10 photos of our deceased parents (my mom, my husband’s dad) and grandparents framed and displayed in our cocktail-hour space. I also, for my bouquet, chose peonies (which my mother grew) and roses (which my husband’s father grew). And I bought a little hummingbird charm (since my mother died, I have associated her with hummingbirds, since they often come and check in with me in a way that reminds me of her) and had it attached to my bouquet. And we wrote our own ceremony, which included a moment to remember family and friends who were not physically present.

It was nice, I think. It felt like we honored and included deceased family members, rather than just ignoring them (which would have been awkward and unpleasant), but we did so in a celebratory way. I was happy with how it turned out.

9/4/11 @ 2:08 am (reply)

11.

Member

mrs.jones_2be (message) 13 posts, Newbee

that is a great idea! i lost my dad three years ago & am thinking about sewing my dad’s wedding band somewhere inside of my dress or attaching it to my bouquet.

9/4/11 @ 8:39 am (reply)

12.

Member

spinningstars (message) 248 posts, Helper bee

I carried a photo of my dad in a locket attached to my bouquet- only my mom, my cousin, the photographer and I knew it was there.

9/4/11 @ 11:31 am (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Parasol (message) 2,132 posts, Buzzing bee

This is such a sweet idea, Warbler! I think this is a great way to incorporate your dad, even though he’s not able to be physically present on your wedding day and won’t be able to walk you down the aisle.

9/4/11 @ 11:59 am (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Pony (message) 4,174 posts, Honey bee

This is a great way to have your dad with you on your wedding day.

9/4/11 @ 1:56 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

almostmarried

My fiance’s father passed away a week ago, funeral was this weekend, and our wedding is less than two weeks away. We’re trying to think of ways to honor him in ways that won’t be too overwhelming. So far, I think we are going to have his portrait, along with portraits of our grandfathers who have passed set on a piano at the reception. Also, we are thinking of doing a dollar dance, but instead of having the money go to us, having it go toward research of the rare type of cancer he had.
It’s a very delicate balance between honoring him and keeping the day from becoming too heavy.

9/4/11 @ 5:13 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Miss Warbler (message) 154 posts, Blushing bee

@almostmarried: I like the idea of donating towards cancer research. I think it would be really meaningful.

9/4/11 @ 9:25 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

anna

We had an empty chair in the front row with 2 roses on it for my grandmothers, and my husband and I lit candles prior to the ceremony in honor of them. I also had a guardian angel pin my maternal grandmother gave me in my bouquet.

9/4/11 @ 10:52 pm (reply)

18.

Member

mrstobeeisme (message) 649 posts, Busy bee

My dad passed away on 2005, so I totally can relate to how you feel. I am doing the same picture charm honoring my dad and my sister who passed away in 2009. We are having a poem read “I’m still here” and I’m having luminaries made with their pictures that will be at the table with our programs then mobed to the escort card table. I was very close to them both and want their presence really shown….I will be able to keep the luminaries after which is really special. They are available on Etsy via southern wedding belle seller.

9/5/11 @ 5:31 am (reply)

19.

Member

mrstobeeisme (message) 649 posts, Busy bee

Etsy also has many different bouquet charms to choose from.

9/5/11 @ 5:32 am (reply)

20.

Guest

feistyangel

My Dad passed away nearly 3 years ago and I will be getting married in 10 weeks. I thought about having a ‘loved and lost’ table with pictures of all our family who cannot be there but realised that for some the wounds are still very raw and we don’t want them (and me) to be confronted by the photos. So I am going to have photos put into an heirloom locket that will be wrapped around by bouquet and I will be having one white daisy (my dad birth flower) in it also. My sister will have a daisy in her bouquet and my Mum and my Nanna (dad’s mum) will have one daisy in their corsages. I’m not telling them why though

9/6/11 @ 1:48 am (reply)

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