Weddingbee Blog

Image via Chicago Marriage

OK, I think my title is a little over-dramatic because we never were technically without an officiant. But it certainly felt like it. Before I delve into the specifics of our situation, let me give a little background.

A very long time ago, I told you about how Mr. Parasol and I did premarital counseling at our church in New York before we even set a date or started thinking seriously about our wedding. Well, naturally once we set our date and started wedding planning, it seemed only logical to ask the pastor with whom we had done our marriage counseling to officiant. We were close to him, we respected his wisdom and guidance, and he knew us well as a couple.

And he would have been more than willing, but there was a snag:

he and his wife had just announced that they were expecting their second child within weeks of our wedding. Obviously she couldn’t come out to California for the wedding because of her pregnancy, and being that our pastor is actually a very good husband, he regretfully declined because he didn’t want to leave his very pregnant wife behind with their two-year-old son.

Thankfully, a Plan B quickly emerged: our pastor told us that our church in New York has a sister church in San Francisco, and he suggested that we ask the pastor there to marry us. After a few email exchanges and conversations on the phone, Mr. Parasol ironed everything out, and the new pastor happily agreed to marry us.

Everything went ahead calmly and smoothly for the next few months. We tried to meet with the pastor both times Jordan was with me in Northern California so that we’d all have a chance to get to know one another better, but both times the pastor was out of town. So we confirmed all the details for the rehearsal with him and decided that that would have to double as our “get to know you” time as well.

Maybe it’s silly that we wanted to know our officiant and have him know us, but this has always been really important to Mr. Parasol and me. Growing up as Christians, the majority of weddings we attended were performed by a pastor who knew the couple well and had counseled them as they prepared for marriage. This is the model I had seen time and time again, and I wanted the same intimacy and personalization for Mr. Parasol and myself on our wedding day.

Needless to say, both Mr. Parasol and I were a bit unnerved when he received an email from our pastor yesterday stating that he wasn’t going to be able to make it to the rehearsal. Both of our hearts dropped and suddenly, the reality that we were now supposed to stand in front of a man we’d never met and be joined together as husband and wife hit like a ton of bricks. And neither of us liked it. Although we technically still had an officiant, it certainly didn’t feel like it anymore.

Now I’ve been withholding a critical piece of information up to this point, but I guess it’s time to play my cards: Papa Parasol is a pastor and routinely performs weddings. And he’s actually done a lot of weddings in our family. He’s married both of his younger brothers, my cousin, and Mama Parasol’s sister. Needless to say, he’s experienced.

Papa Parasol officiating at Cousin M’s wedding. / Personal Photo

And again at Aunt S’s wedding. / Personal Photo

See, he’s a pro!

So why didn’t we ask Papa Parasol right away? At this point, I’m wondering the same exact thing. But I think it comes down to the fact that I saw his role on my wedding day a different from that of the officiant. I didn’t want him to have to worry about doing the ceremony; rather, I wanted him to enjoy it while sitting next to my mom. Plus, Papa Parasol is kind of a cryer.

But being faced with the prospect of getting married by someone Mr. Parasol and I have never met before made me reevaluate my thoughts about Papa Parasol’s role. The idea of having a stranger officiant kind of runs counter to what Mr. Parasol and I want for our ceremony. It’s supposed to be an incredibly intimate event and will only be attended by our immediate family and grandparents. All told, there will only be eighteen of us there, and that’s including Mr. Parasol and me.

In light of all these recent developments, and considering our vision for our wedding ceremony, Mr. Parasol and I decided that it makes so much more sense for Papa Parasol to marry us. He knows us so well, we know him, and he’ll do an amazing job performing our ceremony (he always does). So even though it may seem crazy to switch officiants four days before our wedding, it seems even crazier to us to stick with someone we won’t meet until we both reach the end of the aisle. I’m thankful that Papa Parasol was more than willing to step in at the last minute and that he doesn’t need a lot of time to prepare (remember, he’s a pro!). And now our wedding will be that much more personal and intimate, which is exactly what Mr. Parasol and I want.

Did you have any trouble finding an officiant at the last minute? Is anyone else being married by a family member? I’d love to hear your officiant-related stories!